You've clicked in to read this blog on energy in relationships, and here is this random picture of a stone arch. I'm off to a great start, right?
But wait. It's not random.
Way back in fifth grade, I remember learning about arches. I'm sorry to say that my current knowledge of physics and engineering does not exceed what I learned in fifth grade, but for a girly relationship blog, and the point I'm about to make, it will suffice.
An arch is one of the strongest structures in the world, which is why the Romans are so admired for inventing it. I remember looking at a picture of an arch, and wondering why the stones didn't fall. The answer was basically that the weight of the stones pushed them together, not apart. This was pre-internet, so things like doorways really amazed people. Stay with me here.
The forces at work all lie within that arch. The stones press together, and downward, in order to create a structure that can withstand quite a bit of stress. But what if one side of the arch presses much harder than the other side? Imagine you tried to build an archway of large, heavy river rock on the right side... With some wimpy little pebbles on the left.
Probably some physicist is going to drop in here and tell me that's entirely possible, but let's just utilize the average human imagination here. What would happen? Well, the little wimpy pebbles weigh a lot less, and wouldn't exert as much force on the large river rocks. You wouldn't have a stable structure that way, and the whole thing would topple over (in my non-physicist head, anyway. Please don't ruin this, damn it)
But still, what does this have to do with energy in relationships?
Well, odds are, if you're having trouble in your relationship, one of you is river stones and the other one is pebbles. Instead of building something that can support many times its weight, that will stand the test of time, you're creating a big crumbling pile of dusty rocks.
Let me pause right here and state that I'm talking about heterosexual relationships, assuming the typical gender roles that I believe are partly biological and partly conditioned by our culture. This isn't to leave anyone out, but I don't have much experience or knowledge about other types of relationships and don't feel qualified to write on them.
And, I'm a woman. So I'm going to present the woman's view here. May we continue?
I've been around for a few decades now, and I've enjoyed (sometimes endured) my share of relationships. And if I've learned anything, it's this:
If you don't balance the feminine and masculine energy in your relationship, it's going to fall apart.
The feminine and masculine must push against one another, with equal "force", in order to build a strong and stable structure. I put "force" in quotes because I'm not talking about the toxic type of force here. I'm talking about energy. And when I say "push" I don't mean to shove your partner down the stairs... I mean meeting them with equal energy. When you meet with equal energy you end up with a relationship that, like this stone arch, cannot be moved.
What happens when the wind blows against this thing? Nothing.
What happens if I walk up and push on it? Nothing.
If I throw my entire weight against it? Nothing. (I eat a lot of salads, but still. I'm a tall woman, okay?)
If your energies meet one another, nothing can topple you.
So here's where the woman's point of view comes in, and I welcome you guys to offer your perspective in comments. I just haven't been a dude (yet. I mean it's 2018 so you never know where life will take you).
When I birthed one of my children, the hospital staff was controlling, rude, and outright lied to me on several counts. I kept waking up and my newborn was missing from the room. Pause for a second here, and recall everything you've ever heard about mama bears. Because the hormones were raging, and frankly you just don't mess with any female animal's babies. Humans included.
So they kept taking my baby, and on top of that there were massive interruptions to my own rest. Luckily I remembered that my previous two children were released from the hospital after 24 hours, so I decided it was just time to go home. The hospital staff said no, and told me they could keep my baby if they wanted to, even though there was nothing wrong with her. They wanted that insurance payment for another day's stay, our well being and comfort be damned. Various threats were made. Phone calls happened. A postpartum mama bear was angry.
The end of this story is that I did leave the hospital with my daughter. But during my struggle, through exhaustion and severe afterpains (Google it), my (ex) husband meekly advised me to "just follow the rules" and "just do what they say".
I was abandoned, in the most vulnerable position a woman can be in. My feminine energy was on overdrive, and his masculine energy buckled to the false authority of the hospital. I felt totally abandoned by him in this moment. I stood up, through excrutiating afterpains, bleeding like a stuck pig, gathered my newborn baby and walked out the back door of the hospital.
I made it just fine, because women are like that. Threaten their babies and they'll fucking slaughter you. You're lucky if all they do is flounce out of a building wearing an oversized maxi pad and sweatpants. But I learned something that day. I was on my own. His masculine energy evaporated, just when I needed it to buttress my feminine.
I didn't write this blog to bash him. This all happened long ago, and we've been divorced for a decade now. He's also stepped up and is a father to our children. But it was moments like that, that pulled us apart.
Now another brief story, that my pregnant friend shared today: Last night, or rather early this morning, her legs began cramping, as pregnant legs tend to do. Trust me, this pain is a bitch. And it is not fun to deal with.
Her husband rubbed her legs.
That's it. That's the whole story. But she made an entire Facebook post about it, and I can feel her radiant beaming from here. Like me, she didn't have the greatest of luck in previous relationships and pregnancies. She's experienced the pain of multiple relationships crumbling. But this time, she got it right. She tells me often of this man who regularly meets her feminine energy with his masculine. Last night, she needed his protection and strength, and she got it.
I can tell you from what I've seen of this relationship, that they will stand the test of time. When she needs his strength, he is there. When he needs her nurturing and soft femininity, she is there. Together, they are strong. The "force" in their relationship is equal.
A blog isn't going to fix your relationship, and I'm not some wise master who knows everything. But I can tell you this: When you're in doubt, when things begin to crumble, look at the masculine and feminine energy in your relationship. Ask your partner if they feel like you're "meeting" them. Ask if they think they're "meeting" you.
Because what happens, when your partner doesn't meet you, falls into two categories:
- You push even harder, and the whole thing collapses (been there)
- You pull back... and the whole thing collapses (also been there)
You get the point? The whole thing collapses.
Meet in the middle. Exert equal energy. Stay grounded. Support the weight placed upon you. Withstand the test of time.
Don't be a damn pebble.