A few years ago, I completed an internship at an institution for addicts and people in need. I was excited like a kid on the first day of school when I entered the building for the first time. Of course, the boss's announcement that I should not worry, and that it's normal for the people to be cold-faced at the beginning, made that much better. I am an introvert in a drug addiction crisis institution whose visitors probably wouldn't like to have me around them not to speak of talking to me. Starts well!
But I wanted to prove to myself that I would not run away like a cat when she meets the friendly Pitbull next door. No, I wanted to stay! I wanted to face this task and try to get to know the people and their stories. And so I worked every day in the food distribution, taking care of the institution. Instead of eating out, I sat at the table with alcoholics, drug addicts, and the poorest of the poor, having lunch with them. And I immediately agreed when the boss offered to me to join the addiction self-help group that also took place in the house. I really wanted to hear their stories, feel their courage, experience their fighting spirit. I did not want to be amused by their suffering, I wanted to learn from these people, understand them and feel with them.
Soon the first ones opened, as we ate lunch together. To a few of them I developed a very warmly connection and it did not take too long until they wanted to share their story with me. Each of them had experienced terrible things. Addiction, financial problems and crime, withdrawal symptoms, even more crime, jail, broken relationships and broken families and circles of friends. Their stories were as different as life itself. But they all had one thing in common: a fighting spirit! The motivation to persevere, to make something of their future life. Leave everything behind, which pulled them down. While a few other employees found the work stressful and mentally burdening, it was incredibly impressive and rewarding to me. And so I was very happy when I was allowed to join the self-help group for the first time in the evening.
We all sat around a big table and the boss introduced me to everyone. He explained that I was the intern and wanted to be there and join them today. The looks of some participants were uncertain, dismissive or annoyed. I felt like a lobster in front of the cooking pot and my heart danced breakdance in my chest. It was pretty obvious that most people here would prefer that I go home. So I decided that I did not want to be a nuisance and wanted to convey that to them. So I started to introduce myself, to give them an insight into my reasons for the internship and to tell them about my personal struggles with depression.
Since I took the initiative and signalized that I was not above them, or here to judge, but that I wanted to learn and understand, the mood changed abruptly. Most of them were now very open and friendly and we started the meeting with an emotional prayer.
After that, something happened that my boss and I never thought would be possible, as it seems to be unusual and has never happened to any intern: people started telling me about their life in great detail and were like an open book. The reasons that led to the addiction, the impact it had on their lives and why they were sitting here fighting like tigers. They opened to me completely and appreciated my desire to learn and understand. And so one after another taught me his personal life lesson.
I felt these conversations and the resulting advice to be such a great gift and so touching that until today I keep thinking about it and internalizing it. Because where can you learn motivation and fighting spirit better than from those who need it to survive or as their last chance for a life worth living?
Emotional life lessons from true fighters
To the first tip everyone agreed: Know your goals! If they did not know what they want to fight for and why they wanted to get or stay clean, the addiction and their withdrawal symptoms would overwhelm them time and time again. So each one of them realized why he or she wanted to go that path and turn their backs on addiction. For some it was the fear of death or prison, for others the desire for a life worth living and a happy family. One woman had a particularly motivating reason: she wanted to have her children back, who were taken away from her because of the addiction! And so they all appealed to me again and again that I always have my goals in mind and should not just let life pass. Because otherwise you are stuck in yourself. If you do not know the harbour, the wind direction does not matter. And so you do not necessarily end up where you would like to end up but maybe in a mess.
The second motivation help was very new and enormously important to my mindset at that time, as I used to be a person who wanted to please everyone. The message was: Do it for yourself and not for others! If you fight for your authentic goals, then you're 100% inside. With your whole heart's blood! You will do everything possible to achieve it and it will feel fantastic. Because it is your will, your personal way. And no matter how hard it is, or who wants to put obstacles in your way, you will stick to it. If you follow your inner call, you can move mountains and bring forth a power that you did not anticipate and that will overwhelm you. Many said they had previously tried withdrawal because their partners or families called for it, but it was unsuccessful because it was not 100% consistent with their beliefs. They first had to get to the point where they wanted the withdrawal more than anything else. And although many around them said, "That's going to fail again anyway!", they did it now. Because they did it for themselves. And that's why they succeeded!
Thirdly, they advised me to celebrate every little success on my way to my final destination. Rewarding each milestone on the new path and praising and celebrating oneself motivates us tremendously to persevere. Because if you only have the final goal in mind, you can be very quickly deterred and resigned. The path looks very long and rocky. For example, if they just have in mind to get clean and make the withdrawal, it was like a big menacing monster. However, if at the end of each week they persevered and stayed sober or clean, putting a cross on their calendars and rewarding themselves with a nice day or good food, they were looking forward to continuing the next week and earning another reward . Achieving success in stages is much more motivating and gives us the feeling that we can do it as we see results in short intervals.
When you want to achieve something, you sometimes do not even notice how far you've actually come, because you're so busy reaching the goal. That can be frustrating at times. To be always proud of yourself (because pride is an incredible motivational booster), it is infinite valuable to note its small achievements and the path you take. So you can compare again and again, where you were, for example, six months ago and how far you actually came until now. This tip helped me a lot when losing weight. Since I see myself every day, I have barely noticed how much I am losing weight and almost felt as if my scale wanted to make me mooneyes. But when I saw the before and after photos, I was overwhelmed. I was not aware of how much one actually could see my physical change. That motivated me enormously to keep going and persevere.
The fifth advice helped a lot with my depression. I had always felt like a burden, like many in the institution, and thought I had to make it on my own. But these wonderful souls made it very clear to me: If you realize that you can not get ahead on your own, do not be afraid to seek help. No one manages everything in his life alone. We all come to the point where we need help. Those who admit this and seek support come forward. Those who are too proud often fall behind and eventually give up and are thus the real losers in this "game". Assuming support is therefore not a weakness, but a sign that you absolutely want to do it and do everything for it. Even to open up to others and thus prove strength!
Tip number six I found very impressive and felt it in the face of many heavy fates as very, very wise. Most of the people in the self-support group had actually managed to change their attitude towards addiction. They no longer saw it as a problem, but as a signpost that shows you the direction to the actual goal which says: You have taken a wrong turn here and there. Next time choose the other turn of the way, otherwise you will not end up where you want to. So instead of just cursing the addiction, they gradually accepted them as their teacher, who wanted to tell them how not to do it, so that they finally could reach the actual goal. Because addiction, like most other problems, is a symptom that wants to show that something has gone horribly wrong and needs healing or attention. So they advised me not to demonize my depression and my problems, but encouraged me to look more closely and learn from it and gain strength for the actual way.
The last tip was also very thought-provoking to me. Get out of the victim role! As long as we complain about how terrible everything is and how far away and unreachable the goal seems, we can not concentrate on finding a solution. We are stuck in this miserable mode robbing ourselves our own power and creativity and especially the motivation. We cut ourselves down until we feel so powerless at some point that we do not even try. Instead of complaining all day long, it makes more sense to talk openly about it and then actively seek solutions. Everyone has what it takes to achieve their goals inside them. Whether we can do that depends not on whether we were at a good school, or grew up in a rich and well-sheltered home. We alone are the designers of our lives. If we realize that and get out of the victim role and become active creators of our life path, then almost nothing can stop us and we develop creative solution ideas and forces of which we did not even know before.
I had expected the internship to get me an insight into the life and the fighting spirit of addicted people. But after that time in this institution, I went home with many great memories and incredibly valuable life lessons, from which I still benefit today. It touched me deeply that they shared their motivation tips so openly and honestly with me so that I too can achieve my goals. I've found out that you can not learn these lessons from a coach as authentic as from a person who has already fought the battle and knows what he's talking about. I was very touched by the support they gave me with their advice and I wanted to share it with you so that you too can achieve your goals with ease and joy. Due to these advices I actually made it to look at my depression differently and to accept it more and could find the motivation to lose 34 kilograms and feel happier again. Sometimes moments come when these advices move into the background. That's why I post them here, as a reminder to myself and as an inspiration to you. For one thing I have learned from these strong and wonderful people: With the right motivation, everything can be reached!
Lots of love,
yours Linda
P.S.: The pictures used in this post are from the website pixabay.com