I am sitting here at the back of my house alone, trying to process the news I heard recently about a family I knew, and at the same time reflecting about my life as man and as a father. The position of a man in a family had been one that is defined by tradition and culture, that a man would provide for his family, protect them, and be there for them in all circumstances.
Many men takes this responsibilities without needing the support from their wives. They work long hours, sacrifice their own dreams and put their family needs ahead of everything. They ensure that their children are well provided for, educated and given the opportunity to succeed in life.
But too often, we see men suffering in their own homes after spending years of sacrifice and dedication to give their family a better life, only to find that their efforts are not appreciated or valued by their own family members leading to feelings of loneliness, and abandonment after years of sacrifice for the sake of their loved ones.
It's expected that when a woman fall out of love with her husband, she will often seek separation or divorce, but in Africa most women especially the uneducated ones doesn't leave. They stay and start planning their revenge on their husbands calculatively waiting for the time the man become frail in health and age before they abandoned him or begin to mistreat him. This may not be the same in other parts of the world, but in Africa this is a reality that many men face silently.
It's so painful to watch a man pour his life into his family only to be cast aside when he's no longer useful to them or when his strength failed and he can no longer provide for them materially.
Imagine a man who has worked tirelessly for decades, built a successful business, trained all his children through university and provided a comfortable home for his family, only to be abandoned and being maltreated because he's retired and can no longer run the family business together with his wife and children. This is the case of the the family I am talking about, that prompted me to write this reflection today.
The interesting part of the story shocked me and I believe it will shock you too. Unlike other men who suffers and die in silence, this elderly man played smarter than his wife and children. He secretly sold all his property including the house the family lives in and told his family that he's traveling for a contract job but never returned, and the family never cared about it until they realized that the house and all the property has been sold.
The man sold everything he has for a huge amount of money and started a new life somewhere unknown to his ungrateful family. It was when the new owner of the house came to claim it that the family realized what has happened, and by then it was too late to do anything about it. The children who once enjoyed the comfort of their father's provision now find themselves homeless, and the wife who planned and influenced the children to joined her in abandoning and maltreating their father now faces the consequences of her betrayal.
Do you think the man did the right thing?
In my opinion, the man has nothing else to live for in this world rather than the love and care from his family before he leaves this world, but that love and care was denied him. If he cannot eat the fruit of his labor in his old age then what was the point of all the years of suffering and sacrifice for a family that doesn't value and appreciate him.
So, chosing to eat what he has labor for before he died is justified. If I plant a fruit bearing tree, I am expected to eat of the fruit of the tree, but if the tree refused to bear fruit, I have the right to cut it down and sell it for firewood.
Every man should be aware of himself and the family you are raising. Once resentment from a wife starts to build in a home, it can spread to the children, and we all know that children naturally gravitate towards their mother. In essence, men should learn to weed out resentment early before it takes root in the family.