I woke up to some disturbing news this morning, something pretty terrible for those concerned and all I could think of was myself and wife Faith.
I won't go into details, but someone very close to me and his wife are having some issues. It seems she's been having a long-term affair with someone else, who is also having an affair with two others and is also married with a couple of kids at the same time. It's a pretty bad situation although, from what I have been told, it's being dealt with in a fairly mature way...For now at least.
Faith and I woke up to the same WhatsApp messages and must have both been thinking the same thing, thank fuck that's not us. But it could be right? I mean, we're human like the rest of the world...Despite the fact that I wish I was from another planet. we are human and are subject to human frailties.
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It made me think about our relationship, of 27 years married and 33 years as a couple, and realise how lucky we are. It hasn't been easy for sure, however here we are, in love and happy...Lucky to have weathered the adversity life tends to throw up and still be together; Friends and lovers also. I think it's pretty special and in this social environment reasonably rare too, at least when compared against the divorce rate and the rate at which people swap partners.
We talked about this latest trouble and both decided that all relationships are balanced precariously on a flimsy swing-bridge held up by a few tenuously-connected cables and a few firmly planted pillars on each bank over what could only be described as troubled waters. Life itself.
All the good stuff happens on that bridge, but lurking below is all the troubles, problems and issues, temptations, hate, hurt and fear that a couple could fall into if their footing on that bridge is not secure.
People often ask me what our secret is but I never have a satisfactory answer. I mean trust, respect, compromise, passion, humour, common-interest (values and ethos), seperate interests, physical attraction, emotional compatibility, ability to grow and develop, to change, forgive, stand ones ground, relent...So many things come into play with a relationship...But who am I to tell someone what the secret is when all I'm really doing with Faith is taking each day at a time? I'm no expert...I'm just as flawed and imperfect as the next person.
But here we are, strong in our relationship and, whilst I get yelled at sometimes because I'm a fucking dumb-ass, we make it all work.
It's been a while since I've written about her. I used to do so a lot more because I'm proud of her and lucky to have her in my life...I guess I figure that you guys don't really give a fuck so I tend not to get too deep into my feelings here...Today though, well I guess, like always, I'm writing this for me...Because I'm grateful to have such a person as Faith in my life and that it's not us going through that situation above.
I'm one of those guys who has changed a lot over my life. I don't mean I was bad and am now good, or vice versa...Just that I have allowed the real me to emerge the older I became and one of the benefits there is that I became more able to say and show how I feel rater than holding it inside. I think that's been an excellent change and has certainly made me able to find greater depth in life.
Today, I told Faith how grateful I was to have her in my life and how fortunate I think we are to be the two individuals we happen to be...Not perfect by any means, but flexible, honest with ourselves and each other, passionate and with an ethos designed around living the best life we can...Together.
One of my hopes is that the people I value and have around me can find similar, including those people above who are going to have to walk through fire to emerge like the Phoenix...Or burn up altogether.
We're all on that swing bridge over troubled waters I think, not just those in relationships, but what counts is what we do up on that bridge and deal with things when it starts to swing precariously with the adversity life will always throw up.
Thanks for reading y'all. Have a great day.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised.
Be well
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