The whole crew was together around a campfire. It was just two days before the liftoff, the turpin farm was almost done and we were talking about those old, good times when people used to exist. The Wooden Children -some little children-based robots that Newton and Sagan accidentaly built one night while sleeping- asked 
-Eroded, please, tell us your story!
-Well... -he started- in a whale-driven world, I became one.
The world was divided, as you all know, between Minnows, Whales and Witnesses. Whales were the powerful mortals, as witnesses seemed to be really focused in other things like trying to upgrade the blockchain in which our whole world was based on. They used to be mean, really mean, and they kept giving money to shitty people and kept making lonely, poor minnows suffer. I was one of those minnows, struggling for food, water, power and happiness, until everything changed.
Larimer was hosting a contest in which the winner would get a 1.000.000 eternal power delegation, and the goal of the contest was just to find where his turpin garden was. And it happened to be just at the side of my house. I won. He did the delegation, and I suddendly became a whale, the 71th most powerful whale on the earth. And there I was, not struggling for the first time in my life, and asking to myself, what now? I knew there was lots of people suffering, people like me, but, how could I help them? Delegating? Giving away my supplies? How?
I decided to just run my own business, give little portions of power to people I randomly wanted to, and trying to be as helpful as I could be. But always through silliness, and always with the main intention of helping people. But the World Whale Council didn't agree with my posture. They were selfish, and mean (did I say mean already? I know, but, I mean, they were actually mean), the kind of mean that would eat tons of caviar in front of a starving family with children. And they were well organized.
At one point, I decided to ran a contest where people could participate by telling the tale about how they could get to live back in 2018 withouth the Blockchain technology having destroyed the normality, and when they used to have fresh, sweet water everywhere. People got really excited, and I loved every single part of the contest, and so did people. They started knowing that there was something wrong with the way things were, and they started forming groups and trying to get up and destroy the whales.
I, then, became the leader of those groups. Could you imagine it? A former minnow, somebody that used to eat salt and be happy because at least I got to eat, converted into the killing whale that would change everything. But the council didn't like it at all. They eventually caught me, accused me of conspiration and judged me. The sentence was very clear: to be locked into a space shithole (like, literally, it was a portable bathroom!) and be thrown away for 5 years. I felt like Steve-O when I was first launched. But it was my punishment for being too good for this world, I guess. Back then, I found it to be fair.
Eventually, my shithole came back to earth's orbit, and I returned to find out that everything was gone. I then found Sir Isaac Newton and Carl Sagan, wandering around with a crying musician and a crazy dude that thought everybody was zombified when they were just hungry dead people (who would confuse both things?) and here we are now. Our ship is ready, and we're going to escape in just two days, just in time to get the best positions to get to Europa and survive, and make a better mankind for ourselves.
The Wooden Childs were crying a bit, while Newton and Sagan both smiled after hearing the story. We, the last remaining people, were going to escape and survive, and we would be a family forever. His story was inspiring, and we found in Eroded Thoughts' strength, new ways of dealing with our own problems. Like, I finally understood that people weren't zombies, and that was because he told me that they were just starving deads. Newton's lost finger was just an illusion created by my mind, for instance.
But then, he appeared. He. Himself. Not anybody else, just he. You know who. He came screaming, and so did 
-YOU'RE A FUCKING LIAR! -he screamed-. YOU'RE NOT A GOOD WHALE, YOU'RE THE WORST WHALE EVER!
And the overall atmosphere at the moment was just a big "what the fuck".
-What? -Newton asked-. You're, the real Jesus?
-Yes, Jesus myself.
-And... -Sagan didn't understand- what do you know about Eroded that we don't?
He's a lier. My father told me that there was something wrong down there, and I came to see what I could do. And I did find out his reallity. He's not Eroded Thoughts... he's Bernie Sanders, the almost-to-be president of the extinct USA after Trump, the one that didn't get to be the president because of Trump's decision of dismembering the country. He grew angrier and angrier to the world, and his anger made him approach Daniel Larimer to see what he could do to destroy the whole world.
Larimer told him about his plan, and asked him to be one of his selected Cleaners of the Mess™. Around 15 whales that Daniel decided to send to the outer space, survive the end of the world and then come back to finish the job, but not in a traumatic way, but more in a spy way. He would disguise himself as a poor person, as somebody that tried to do good and eventually got fucked up. He's not the only one.
-So... -I asked- he's going to kill us all?
-Yes! You understand it all now!
-I'M GOING TO DIE NOW! -Yorke screamed.
And then, a shotgun was shot. We all turned our heads, and it was Eroded... err, Bernie, whoever his real identity wa-
-You got it all right, Jesus -he interrupted my thoughts-, but only missed a point. I'm not Bernie Sanders, I'm still Eroded Thoughts.
He had shot Jesus in the head. His spirit rose a metre and then stepped aside. Somebody else took his place, and bravely cried...
-I was never a true minnow -Eroded explained while everybody was panicking-. I just wanted to see what powerless people did, to see what we could do as the powerful ones to help them. And what did I found? Death, destruction, prostitution, and lots of drugs... turpins. What else could we do, but to erase the whole existance of the mankind? And so Larimer and I decided to do it. I thought about doing my cleaning by destroying the spaceship once we got to the outer space, but, because of this fucker, I believe it's time to kill everybody now.
And so he started shooting.
Nobody cared about how the fuck did he get a shotgun in this post-apocaliptic world with no technology whatsoever, everybody was just trying to run and save their lives while Eroded kept shooting. And so I did, I ran away into the forest, hoping that he would never find me, and just trying to understand what the fuck did happen a few moments ago.
Like I said to