Our stories of self and our opinions get mixed up with our body memories. Emotion is movement, and emotions of fear and security get locked into our fascia, (connective tissue) and posture the same way that skills do. Skills are functional body memories, irrational fears are disfunctional. Both act like instincts when triggered by the limbic system.
When we are present, we may notice the initial tension and change in breathing patterns, but usually we will not notice and are unable reverse it. Those base line tensions are unbearable and we use major and minor addictions to alleviate, distract or numb them. In doing so we lose some of our sensitivity. (along with dignity, respect and a whole lot of cash).
Our senses are the gateway to knowing the greater aliveness. I have found the best way to avoid being reactive, is to care - when I care, I want to place my focus into what I care about - focus in skill is focus in senses. Sometimes we care so much about another person or project we do not notice the insults to our stories.
Those insults to the beliefs that we wrap and comfort ourselves in, are often the triggers of our insecurity that ignite reactive behaviors.
How can we love or even accept that which is aweful? - how can we deny the reality of what already is? Better to be with what is, and from there, choose from what is available? Choices we rarely see when we are stuck in the conflict between experience and expectation.
Loving what is, is a daily game and a lifelong challenge. Those who are there are easy to spot, they are having the most fun, yet remain kind as they know what it was like before they lightened up.
I write to remind myself, more than anything, I hope it is helpful nonetheless. For in focus is freedom.