Yesterday evening my son confronted me with the fact that he will not go to school today
and instead wants to take part in the worldwide students demonstration on climate change in front of the city hall. He is now in a revolting teenage age where he is beginning to think politically. I am not sure how to behave. I told him that I could not write him an apology for not attending school and that his unexcused absence at school could have consequences. I asked him why the demo had to take place within school hours and he said that if the students did it after class, it wouldn't have the desired effect. I asked him why it was important to him and why he also wanted to demonstrate and what he expected from it. He said politicians had to react and the state was responsible for ensuring that future generations would have to live with the consequences of climate change and that learning made no sense if there was no future for which learning would have been worthwhile.
I was angry. I said that it was not so easy and that we live in an external supply society from which he has profited since birth and can buy all the things he likes. I told him that if he thought environmental protection was important, he had to start with himself and that if his computer was turned on all day long and consumed electricity, he could not pretend that others were solely responsible, but that he was also a contributor who, through his use of energy, helped to damage the environment. I said he must also be careful to turn off the heating every night and that his inconsiderate use of energy would be contrary to his will to change.
He is too young to be taught and too immature to realise that his demonstration is also a tendency to adventure and to interrupt his routine life. I know and I see that he has to make his mistakes, but I don't want to be indifferent.
On the other hand, anyone who wants to claim his right to exercise his will and to proclaim his opinion must be prepared to represent what he stands for privately. I cannot yet see such a thing, this consequential thinking has yet to be developed and I am the one who can teach it to him. He is a typical teenager who has everything, who lacks nothing material and who lets himself be influenced by the media.
Though... I would have preferred it if he hadn't informed me. ... Or... maybe I am glad that he did. Not sure about that.
Since I am now in conflict and will not cover for him in front of school. If I had been surprised by this afterwards, it would have been an act of disobedience towards me as a mother, not only towards the school. But now I have to deal with this act and I am not yet sure which position to take here.
For me this is a completely new situation.
So how do I stand on this matter?
I think that my son should actually feel the consequence of his action, because otherwise his act would lose its meaning. I am not sure in what form the school will react, nor what is meant by a "sanction" there. Since he is 14, he can be held responsible for his actions.
I really can't force him to go to school.
He simply refused to do so after I told him that I think he should go to school today and postpone attending the demo until the afternoon. But he said he wouldn't do that.
I talked to him about the environment and that it was a global issue, and he shouted, "Now! Our demo is also worldwide!"
The whole thing has now also become a democratic affair.
If someone shows his will to disobey, in a democratic country like ours he cannot be forced to bow completely to the will of the state or the law. One can let a consequence follow or impose a punishment. The thing is: If my son accepts a consequence of cool head and says to himself: That's the way it is. If you violate a rule, it always has a certain consequence, then I ask myself: Isn't this rule simply a rather unimportant thing if you can meet it calmly? How "painful" must a consequence be and how little drastic should it be on the other side?
Do I think there is any connection between the demonstration, climate protection and my son's disobedience?
I admit to having difficulty making such a connection.
I see that climate protection is a matter for everyone.
However, I don't see how a demonstration would bring about a change in one's own consumer behaviour, except perhaps that there, at the demonstration itself, such things would be brought together.
Now, on the other hand, I know that my son is only just beginning to learn such things and has yet to really understand larger contexts. This does not happen overnight and takes time. I don't want to be overreacting or underrepresented.
I acknowledge that my son is interested in the concerns of the society in which he lives and that he shows a certain willingness to express his interest. As probably for all parents, I am in the situation of wondering whether his actions will harm or benefit him. What if he were completely disinterested? If he were a very good student who simply did what was expected of him? If his life was uninterrupted with events in the world and he graduated, had an education and then went on to live a life based on consumption?
Is there the right time for civil disobedience?
When does a person begin to think for himself, when does he stand against a prevailing habit?
It takes courage to skip school and not know exactly what reactions will follow. I feel between two chairs. On the one hand I am in favour of a certain resistance, on the other hand I am concerned about a tendency for my son to get in the way. Who do I represent now? Am I a representative of the school institution and of what is expected of us citizens, that there should be no exception? I myself did not develop any active resistance against school, but was a good child who wanted a good degree. My son is different.
But I have long since made my lifestyle choices for myself. After a long phase of adaptation, I had several phases in which I did not adapt to the demands of the labour market. I was often without work and during this time I oriented myself and enjoyed my freedom from working life. I could only do this because I was supported by the solidarity community. A contribution for my society is that I became a mother and a new member of the human community is educated by me and the economy is kept running by our consumption.
Materially, we have a good life.
Hardly any wishes that remain open. But the sense for novelty, the desire for adventure and other points of view, the opposition to habits and lack of freedom are also part of life. Nobody can always be an adapted person without feeling unfaithful to himself.
I am simply surprised that such a thing happens to my son so early. Is it precisely this carefree life that leads him to disobey? Is it the abundance? I myself was not particularly given material gifts when I was a child. My parents had a total of eight heads to feed, we never had real luxury at home.
School was also a big part of my social life for me, but I never really felt a close connection to my classmates. The close friends at school were also friends with whom I had dealt since childhood and with whom I grew up together in our small town. They were relatives and communities of fate, because I am a emigrant. The children from these connections had to do with each other, but the contact to those born here did not come until much later in my professional life.
Anyway, I am waiting for things to happen
and will have one or two more conversations with my son. We will see how the teachers react to this situation. I was actually expecting a phone call, which has not been received yet.
Today is a normal working day for me. For my son this day is something special. He has a long way to go. I trust him to the extent that he will not allow himself to be carried away by heated (re)actions. He shows a certain coolness in his speeches and I can hope that he will represent his opinion with skill at school.
I told him in order to back him up I must see a certain kind of seriousness and genuine interest in this matter.
We will have further talks.
UPDATE:
Meanwhile I contacted the school and talked to the teacher. She was calm and reacted in a sensible and understandable way. She told me my position as a mother is much more difficult than hers as a teacher. We talked a while and she said that the discussion between my son and me probably wouldn't have happened when he had normally attended today's school and she thinks it's a good thing that this friction takes place between parents and children. I felt quite relieved and thought how good it is that this topic is not taken as a threat to the school but as an act of educated citizens.
I am glad that this school shows a face to that situation which is not ugly but mature.
picture source:
By PJ GeestThis W3C-unspecified vector image was created with Inkscape. - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=77371449