Frienemies would beat you, hit you, until the next big lash on your skin feels nothing more than just an insect bite. Just the same, life can be like that. Image Source

I don't know him.

Kim Jonghyun was his name. I never knew him. I never even heard his name in passing. I know the group he belongs in, though, called Shinee, because they made it pretty big in the entertainment industry. 

December 18 this year, though, from five members, Shinee became four. Jonghyun appeared to have taken his own life. Like many before him, he didn't get to live beyond 27 years. 

He broke my heart.

I may not have known him. He may not have known me. But this guy just broke my heart.

Until the end there was one thing he was looking for: validation. 

Reportedly, among his last words relayed to his sister was, "Tell me I did well." It was so chilling, all the hairs in my body literally rose up. But more than anything, it was relateable.

You did well.

And I wanted to tell this guy I never knew that, "Hey, you did well. Keep doing well." Many people did. Many fans all over the world, expressing their griefs, said, "You did well."

You did well.

It was a validation worth hearing. But it was a three-word-phrase Kim Jonghyun never got to hear. And so I'd ask myself: would those words have saved him? 

If I were him, drowning in the pits of the bottomless ocean with screams for help unheeded, would mere words save me? 

The falling tree.

If a tree falls and nobody's around to hear it, does it really make a sound? If you're breaking and no one's around to see it, are you still so sure of yourself?

And that's how I felt about Jonghyun's request to tell him he did well. Was anyone around to see how broken he had been? If no one was around, was the world he was living in still, in any way, reality?

It's a battlefield.

One day, I was with a close friend and we were talking about how hard it was. Living, that was.

What did we go to school for again? Why did we struggle each day to wake up early and pull ourselves to the outside world? We were losing track of what we were living for, and it was scary.

Your body and brain battle each day; one telling you to not move, the other telling you to move. It was a battle, and each day, you want the better option to win.

Keep moving.

Don't stop.

Be kind.

To yourself.

Make it.

Don't break it.

Give respect.

Take respect.

You're doing well.

Keep it up.

;

Where it should have ended, but you keep going.