I have mentioned previously, I have been in a process of ending my many substance addictions. I don't know how it is for anyone else, but it becomes pretty clear that I cannot do more than one chemical at a time.

First, I stopped smoking weed.

This is of course the easiest one. But you still go through a few days of feeling quite lost and listless. Cannabis isn't really addictive, but your body's chemistry does still take a little while to return to normal.

Why do I want to not smoke cannabis?

Because it puts an unnecessary load on my liver, and puts me at risk of being arbitrarily imprisoned. I don't ever want to be in a prison again, in my life, except to bust it open to let out political prisoners, in a time of war. Which I also do not want to happen.

After the weed, I stopped drinking energy drinks.

I have never really been addicted to coffee. I mean, at the homeless drop-in centres, it was given out for free, and for way too many days in my life, I have been in the up-and-down of its effects.

It has been brutal to my stomach, and combined with alcohol and dehydration, caused me episodes of gout, sometimes very painful.

I had the gout again yesterday. It happened for a while in Serbia too. Pain in my extremities, muzzy head, discolouration especially in the feet, pain in movement. Digestive upset. Coffee is one of the worst, for the caffeine, for the other things I don't know what in it, disrupting my digestion, number one probably being the tannins, which are extremely diuretic and dehydrating.

It was also not just the caffeine, since anyone who has known me for a time in person, that I was drinking 1-3 cans of Hell, or V, or Monster, on a daily basis. Not just the caffeine, but also, a number of questionable synthetic 'vitamins' like inositol, Taurine, and others. And let's not forget each can had about 50g of sugar plus pobably 5g of biotech produced citric acid.

Next came tobacco.

In general, whenever I have tried to stop doing one thing, I start doing another, a lot. When I stopped smoking weed, I started chain-smoking tobacco.

The elimination of caffeine exacerbated this even further. The B vitamins were probably involved in this, as B Complex tablets were one of the first supplements I discovered helped with my cognitive problems, mainly concentration and sustained mental exertion.

The effect of tobacco on my cardiovascular system was absolutely horrendous. You cannot smoke cigarettes, and have any degree of cardiovascular fitness. It makes you weak.

As I have posted recently, and further compounded by my increased consumption of alcohol, when I stop, I become extremely spikey. I realise, every time, as though it is a new thing, though I have watched myself go through this at least 5 times in my life, everything that I have been swallowing, tolerating, suddenly I have to scream NO! at all of it.

The worst thing about tobacco is how it makes you submissive and complacent.

The nice thing is, that I am very much a naturally rebellious person. I obey logic, not your instructions. I obey the information that I can interlock with everything else that I have determined is the truth. If I have no information, your shrill and strident imperative commands will only make me more likely to disappear, and go out, deliberately to prove you wrong, or at least build some evidence that I cannot question.

To compound this further, I also have, due to poverty and ridiculous and ineffective (and for the government, very lucrative), outrageous taxes on cigarettes, and for way too many days in my life, I have been gathering half smoked cigarettes, which are at least twice as toxic as fresh ones, all else being equal.

Stopping smoking has been the most important step, for my sense of self definition

So, now I stand on the threshold of having literally only one chemical that I continue to poison myself with.

Ending the alcohol consumption

Now that I am through the worst part of the withdrawals from smoking tobacco, the excessive substitution with alcohol is now coming to an end. I have been suffering dehydration, constant muzzy hangover, uncomfortable circulation, problems with the blood flow and bacteria inside my mouth and throat, dehydration of my skin, a general feeling of pain in my belly, disruption of my digestion, frequent diarrhea...

Literally poisoning myself.

The last obstacle now stands before me.

The alcohol also has tested my resolve to not smoke, but being the only remnant of my chemical addiction problems, I already had steeled myself to get through two previous detoxification processes, and today, I begin the last.

I do not expect it to be easy, at all, but I also am pretty sure that after 3-4 days I will also notice a whole bunch of things that were not working, suddenly start functioning again. There will be yet anothter change you will see in my mental state, in my writing, in the way I write, what I spend my time doing.

Hopefully, after a few days detoxing off the alcohol, I will start this programming work that I have been talking about and doing way too little about. But I won't unduly castigate myself. Even through all this, I have been able to muster the resources to become an object of emulation, of inspiration, for other people, in ways that I never believed would be possible.

Loki, without any kind of drugs, will be an absolute menace to everyone with a hobby horse and vice for receiving unearned money, respect, adulation, and adoration.

I am here to throw a herd of cats into a chamber of pigeons, and may the feathers fill the air like dust, until there is no more evil in this world.

I am going to be not feeling so great for a few days, but I am sure that afterwards, I am going to feel like a new man.

I am proud that I have managed to pull these barbs out of myself, one at a time, and once the poisons start to fully clear from my system, I will at last be able to do what I dream of.

I couldn't have got here without this amazing blockchain blogging platform, and the many people whose words and time shared have helped me onto this path.

Thank you all for your support, and for tolerating my at times ridiculous behaviour.

You literally are helping me save my own life, and in return, I will do the same for everyone else in this world, and the opposite, for those whose iniquity is irrevocable.

Update

I have really put myself in a spot with all this. I am getting quite a bunch of difficult symptoms. I look at various things, and I have gout-like symptoms, but not in the joints, only in the tingling and pain in peripherals, and the discolouration. I have shortness of breath, my eyes are sorta buggin, I am a bit concerned that my thyroid might be upset, and an antihistamine I am taking, which suppressed wheat allergy, may also have a somewhat dangerous interaction with thyroid conditions and autoimmune problems, which are possible.

I am having mild but not extreme visual distortions, I am confusing subjects and objects and losing track of negations in my language. These effects are further confusing the situation when I look, is my throat looking different? does the change of colour in my extremities look dangerous?

So I am now just fasting, with water only. I was going to get some clonidine and clonazepam to settle the hypertension and foggy brain (it is likely excess glutamate activity caused by alcohol withdrawals), but I think if I manage to sleep and don't put another thing in my body except woter, for a few days, that should help.

The scary thing is, I am pretty sure if I drank a bit of vodka, the symptoms would be reduced. What a mess!!

But no. anyway, as someone said in chat, after I told that I am detoxing off alcohol, nicotine and caffeine at the same time, that I am being rather ambitious... It shows just how galvanised my will has become, that as soon as I catch my breath from one detox process, I start another one, and then again, after a week, the third one.

I am not getting severe enough symptoms from anything to actually be harmful, except that the alteration of my vision and my confusion gives me alarming inputs thtat I have to try and filter out with my rational mind and ...

Well, sure, a medical supervision would be nice. but I also am repulsed by the idea of taking more drugs to fix the problems caused by drugs.

I'm just going to sit this out, water fast, try to lie down, and try to rein in my wildly overactivated mental processes.

It's almost harder than just the will to refuse to start any of it again, to not let myself succumb to the alarm at the strange things happening under my skin.

If it kills me, so be it. I hope this is not my disordered, last words spewing forth from my fingers. I want to get through this. The change after 3 days with no tobacco, makes me so excited, my brain was working better than ever. But now I am detoxing off alcohol as well, and maybe having a reaction to this antihistamine, which may be interacting.

With you all as my witness, I declare that this can never happen again, ever, not just for my own sake, but for the legacy that failing to pass through this process, will leave as my legacy, one way or another.