Yawp, you got me! I am a full-blood raver girl!Whenever I get the chance to attend a psytrance rave, I do so. And I go crazy like a wildcat!
Wow, I never guessed I would ever write something like that! Wasn't I the anti-dancing goth teenager who considered clubs to be what Chrisitans describe as hell? And even hell would be better than that for a goth girl, because, well... I guess you know why hell dosen't really seem scarry to those who look like the dark lord himself, right?
Anyways! My old me wasn't only dark on the outside but also on the inside. I suffered from depression and I felt totally uncomfortable among „normal“ people. Going to a metal concert and headbang all night? Anytime! Going to a club dancing and having fun with all the smiling, happy, well dressed people? Uuuuuhm...nope!
One day, my husband and me decided to move from one end of the country to the other (you can read the story here) to make a new start. It didn't take too long and I felt home like never before. But my depression still accompanied me. I did a lot of personal growth by reading and searching for who I am. I tried out new things, listened to new music – and discovered goa and psytrance music! From the very first moment I was addicted to it. The bass beat made my head go up and down and my feet dance. I felt so much energy by the pumping and heartbeat-like sound. The complete opposite of the tiredness I felt everyday due to my depression. A lot of tracks were full of positive and spiritual messages which made me hungry for more. I started reading a lot of spiritual blogs and books.
This new kind of music fascinated me! I used to listen to industrial music, which also is a style of electronic music, when I was a teenager. So electronic music wasn't a completely new topic for me. However, it was something absolutely different and something that made me feel like every cell of my body was dancing! I loved it. And it made me happy. Happy! Oh my gosh, this feeling really exists!
I got deeper and deeper into goa and psytrance music, listened to a lot of DJ's and subgenres and one day I couldn't believe what I said to my husband: „I want to go to a rave party!“ What...the....actual....f...! But my husband was the coolest guy ever when he said: „Alright, I never expected you to say that, but: Let's do it!“
A few weeks later I prepared myself to go to my first psytrance rave and grabbed my favourite clothes. My style changed as drastically as a girl's mood on her period since I started listening to this music and discovered the alternative clothing style. I promptly felt in love with it. So I turned from a goth and rock'n roll girl into a hippie-wood-fairy. And I never felt more authentic! I always used to be a spiritual soul, daydreamer, nature lover and fantasy-mind! So the rebellious deamon princess turned into a colorful life-lover!
Back to the club night! I got dressed, more and more excited and maybe even a bit proud that I really was about to go to a club and have fun.
When we entered the door to wonderland later in the evening, I was overwhelmed be the atmosphere. Colorful, fluorescent neon decoration everyhere. Beautiful patterns, flowers, geometric forms and mandalas. Lights and lasers created a stunning scenery which enchanted me. The black light made people in white clothes shine like stars in the night sky and the bass ruled people's heartbeats! I thought it would take me hours to get into this scene, but it did't even take me seconds instead! The music was so loud, powerful and hypnotic that you couldn't stop yourself from dancing and the people weren't some strangers batteling who's looking the best but a lot of wonderful and open-minded people who were like a big family! I have seen metal heads, hippies, people in jeans and shirts, techno ravers, and guys in masks from almost any age. No matter which skin color, which home country, poor or rich, spiritual or atheist, everyone was welcome and everyone enjoyed the atmosphere together which they created with their wild and vivid dance. It didn't matter how peole danced, the only goal was to let go and feel free for one night. And it felt incredible!
Some typical psytrance party decoration from a festival
I wasn't very used to talk to people as the conversation with the dudes on the metal concerts was more like: „That band is sick man, right?!“ or „WALL OF DEATH!!!“
So I feared to feel a bit overwhelmed at the beginning, but I never got easier into conversations like at this party. People were very open for talks in any topic you wanted. You could talk to them about music, food, philosophy, spirituality or just every day life. Of course, it was also possible to experience that on a heavy metal concert, but I never felt more accepted, integrated and welcome than among my fellow psytrance lovers! I had some amazing and deep conversations with strangers, danced wild and free among hundreds of people and I was happy like I wasn't in a long time!
I felt like Alice never ever wanting to leave wonderland again and decided to go to the next psytrance rave soon.
The hypnotic music which connected all the people on the floor under this fluorescent and colorful sky freed my soul. I never danced in front of so many people before and I felt like a rocket aiming to universe. I didn't have one bad thought while I was dancing. A smile covered my face while I got lost in music and the amazing and energetic vibes of my fellow ravers. And I did not feel any fear for the first time in years. I felt infinitely free. This night was a real experience of personal growth for me. My self-esteem increased, I was proud about the fact I had been brave enough to go to the party and dance and I got a lot of positive and wonderful feedback on my dance, philosophical debates and open-mind.
With every rave party I attended, I became more self-confident. People often bought me drinks for being the wildest raver on the floor and painted my face with neon colors. The vivid, colorful, creative fairytale soul inside me finally found the right place and people to discover herself and live authentically. I became a full-blood raver girl! With every night I danced to psytrance music among all the wonderful people around me, my depression got better and better. I became more and more vivid, happy and felt more and more self-love. I even went to a rave alone, which I never expected a year before!
Since the day I started listening to goa and psytrance I listen to it for 4-12 hours a day. Maybe my neighbours already save some money for a hitman. I guess I should think about moving in a little cabin in the woods. Just kidding!
But I really want to thank all the people who created magical moments with me. I am really looking forward to the next gathering where we become one big family again, dancing together to find ourselves and the divine inside our hearts!
I am a raver girl and I guess you need to feel it to understand it. But if you once felt the atmosphere of a rave, you will probably know why it helped me to let go of the dark and invite the light into my heart.
Keep on dancing, keep on being wild and free :)
Lots of love,
yours Linda
You want to know more about me? Here you can find my introduceyourself post
Source of the pictures is Pixabay