This was me 6 years ago and 60kgs heavier.
It's been a struggle and has taken me a long time to get where I am now. For me it all started back in high school where I was bullied because of my weight. I remember one time all the popular kids laughing hysterically at my expense because this douche bag, who thought he was god's gift, called me big fat buddha girl and told everyone to hold on because I'd cause an earthquake. I was mortified and from that day on got stuck in a cycle of starving myself at school and then bingeing when I got home. Looking back, I actually wasn't that 'fat' and should have just ignored him but at 13, it's hard to see past what's directly in front of you.
Regrettably, this has stayed with me far longer than it should have but I can't go back and change this and can only look forward - which is what I've been doing.
I'm not going to lie, it's been and still is, a heck of a struggle. My comfort is food. I think back to times when I would eat 2 large bags of cheese and onion chips, a block of chocolate, a 12 pack of cookies, a pint of icecream and a large fries from Maccas almost on a daily basis. What scares me more is that they were just snacks. No wonder I weighed over 160kgs.
For years I've used my weight as the reason why. The reason why I'm single. The reason why I haven't moved away from my parents. The reason why I settle in everything. The reason why I don't get where I want to be professionally. It's a comfort and also a curse, if I stay this weight and fail, it's not me it's my weight. But if I lose the weight and still fail, then it's something in me I have to change or address.
Slowly but surely I've put my head down and worked my absolute butt off to drop 60kgs. I'm still not where I want to be but I'm so damn grateful I'm so far away from where I was. That was not a good place to be. My life is completely different now, I eat actual food and not manufactured crap. Every weekend I prep my meals for the week and stick to them, with the occasional cheat meal in there just to keep me sane.
I also exercise on a daily basis, it's my escape and it's replaced my need to go and buy food to feel better every day. I love where I'm at physically, I know I'm far from perfect and they are things I wish I could do already but it's so nice to feel like I'm actually okay at something in an active/physical way.
This is me now compared to my heaviest.
It absolutely blows my mind that I was once that person. At the time I didn't think it was that bad or I was that big but the pictures tell a different story.
For the first time ever, I'm so excited to see how far I can go and am determined to get there. I can't and don't want to go back to that 160kg person who faked being happy. Who ate in private so no one saw what crap I was eating. Who would spend $200 easily every week on junk food. Who wanted to end it all because it all seemed too hard. That's no longer my reality and I am so grateful for everyone who has helped me along the way. I know I can do this.