But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine.
- Thomas Jefferson -
I was out and about earlier on the sunniest day we've had in a good while and although it was still cool, only about 17°C, the sun held some warmth which I took advantage of at the beach.
To say I needed a little sun on my body would be an understatement; it's been far too gloomy lately, untypical for a winter in my area which usually holds cold but blue sky days, and I was very glad to see the day turn into what was a rather awesome sort of day. Although, whilst the day was awesome, I was not.
Bad Company
I've been feeling somewhat pressured lately; it's a work thing. It's not that work is pressuring me, in fact it's the opposite; my company and incredibly happy with my performance and results - it's me putting the pressure on myself.
There's a few things in my private life that have added to the pressure as well and, when combined, the weight has piled on rather relentlessly. I've always driven myself harder than anyone else ever could and that's what I've been doing lately - just to keep up. I've been spread thinly across my commitments and it's taken a toll on my attitude and whilst I've taken steps to arrest it, sometimes that comes out in ways I'd rather it not.
Today I was on the phone with someone I value and I wasn't very good company.
I shouldn't have made the call, but I did in the hope the chat would snap me to attention, but it wasn't to be. I wasn't rude, or mean, disrespectful or abusive - I would have ended the call quickly if I thought I was - but I was bad company and the person on the other end deserved good company.
I ended the call rather quickly and I think the person on the other end was left feeling a little sad, and probably confused and helpless. It's not a good feeling for the person and it's not a good feeling for me to have been the cause of it. I regret making the call.
I apologize
My friend would read what I just wrote and probably want to slap me for it; good friends are like that. They can be open and honest with each other, not judgemental or critical and they understand and support rather than condemn and complain. I know my friend will just want to get to the bottom of why I feel as I do and, find how to help and move me forward but only I can do that. But to my friend, I apologize...And have sent the message saying so earlier today.
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl -
I'm fortunate to have some very good friends who care more than they should, understand when to push and when not to, and how to support me.
It's a difficult thing when on the phone though as body language doesn't translate and it's difficult also when the person themselves cannot actually make a difference no matter how much they want to. They know I'll be ok though, that I'll build an attitude-bridge over the chasm in front of me and get to the other side; I know I will also as I've done it many times before. It just takes time and effort.
It would be great if life was all blue skies and sunshine, but it isn't. It can be gloomy and it rains and it just fucken sucks at times...but it's all we have, life I mean. It's ok for it to be difficult as that teaches us how to evaluate and change as people and it also helps us appreciate the sunny days much more.
I hope you all have a great weekend and make the most of what you have, you deserve it.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind
The two linked tracks are from one of my favourite bands, Five Finger Death Punch.
Any images in this post are my own