Few years ago I grew tired of where I was in my life, I felt in a rut. It was after the birth of our first born, it should have been the happiest time ever, but something felt "off".
My wife was working long days, and I was taking care of Neo (it means "gift" in Sotho) from morning till dawn, feeding him, changing him, loving him and making mistakes while learning how to be a father.
In all honesty, something that I wasn't expecting happened. I started procrastinating...
It is weird, it didn't happen in one day, but very progressively, bit by bit, almost like a frog boiling in a pot.
At first, it was few minutes a day of procrastination.
One minute spent staring at the wall...
One minute focusing on an airplane passing by, wondering where the passengers are going...
Another minute scrolling through my feed...
Eventually, few months had passed and nothing had changed, minutes of procrastination became hours.
I really felt that I was wasting my life away, and that my skills were slowly deteriorating. I was staring in my son's eyes, and wondering what sort of life we will be able to provide him with. He was fucking perfection and deserved the most amazing life.
For months, maybe even a year, each day passed and looked like the previous one. Waking up became a dreadful act, that took everything out of me.
I was comfortable when I was asleep, as I was away, silent.
That's maybe why I loved playing video games so much. I could just forget myself into a world that did not exist, meanwhile I did not have to think about my current situation.
I now understand why I was feeling so empty and constantly doing nothing. It's because I wasn't creating, and a creator that doesn't create, it's a little bit like a river that doesn't flow, it either floods the land, or dries out.
I couldn't create, because my days were centred around my child, and I could never find motivation to start working on something into smaller digestible pieces.
Up until that moment in my life, I always had lost myself into my work, working non-stop on a song, an exercise, an album, and I used to always work the same way: All or Nothing.
Here is how I was thinking at the time: "If I can only work an hour or two a day on my craft, then there is no point of even trying".
I was setting myself for failure, just because my environment wasn't perfect, it was giving me the perfect excuse for not having to try. Of course, it's such a comfortable feeling "not to try", I could forget about what was my true purpose on earth, and just be...Nothing.
I don't know exactly how it happened, but I got into reading self help improvement books, videos, blogs, and consumed pretty much anything and everything there is to learn on that matter.
I didn't know at the time that I was going through one of the most important lesson, which I am still learning to that day.
I think all these "self proclaimed gurus" are banking on people's weaknesses, that's how they make their dough, I am sure some of them have some good intentions.
At the end of the day, you can always access the information you need out there, without spending a cent, and the message is pretty much the same everywhere, just worded differently.
"Why is this "message" so important to hear?" you may say, and you are very right, it really depends on the individual; maybe you don't need any help, maybe you already know all the answers
I didn't.
I realized that at the time, I never did the appropriate introspective work that would allow myself to give a good shot at life, and try to win the damn thing instead of being so passive, observing my own existence a little too much.
I crawled my way out of that cave of self-pity, and it took another year to understand what I needed to improve in my life, and the "whys".
The "whys" are important because they allow you to understand the true nature of your motives, the root of your self hatred.
For me, it's that I always felt that I had an untapped potential, and that I will never be able to become that "person that I was supposed to be", especially now that my time was spent taking care of my son (whom I loved so much 😉) I surely would have never have the time to reach a greater level again, excellence. It's the typical blame game, that stems from frustration.
Paradoxically, I also started to believe that maybe I "wasn't as good as I thought I was", and "there is a reason why I am where I am" in my life, and by this I mean this feeling of constant dissatisfaction.
This thought started overtaking the entire factory of thought, to a point that anything that was coming out of my mind had a negative tint to it, was rotten to its core.
Once I understood that, the first step before even trying to change my fate, was to change my perception of reality, and training my mind to stop doubting.
For this, there's unfortunately no secret recipe, it's all about work.
Every time a negative thought comes to mind, you have to train yourself to delete that thought, and maybe lie to yourself a little.
Lying is a good thing, trust me.
There is absolutely no reason to have those negative thoughts in the first place. You might say to yourself "I like to think of the worst outcome, it allows me to get ready and prepare", but in all honesty, nothing good never comes out of these negative self fulfilling prophecies.
This is the basis, of happiness. Your perspective on a challenge, the choice of the words your are using to talk to yourself, will have an impact on your life.
Once again, I am gonna repeat these words.
WHAT YOU ARE THINKING MATTERS
This is why you have to constantly be mindful. The greatest men and women across the entire history of humanity, knew that.
The greatest fighters of all time (of course I will use a fighting analogy ahaha), were and are completely self deluded, and this is maybe what's required to achieve greatness: Become your biggest fan.
Look, there will always be someone that doesn't like you, and what you're doing. You cannot avoid that, and it's imperative to be at peace with it. In the world of trolls we live in, it's important to wear an helmet that deflects these "negative arrows", as most of them come from a place of insecurity.
Always remember this, the person that criticizes you is mostly projecting their own insecurities, on to you.
Once I felt more in control of my thoughts and my emotions, I decided to make a list of the things I wanted to improve. I wanted to be a better singer, more versatile, also work on my guitar voice coordination, my technique, while still progressing in my day to day writing.
That's around that time, because I was more proactive that I joined blockchain communities. It was a very important part of my journey to self love and improvement, and gave me weekly goals to attain, and keep track of my progress, as I had an audience.
I also wanted to become stronger physically, and fit, as I was convinced that body and mind would function better in harmony, so I added a physical routine daily, 1 hour a day.
Now that I am writing it down, it for sure seems to be a bit overwhelming, but by breaking it down on smaller digestible pieces, I managed, to slowly but surely make progresses across all areas.
What is the most important during that journey, is not expect exponential results, and be at peace with working a little, every day. No big jumps, baby steps only...
Here is my rule, for anything that I set myself to do in life.
One Hour A Day Rule
In his interview with "Paul Desmond", Charlie parker noted that he practiced 11 to 15 hours a day in his teens, for 4 years and that would (somewhat) explains his virtuosity behind a saxophone,
Practicing that much would have made me hate my life, and my instrument. As much as I command Charlie Parker for his obsession, our lives aren't compatible with spending that much time doing one thing anymore. I very often find myself multitasking a lot. I never do "just one thing".
Truth is, to get better, you don't have to work more than an hour everyday. During that hour, make sure to track your record, write a journal with your progress, and be consistent.
In the movie Groundhog Day, Phil (Bill Murray) is stuck in a loop reliving the same day over and over again. After a nihilistic (depressive) phase, he quickly realised the endless possibilities at bay, as he might be reliving the same day, but gained the experience and memory of the day spent, he finally realises that he doesn't have to stay the same mediocre individual he was used to be, but can learn from his past.
In other word, he understands the true meaning of the compound effect.
Everything that you are producing, accumulates. If you know how to keep this momentum, 1% of progress day by day, is still a progress.
Sometimes, it's not much about the content of the practice, but the act of setting up a routine. In other words, even if you did not do a full hour, or on that day you failed to practice correctly, or failed to workout your entire set, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you are in the action, you send a signal to your brain, that he can trust you. You deliver, even when SHTF.
Conclusion
It's been now years that I think of this moto daily, and it helped me to maintain consistency and progress.
I still practice an hour of music (vocal and guitar) every day even if it's not ideal, even if it's not a full hour, I have to physically allocate that time, grab the guitar, and work on something.
The same way I can't miss a gym routine and I know what I have to work each day of the week, and try to keep my schedule with the least amount surprise possible.
I know, it might sound a little bit boring and dispassionate, but it's the only way that I feel that my day was worth it, and the only way I can stack 1% of progress per day...This is also how you train your mind to accept this new reality, where 1 hour every day is allocated to something that matters the most to you.
I don't think I want to revert back,I have to admit that it takes some stubbornness (another word for consistency), otherwise there is no point of doing it, I see it a little bit like posting on HIVE.
You build a reputation the same way a per cent at a time, increasing your voting power progressively, it's the constant grinding with a compound effect that can yield incredible results if applied with passion.
I hope that you can create the same spark that I got when I started giving myself the pep talk, it only takes one epiphany to start.
