How many times have you said;
“I will be happy when .... I meet the man of my dreams, the sun is shining, I eat a slice of chocolate cake, I’ve won the lottery, I’m earning x a month, I go on holiday, I move into my dream house, I can retire, I have lost 20lbs, I can fit into that LBD (little black dress), I have children, I have finished this semester/term, I have a glass of wine in my hand ...
So logically, that means if you don’t achieve or receive X then you won’t be happy, you are a big fat failure and you will be unhappy until the day you die .... right? Well, obviously that’s wrong.
You are worth something no matter what you have achieved in your life, you are worth everything or as I like to say “I am f**king ace. Not perfect but ace” If I don't believe in myself then who will? If you rely on the opinion of others then they can easily take your ‘self worth’ away.
We talk as if happiness is out there and not right in front of us and certainly not now! We have all being victim to the self limiting sentence at some point.
Are people actually happy? Not just for a few seconds or minutes but genuine happy with life for long periods of time. Observe the behaviour of your family, friends, work colleagues etc. What words do they choose?
The frustrating thing is, is that we don’t know where happiness is, like it’s something outside, “if I can only eat that chocolate cake, THEN I will be happy” “if I buy that dress, all the men will love me THEN I will be happy”
These are things that will come and go, they are impermanent. However, if it’s an inner experience of happiness then we can create it in our mind at any point at any time. It’s an inside job.
This doesn’t mean you should give up your job and go live in a monastery. That’s a bit too extreme for me. That’s escaping the world. I believe, true happiness and success is finding a way to live in this world and being truly happy.
That’s why we need to make our spiritual journey a high priority.
Do you focus on what you don’t want or have OR what you do have or want?
TEMPORARY HAPPINESS VS PERMANENT HAPPINESS
"ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY CAN ONLY MAKE YOU HAPPY. IF IT’S REAL HAPPINESS IT CAN’T CAUSE SUFFERING IN ANYWAY!"
This quote boggled my mind. I had never thought about happiness like that before.
Examples of temporary happiness:
💔 Alcohol - makes you feel ill and you suffer. Binge drinking especially causes all kinds of health issues.
💔 Food - overeating can make you feel bloated or sick, you gain weight and increases the risk of heart disease and diabetes and you suffer.
💔 Shopping - you spend money you don’t have, can get yourself into debt, unable to pay your bills and you suffer.
💔 Partner/Friends - we fall out with them they can be overly critical and hurt our feelings and the relationship can simply break down and you suffer.
Think about when you bought your first car.. The freedom you felt, you could go anywhere anytime and your parents couldn’t do anything to stop you. Now you are older and a more experienced driver, you may find driving quite stressful I know I do; road rage is on the increase and becoming a serious problem (see the stats below), pollution and the increase in fuel prices.
Road Rage Statistics
The following statistics compiled from the NHTSA and the Auto Vantage auto club show that aggressive driving and road rage are causing serious problems on our roads.
💔 66% of traffic fatalities are caused by aggressive driving.
💔 37% of aggressive driving incidents involve a firearm.
💔 Males under the age of 19 are the most likely to exhibit road rage.
💔 Half of drivers who are on the receiving end of an aggressive behavior, such as horn honking, a rude gesture, or tailgating admit to responding with aggressive behavior themselves.
💔 Over a seven year period, 218 murders and 12,610 injuries were attributed to road rage.
One scary statistic worth noting is:
💔 2% of drivers admit to trying to run an aggressor off the road!
(http://www.safemotorist.com/articles/road_rage.aspx.)
WOW, that doesn’t sound like these people are happy. Freaking scary if you ask me.
This just proves that these are not permanent happiness.
ALL external phenomena disrupts and distracts our mind. No amount of food, drink, friends will make us permanently and genuinely happy.
Remember, just because there’s a thunderstorm, it doesn't mean that we should be unhappy. Some people love thunderstorms. My partner, loves it. He turns everything off and just listens to the rain on the windows and the loud rumbles of thunder, to him that's bliss, for me it’s scary, I hate loud noises, it makes me feel unsafe.
Sadly, stress is classed as “normal” nowadays.
Overall us Westerners have everything we need. We have cleaning running water, shelter, warmth, unlimited food choices yet we are still discontent and unhappy. This is become we never experience pure long lasting happiness.
We are just focusing on the outside world expecting that is the only way for us to be happy. However, we are learning that that is not true. By taking time each day, going within will establish happiness.
Can you maintain happiness camping in 5oC weather and having a cold shower?
We work SO hard to attain happiness and is elusive. One minute it is there and then next, something can happen and it quickly disappears.
Wouldn’t it be amazing to develop a mind of love, happiness, kindness and compassion. So, no matter what happens throughout your day, whether someone is in your face shouting and swearing at you yet you remain still and peaceful inside.
💖 You can prepare for when your mind becomes triggered and deluded. How? By daily MEDITATION.
A painter has their own tools to create a masterpiece as does a chef. The same applies to you and your happiness.
The great thing about meditation and reading Buddhist scriptures is that it is practical and NOT theoretical. Question everything, put what you have learnt into practice and contemplate and review your findings.
So why does happiness not just fall into our lap? Because the cause of pure happiness and inner peace within our mind is weak. It’s like an untrained muscle. You wouldn’t walk into the gym and pick up a 40kg weight up and do 50 reps if you’ve never been in the gym and done any form of weight training before, so why would meditating and cultivating pure happiness and inner peace?
Often I wake up to a message from my best friend, saying “Good Morning, how are you today?” and on several occasions my response has been very interesting, I haven’t realised how ‘bad’ it really was... “I’ve only just woke up and nothing has happened to me yet, ask me later on in the day” WTF man, I’m behaving like I am a victim of the day and I have no control over myself and my emotions.
You will yield results by slowly changing your mind. Regardless of the external conditions, YOU CAN BE HAPPY. If it’s disturbed or troubled in any way, the external conditions, (good or bad) won't make a difference. Wherever you go you’ll take your mind with you.
For example. You’re on holiday at your dream holiday destination, it’s beautiful and sunny, you’re drinking a margarita by the pool however you have just had a huge argument with your partner and feel upset, hurt and angry, so all the margaritas in the world and no amount of warm weather are going to make you happy.
Happiness will not magically fall from the sky, we must train our mind. The body will eventually cease however the mind will continue.
Just to remind you that the book, Transform Your Life is available on:
💖 FREE DOWNLOAD http://kadampa.org/books/free-ebook-download-howtotyl
or
💖 Paperback for £9.56 on Amazon http://amzn.to/2pvII32
Geshe Kelsang Gyatso states that the book Transform Your Life is the best book about happiness.
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