Last Friday night – we were in my room, lying on the bed when he asked permission from me to explore my skin. My heart started beating fast and my throat felt dry when he wrapped his arms around me and his fingers stroked my hair then cupped my face. His fingers skimmed through my skin, the lightness intoxicating me. He started at me for a long time then slowly bent down, his eyes glued to my lips. His mouth was warm and his lips were firm and he tasted pleasantly clean. I stiffened and tried to draw away but he pulled me closer to him and trapped me beneath him. He kissed me with so much passion, it made me dizzy. I kept my eyes glued to him, drinking in his profile. Then suddenly, he stopped and rolled over. We laid there in silence, staring at the ceiling. A few minutes later, he left without a word.
The next day, I woke up late for my make-up class. I jumped out of my bed, splashed water on my face and dashed off outside to wait for a pedicab to get to school. Upon arriving at my school, I got off the vehicle and ran towards my room.
As I entered my classroom, I saw him standing in front of the door. Our eyes met and for a moment, I saw desire in his brown eyes. Then he quickly avoided my stare and turned his back on me. I was hurt and confused, asking myself all the time why he acted that way. The rest of the period, he sat away from me as far as he could, contrary to our habit of sitting by each other and sharing ideas. That was the reason why I got drawn to him in the first place; because we shared same interests, thus we were the perfect match. I didn’t want to change and so when class ended, I approached him on his seat and confronted him.
“Uhhhm… Felix? Can I talk to you in a private for a sec?” I asked him.
He glanced up for a second then shrugged his shoulders. I grew impatient beside him. I grabbed his bag to get his attention. He scowled and stared at me. I squirmed under his scrutiny and blurted out the words without thinking.
“What happened to you? I know there is something wrong about last night – those kisses? What are those for?”
He looked at me blankly and just shook his head. I kept on bugging him he must have gotten pissed off, he turned around and answered me in a low, menacing tone.
“Do you really want to know the answer to that?”
“Yes! I want to know why you kissed me? Why you left? I felt something in there Felix. I felt your love.”
“It was nothing. It was just for fun,” he answered to me.
“Nothing? How could that be nothing? We kissed Felix! You and I kissed! And you liked it. It’s not a casual thing you do to your friend. Tell me, do you love me?” I screamed to him.
“Yes, I liked it. I liked you – but only just as a friend. Let’s not complicate things further Tom. That kiss was a mistake.”
I drew back, his answers making me like I’ve been slapped. I couldn’t believe it. How could he do that to me? I was his friend. How could he treat me like that? I felt the love on his kiss. Why does he have to lie?” I stood up and walked out of the room, but turned back because I wanted tell him something.
“You’re lying Felix. You love me. You’re just scared to admit it, scared you’ll be laugh at.”
He never spoke a word.
“Love has no gender, age, standards and most especially rules. If you love someone, you have nothing to fear!” I said to him then walked away.
“Please keep it to yourself Tom. What happened last night. It’s just that we can’t be together. I’m afraid I won’t be able to let go of you once I will hold you,” he said after a few seconds, making me stop.
I faced him, accepting the fact nothing will change in his mind and smiled at him acidly.
“Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me,” I said to him and left for good.
If he could be just a man enough to fight for our love, everything will like be fairytales. But like all fairytales, I know this can never become true. There are still greater things waiting ahead of me. I know that the right person will come at the right time. All I need is to wait – every one of us deserves to be happy. And if you love someone, show it before it’s too late. I know this wonderful but fragile feeling would fade too… in time, time would heal all my pain.
