Invisible Memories

“When I was your age, I was quite the wild one. Ahhh that look, that ‘sure granny’ look, well if you don’t believe me.”

The underpaid nurse attempting to spoon feed the elderly lady sat, heaped spoon waiting for a pause between words.

“I had quite the adventure, back when I was twenty-two, I never told your mam about this one”

Susie suppressed a sigh, every resident took her as a different relative. They used a warm, familiar tone with her, looking into her eyes, and seeing those of another. She’d given up correcting them, not one of them could remember her name.

“It was during the war, your grandpa worked intelligence out of one of those top secret northern bunkers, that’s where he got that compass you used to love playing with.”

There was something about never been seen as herself that was starting to eat at Susie. At first, she’d pitied them, unable to see things for what they were, but as time went by, every word spoken to her, meant for another, began to cut.

“It’s been two months since i’d had a letter from him, and well, you can imagine what I thought when a man in uniform knocked at the door.”

Finally catching a pause in the residents flow, Susie swooped in with a spoon full of buttery mash, beaded with peas. For loud, sloppy moments the lady chewed, and trying to draw on her compassion, Susie smiled, scooping up another spoonful.

“Well my heart dropped and I nearly fainted before he could speak. That awkward young officer grabbed my hands, looking me firm in the eyes, ‘He’s not dead Mrs Ellerton, he’s fine, I just need you to come with me’. I’ve never packed a bag so fast in my life!”

Susie quickly exploited the dramatic moment, dropped another spoon of mash, this time laked with stewed beef and gravy, into the open mouth. She used to hate herself for finding those too far gone to chatter away easier, avoiding the talkers, but despite her best evasions, she’d got stuck with conversational Mrs Ellerton today.

“We sped down those country roads, whizzing up north, in hours. He told me nothing on the way, offering only that Nick would tell me when we got there. I’d had no idea what to bring, and had frantically thrown everything I could think of into my bag, as we drove up I began to realise all the things i’d not thought of, but there was no turning back, I could tell by the way that officer gripped the wheel we were in a hurry!”

Mrs Ellerton wasn’t letting up, Susie glanced at the clock, her shift was due to finish in ten minutes, but she couldn’t go anywhere until the old bag wrapped it up. Putting the spoon down, she tried to fight the rising anger, and decided to try and get Mrs Ellerton to cut to the chase.

“So why had your husband had you brought there?”

My Entry:

“Oh no dear, he wasn’t your grandpa”

Susie looked at Mrs Ellerton with a frown, wishing she had been paying closer attention.

“No, Nick wasn’t my husband dear. Don't you know what your own grandpa’s name is?”

Susie pulled a name out of her mind, wanting the conversation to be over.

“John?”

The old woman laughed. Spluttering and coughing the food she had just eaten.

“Your grandpa’s name is Frank. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, we were travelling up north, the roads were in terrible condition and the young lad made me nervous. We entered the grounds of a really big house, one of those fancy ones that rich people lived in. They turned those places into hospitals during the war, ‘course I didn’t know that at the time.”

Susie sat forward in her seat, the plate of gravy on her lap forgotten and her anger dissipated. She had visited one of those houses while they had displayed it looking like a war hospital, the memory made her shiver.

“I had no clue what I was walking inter’. The officer rushed me inside, there were so many rooms, and so many faces. It was all just a blur. But I will never forget the door that lead me to Nick. It was closed see, and the officer told me he was behind it, all I had to do was turn the handle, but I couldn’t do it.”

A tear ran down the women's weathered cheek. Susie reached for a tissue and dabbed at Mrs Ellerton’s face. Her eyes glanced once more at the clock, she was going to be late.

“The officer didn’t understand why I didn’t go in straight away. But men are like that, aren’t they?”

Susie nodded, she knew exactly how men could be. Her ex was one of those, incapable of understanding how she felt or paying what he owes.

“Nick was covered in bandages. His breathing was loud. And I remember the floor being sticky.”

Susie’s heart tried to claw its way out of her mouth as she remembered her many visits to the hospital as a child, it's what made her decide to become a nurse.

“Of course the director wanted many takes of that scene. I had to cry my eyes out for hours without a break.”

Susie stopped breathing as she looked directly at Mrs Ellerton’s face. Her mind slowly registering the words the old woman had said.

“Director?”

“Yes dear. Didn’t you know I was an actress? I’m sure your mam would have said that about me. She never liked my acting, neither did your grandpa. He was away all the time in the bunker, see, being so intelligent as he was. We only married so if he died I would have an income. But I wanted something more, I told you I was adventurous at your age. Didn’t think I would be acting in big films, now did ya’?”

Susie sighed. She had heard enough. Her shift had ended, the plate of gravy had gone cold and she was ultimately late for her daughters show.

“Goodnight Mrs Ellerton. Roger will be around later to put you to bed.”