For the first eight years of my daughter's life, my friends and I would constantly joke about the fact that MJ couldn't stand me.
When she was a baby, she didn't want to be held by me. When she was a toddler, she didn't walk to me. When she entered kindergarten, she didn't want to tell me about her day. She didn't even want to sit by me on the couch to watch "My Little Pony" (which is actually a pretty clever show filled with pop culture references).
Why would I want to joke about something so horrible and sad?
It's because I left out the rest of the story. You see, it's really not that she couldn't stand me, she just LOVES her mom far more than me. She loves my wife more than anything in this world.. or any other world for that matter. I can't blame her. Moms and dads are a team that hopefully compliment each other. To kids, moms are the physical embodiment of love. Dads are the guys who watch them when mom finally gets to have a night of drinking wine and watching the movie "Bad Moms" with her friends.
Obviously I'm exaggerating... but hopefully you get the point that I know my daughter loves me.
She just loves her mom significantly more. Please don't worry about me though. I also know that parenting is a marathon. I'm anticipating the roles reversing for a brief period of time between the ages of fourteen and twenty. So I have that going for me... which is nice.
Last week, I posted a story about my son Timmy's Tee-Ball incident ... and his subsequent artistic rendering of the event. After posting it, my daughter asked, "Are you going to do one with a picture I drew?" I assured her that I would (especially since she was actually talking to me... I didn't want to blow what might be my only chance).
One picture immediately came to mind. Two years ago, MJ was given an assignment to draw a picture of what she would bring with her to a desert island. Here is what she drew:
Ok let's take a closer look at what my seven year old daughter thought was most important in her life.
On the far right, she drew her mom of course. She's really pretty isn't she? It's not every day you find a woman whose waist is as small as her eye! MJ then drew herself standing as close to her mom as possible. Both of them are smiling. Next, she included her dresser full of clothes. Which is actually pretty smart. You want to be clean and look fresh for your rescue. To the left of the dresser is my son Timmy. He appears to have no mouth. Perhaps my daughter was hoping he'd be quiet and leave her alone... I'm pretty sure not even a lack of a mouth would stop him. It is important to note that during the time period in which MJ drew this, she routinely referred to my son as "The meaniest, meany, who ever lived". We found it beautiful that she included him despite his "meaniness". Now that is love! Next, she sketched a picture of her favorite stuffed animal at the time: Olaf from the movie Frozen. This too made sense. We all know he loves beaches. Furthermore, he could provide entertainment and snow cones... if you are willing to overlook where he got them. Finally she drew her bed with a nice soft fluffy pillow. Again, she showed how smart she is. It's important to be comfortable and to get a good night's sleep. But wait. Was there something missing? Was there more on the back? Nope.
I happened to be home the day she drew this. After my wife picked her up and they returned home, all three of us sat at the kitchen table. "Look what I drew Mommy!", MJ exclaimed. Hmmmm I was sitting right there! She could have at least thrown in a curtesy "and Daddy"... but alas I was meant to suffer. I suppose it's my lot in life. After my wife looked at it and appropriately praised our daughter, I asked to see it. I immediately wanted to burst out laughing but I was already on thin ice with my daughter. I didn't want to add "he laughs at my drawings" to my list of offenses. I composed myself and kindly asked her about the picture. "Ooo what's this? Who is that? It's very smart to bring a bed so you can be comfortable.", I said. Things were going well. She was talking to me. I had laid the groundwork for the big question. "Where am I?", I asked. She quickly responded, "I didn't have time to draw you." To be honest, I was actually just relieved that she didn't say, "Of look at the bottom left in the sand. That is your skull. We ate and buried you." (As it turns out, the thing in the sand is a shell... not my skull.)
I nodded my head and replied, "Ok. It's a beautiful drawing. Should we hang it on the refrigerator?" She responded. "I want to hang it up with Mommy." Curses! Of course she did.
As the two of them carefully hung up this masterpiece, I chuckled to myself. I couldn't wait to take a picture and show my friends. She had time to draw her mean brother, a stuffed Olaf, a bed, and a freaking dresser... but no time for dad. Oh yeah, she also drew a shell.
I love my daughter and I know she loves me. This picture never made me doubt that for a second. What it does do is make me laugh every time I look at it. This drawing also serves as a reminder of one very important thing to remember about being a parent:
Do not expect to be thanked
Being a dad is my job. In fact, it is my most important responsibility. I'm expected to do it well. In life, you don't get thanked for meeting your expectations. Do you go to work and get thanked every day for showing up and doing what is expected? Nope. I don't expect to get thanks for doing my job as a dad. My reward will come if my kids end up leading fulfilling and happy lives.
By the way, I did tell my daughter how to respond if anyone asked, "Where's your dad?" She should simply say, "He's off getting a boat to save all of us."