I want to share a topic close to my heart and life: being a Football Dad to two completely different boys. It’s a journey filled with early mornings, long drives, and emotions that range from pure joy to deep frustration—sometimes all within a 90-minute game.
My two sons both play the beautiful game, but their paths and personalities on the pitch couldn't be more contrasting.
The Elder Son: The Fighter and the Setback
My oldest son, now 17, is currently making the big leap to play with the senior squad for the first time. For years, he was part of the club's inter-provincial youth team, living and breathing football.
What I’ve surprisingly never posted about is a major event that shaped his journey: In January 2022, he tore the anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) in his left knee. He was only 13 years old.
The timing of this injury was devastating. He was just starting to truly profile himself as a serious player. Indoors, he had just debuted with the club’s U17 team and was making a positive impression. Outdoors, he had been called up for the third round of the national youth detection days by the Football Association—a serious sign of potential.
Because he was too old for a typical children’s surgery but too young for an adult procedure (his growth plate in the knee hadn't closed yet), the path to recovery was long and agonizing. He endured nine months of rehabilitation just leading up to the operation, and then another nine months of intense rehab before he was finally cleared to step back on the pitch.
He is the epitome of commitment: he gives 100%, has no shortage of confidence, and gets genuinely angry at himself when he makes a mistake. That fire, that dedication, is what got him through that 18-month ordeal, and it’s why he’s now challenging himself at the senior level.
The Younger Son: Talent vs. Self-Doubt
However, watching him play is a completely different experience. He is, to put it mildly, not really a natural footballer. He is visibly scared in tackles, struggles with self-confidence, and often hesitates. The frustrating thing is, he’s actually better at football than he thinks he is.
Sometimes, as I watch him from the sidelines, I honestly question whether he even enjoys the sport, or if he only plays because his older brother does.
The Parental Bottom Line: Different Boys, Different Support
Any other sport would be perfectly fine with me, but they must do a sport. In a world dominated by mobile phones, gaming, and screens, movement and activity are non-negotiable.
More importantly, having two sons in the game has been a masterclass in adapting my support. The younger one, playing at the regional level, has the benefit of me being a second-time sports dad. I learned from the mistakes I made with his older brother (yes, parents make mistakes too!).
Evolving My Coaching Approach
Because my sons are both far more technically skilled than I ever was, my coaching has always focused less on technique and more on passion, commitment, and character. It’s about learning to win and lose as a team.
I stand by this: No matter how badly they play, if they walk off the pitch having given everything, I am the proudest father alive.
This high-intensity approach worked for the older, naturally competitive son, but it is entirely wrong for the younger one. For him, the focus must be entirely on confidence and enjoyment. I have to coach him step-by-step, perhaps focusing on just one small thing to improve each training session or match.
Today, my guidance differs sharply:
- For the younger son: The focus is on small, achievable gains to build confidence and ensure he is having fun.
- For the older son: The focus is on teaching him about the reality of the senior game: people don't look at what you do well; they remember the mistakes, no matter how small. He needs to learn to manage that external pressure.
The Sideline Battle: Pride and Frustration
However, these days, I try to keep myself in check on the sidelines. There are too many parents already throwing fuel on the fire. When the atmosphere gets too heated on the pitch, I often retreat to the clubhouse to watch the rest of the game from there.
Two weeks ago, though, I lost my cool. My older son’s team averages 17.5 years old and they are playing in the regular senior competition against much older men. When a 25-year-old decided to deliver a massive charge into my son’s back, out of the referee’s sight and away from the ball, words were exchanged. Something along the lines of, "Come try that on me," which, of course, led to shouting and arguments. I’m not proud of it, but that is what fathers sometimes do subconsciously. That’s exactly why I usually watch the rest of the game from the canteen!
The Coach Conundrum
If this were a selection squad at the inter-provincial level, I could live with it. But at the lowest regional level, I believe the focus should be on letting everyone play, improving the boys, and building confidence.
My youngest son has only been selected for half of the games, and this is incredibly demotivating for him. As a father, that hurts. I know he is one of the weaker players on the team, but he is always present at training and always tries his best. I plan to speak with the club board during the winter break, as I firmly believe this is counterproductive to the club's youth development goals.
It’s a constant lesson in tailoring my support, celebrating the small victories, and appreciating the incredible resilience of the human spirit. The Football Dad life is never dull.
Cheers,
Peter