“People think that a liar gains a victory over his victim. What I’ve learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one’s reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one’s master, condemning oneself from then on to faking the sort of reality that person’s view requires to be faked…The man who lies to the world, is the world’s slave from then on…There are no white lies, there is only the blackest of destruction, and a white lie is the blackest of all.”
― Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
The day my son refused to buy the lie his Grandmother was selling was an awe-inspiring one, which I will never forget.
To her shock and disbelief, a 3 year old had spoken the socially unacceptable truth. "Santa Claus isn't real!"
"Why of course he is" she replied, telling more lies to cover the original one. Propagating a long "tradition" of duping children into believing that if they will merely behave in a socially acceptable manner, a magical man will break into your house and reward you with material goods.
The point I am trying to make is this; it is so very important to build the relationship with your children on a solid foundation of truth. Their world is already full of lies and propaganda (especially in children's literature, T.V. shows, film, and video games), as well as peer pressure, and seeking approval from the adults around them.
An even more disturbing aspect of this institutional lie is that it is dependant on the complicity of the majority. Given that, certain lies are not only acceptable in our society, but beneficial to everyone. Then we must condone the shaming of anyone that does not participate in the contention of the lie.
I was overwhelmed with the task of how to prepare my son to navigate that deep ocean of B.S. I didn't want him to be just another unknowing pawn in this game. So, (against the wishes of most of my family), I have done the unthinkable. Every question he asks me, I tell him the truth. No matter how uncomfortable, complicated, sad, embarrassing or socially inappropriate (for his young age), I tell the truth. It's very liberating, inconvenient, and sad to tell him the hard core truths of our world.
Becoming a parent has really made me look at how I was raised. It has given me the opportunity to approach it in a more conscious and awakened way; questioning "traditions", "social norms", and exploring alternative/nontraditional methods. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't, and I adjust accordingly. It is sharing the truth that has set us free from the Matrix, or at least enabled us to play the game instead of the game playing us.
Oh, and how I have been judged, and shamed, for daring to tell my child that dirty little thing call truth, especially when it comes to the holiday traditions. How dare I take away the "magic" and "fun" lies of Christmas! Yet, who is left to deal with the psychological damage, or the shattered trust bonds of the first and most important relationship in my child's life? Me. Not Grandma Claus and Grandpa Claus, or all the other strangers that lie to my son all through the month of December. No, I will be the one held accountable. I don't know about you, but I am sick of all the lies and deception I have been fed my whole life.
So, in my attempt to make a small impact on our world, and no matter how "inappropriate" it is to share the truth, I owe it to him. Because; "In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act."
-George Orwell
Parenting, Christmas, Truth, Santa, Lies,