A week passed, and it was time again for our orientation session. I walked to the now familiar room dressed in black. I had made it a point to neither shower nor clean my jumper to quietly protest our conditions. I smelled positively ripe. The Greens shuffled in, looking sunburned and exhausted. They must have been having a hard time adjusting to an agrarian lifestyle. I had never been one for constant manual labor. I couldn’t claim that I looked or felt any better than them. The only thing that made my current situation mildly tolerable was the companionship of Eve, Chelsea, and even, dare I say, Boss. Understanding what she had been through made me better appreciate why she behaved the way she did. We had reached a mutual détente, with me not asking her any prying questions and with her not yelling at me for every small mistake I made.
After the group had arrived, the Yellow began, “I hope you’ve had another productive week. I’ve spoken with all the leaders of your colors, and they seemed pleased with your performance. Today we are going to discuss mandatory retirement. As you may have noticed, there are no elderly around this village. Due to the previous hardships we have encountered and the difficulty of caring for the aged, we have a policy that upon reaching the biological equivalent of fifty-five years, all our sisters voluntarily return to the vats. We have maintained this status quo since the beginning of our colony. You may remember that the First made this decision, in her wisdom, and voluntarily ended her life at age fifty-five also.”
Now I was signed up to kill myself in twenty-five years? This culture was a perversion of all my dreams. I had hoped to create a cure for the cancers of modern society. Technology would create the equality that the world lacked. Clearly, my plans had not all come to fruition. Feeling indignant and angry, I decided it was time to take a stand. I rose from my chair, and everyone stared at me.
“And what about the old White we met? She is clearly beyond fifty years.” The Yellow smiled.
“Of course, the White is an exception to this rule if circumstances demand it. Given her wisdom in guiding us, she can depart at any age that she thinks is correct. The previous White still graces us with her presence and provides needed advice to the current.” I sat back down.
“You have also certainly seen children around the colony. Historically, we have existed by cloning, and that will never change entirely. However, we all have the desire to be mothers, so we started a policy of allowing child clones several decades ago. Given that children are incapable of any heavy manual labor and are the most fragile members of our society, it was decided that they should be raised by the Yellows. They don’t have the physical ability, innate knowledge, or strength of will that all of us born from the vats do, so we train them to be Blues. Thus they can contribute to the health of our colony in their own way.” Everyone around me nodded in agreement without questioning the Yellow. Why weren’t they livid about being told they had a mandatory execution date? My naturally aggressive nature had been bred out of them. I stood back up.
“I want to ask about the person previously in my position. Her name was Nika. What happened to her?” The Yellow seemed caught off guard but then recovered her posture.
“Nika volunteered to go back to the vats, along with the others who came before you who had reached their age of sacrifice so that you could be born. Sometimes we desire an early return when we no longer have the energy to do our jobs properly in the colony. It is considered a noble way to end your time on this earth. In every way, you can consider them your mothers. It is the cycle of life, and new blood only comes from the gift of old.”
I sat back down in shock. She had died so I could exist? Was I was here only because of her willing choice to seed a new life through willful suicide? Then I remembered what Chelsea had said and thought better of trusting any words coming out of this lying Yellow’s mouth.
“That is all for today. Your last required meeting is next week. You are dismissed.” Walking back to my flophouse, I realized what had gone unsaid between the Yellow and me. We were all expendable. Any of us could be the next one to “volunteer.”
Human lives were not meant to be treated like pet hamsters, replacing one sick pet with a healthy one whenever it was convenient, or when it was too much of a bother to care for them. Yet, Boss, Eve, and Chelsea hadn’t said a single negative thing to me. They hadn’t blamed or accused me of stealing Nika’s life away from her. Their silence showed their character as much as this society’s norms showed its. Worse, I had been willfully ignorant of their grief. I was angry, embarrassed, and ashamed. I realized that I could not face them right now without breaking down and making a fool of myself. Through a nearby window, I saw old Jane staring at me. This was her fault. What made her so special that she could live while everyone else died? I walked towards her door and started beating on it. She ran over and immediately let me in.
“Stop making a scene. The others will see you. I’ve been waiting for you, or should I say, someone like myself.” Now I was confused again. The blood drained from my face, and the fight left me. “I guess you learned the first truly unpleasant truth. I didn’t react too well the first time I heard it, either. You know, we all used to believe everything they told us here. I’m not sure if old age jogs your memory, or if your misguided idealism just leaves you after a few decades of experience.”
“How are you even still alive?”
“Oh, I learned a few things that I shouldn’t have. I get to breathe as long as I keep my mouth shut. However, I am getting rather old as you can see, and I realize now that nothing is going to change here without drastic actions. I had thought I could change one mind at a time, but they have gotten too good at removing any person who deviates too far from the party line. By the way, I’ve been listening to your orientations, and they have been very entertaining.” She held up a small radio. The microphone must have been placed in the room. “It’s a cheap toy that I got the Blues to trade for, but it’s very useful.”
“It seems like everyone else remembers certain things that I don’t, and they have accepted this reality as the right one. Is there a reason for that?”
“Let’s just say that your personality tends more to the original. Besides trying to win minds, I have had my own initiative to fix them also. We needed someone like you, Veronica and I. I thought having one agent working for me would be enough, but that plan died with her. I think you and I can fix this society if you join me.”
“Wait a second. Veronica worked for you?”
“I know things seem confusing, but give it some time and it will all sort out. You are everything we hoped you would be. Now, you need to leave before anyone sees you in here. We will meet again soon.” She shooed me out her door. “Come here again a week after your last orientation. Don’t tell anyone we talked. I will tell you my final solution to this problem then.”
My head hurt. This was getting to be a little much. I realized I was tardy for work duty, and I sprinted back to the barracks. Chelsea greeted me at the door.
“You’re late.”
“Sorry, I got delayed.” I ran in and grabbed my gear. Chelsea led the way to join the rest of the group to continue our work for the day. We made our way to the nearest farm. The pig shit, located inside their sleeping stalls, smelled especially pungent that day. I idled my way over to Boss, my feelings now overflowing with revolutionary zeal.
“Boss, don’t you have a problem with the system here?”
“That isn’t a healthy topic to discuss. I think I’ve already told you this before. You should just learn to accept it like the rest of us. The sooner you get with the system, the better.”
“You don’t believe that do you? I heard you had a relationship with Nika. I now know for a fact that she was working to change the system, and she was not alone.”
Her face turned the color of an overripe plum.
“You don’t ever talk about Nika to me! I know what happens to people who don’t know how to shut up, and you are not going to make the same mistakes she did. I will personally beat you until you can’t get out of bed so you don’t do anything stupid. Keep that in mind.” Boss then turned around and stalked away from the building.
Eve walked over and stared at me.
“You need to talk less and shovel more. I thought we had made it clear about what you can tell Boss. What is wrong with you? She is technically in charge of reporting anything we say to the White. If she doesn’t, her head rolls along with yours.”
“Is that what happened to Nika? Did the boss turn her in to save her own skin? I didn’t think she was that spineless.” I felt my vision shift as Eve slapped me off my feet.
“She is right. You need to learn to shut up.” Eve stormed off to join Boss outside. My cheek hurt from the blow, and I tried to hold back tears. Chelsea, who had been working quietly in the corner, walked towards me.
“Let’s talk later. I’ll meet you in the forest at the old house.” The rest of the day I sulked in anger and disappointment.
It was nearly pitch dark when I met Chelsea in the forest. She threw a shovel at me while she held a lit torch so we could see.
“Follow me.” She led me past the dilapidated buildings and into a field.
“I buried it here.”
“What is it?”
“It’s something that will destroy one or both of us. It has already killed before, but I think you are setting yourself up for trouble anyway, based on your recent behavior. You might as well know the truth if you are planning to go out in a blaze of glory.” After a few moments of digging, I heard a clink, and Chelsea pulled out a small box.
“We found what’s inside here last year under one of the razed buildings.” She pulled out an old digital video recorder. “Hopefully, it still has some energy. It was a pain to find a charger for it.”
She clicked the on button. The low battery indicator was blinking, but it appeared that there was enough juice to play what was stored on it. The screen flickered to life, and an older version of me appeared. She was covered in blood. There was so much blood. Something very bad had just happened. Behind her, the room she was in was ablaze. Another clone was trying to break down the door, which was not budging.
I only have a minute or two left. She has taken over the settlement. I started this with the best intentions. It was a struggle of a lifetime to make this village succeed. There were too many sacrifices, and good intentions were not enough to survive the uncompromising winters. However, we did it. We all had roles to play and I chose the humblest to lead. I lived by “Each according to her ability and need,” but what happens when everyone has the same ability and need? I had not thought that this would be the consequence. All five of us were supposed to be equal. She didn’t agree with that, or should I say I didn’t agree, since everyone here is me. It’s my fault that this mess got started. What a fool I was. She has started selectively modifying the genetic memories of my blueprint for the future. I’m leaving this so someone knows. I know my soul will go on into the future. The Second is not to be trusted. This was all her doing. I hope you stop her. We can do it and save everyone. Please save my dream.
I replayed the video two more times. The time stamp appeared to be close to two hundred years old. The power died on the device.
“I knew something wasn’t right here.” It then hit me. She had said five of us. Not six. Five. There had been no White in her society. I thought back to the video. What had she been wearing? She had been wearing black like me. Was that woman the First? It wasn’t certain, but it seemed pretty likely. The Second had betrayed her and modified the ones who had come after. But why was I different? I had been ‘born different.’ I didn’t blindly accept what I was told. The memory transfer must not have been perfect. Anomalies were always present in a procedure as complicated as cloning. The old White had implied that she had done some tinkering of her own also. Was I a consequence of changes she had made purposefully? Unfortunately, this anomaly would not take all this sitting down.
“So what are you going to do about it?” Chelsea asked.
“I think I need to go have a talk with the old White first. Did you share this with the others?”
“Nika asked me to keep it a secret. I honored her wish. I don’t want to see any more of my family get killed. If Boss or Eve saw this, I am certain they would also get volunteered. Even if I brought it into the town square, do you think the others would have believed me?”
“No. Sadly, I don’t. I see now that Nika tried to expose the truth, the best way she could.”
“And she paid the consequences. If you want to do the same, you will need a better plan than being indignant and angry. That is why I showed you this. I think you are a little bit more thoughtful than she was. You also seem to know certain things that we don’t. I think you are the throwback that she was waiting for.”
“I hope you are right. I think I know what I need to do first.” I handed the video recorder over and started making my way back to the dorm.
The next day, I woke up early, snuck out to the village, and went straight to Old Jane’s residence. It took a while for her to make it to the door.
“What do you need? It’s hardly 5 AM.” I grabbed her by the neck and dragged her inside, slamming the door behind her.
“This is your fault! You manipulated and destroyed everything, killing the First in cold blood. The Second was the enemy of our society, and you are a copy of her! Your White color is all I need to know about whose side you are on. You’ve been using me from the start. I’m not going to let history repeat itself.” I could hear her starting to wheeze. I let her go so she could have one last chance to explain herself.
“Are you done? Sit down and tell me. What do you think you know?”
“I will not sit down. I know that you have manipulated the genetic memories of my sisters. There was never even a White. It is something you made up to concentrate power. There was never supposed to be a class system where one Color was unequal to another. You disgust me.”
“All partially true accusations, but with no proof, you are just spouting idle gossip. You know that we are born knowing all of this. We begin our lives knowing we are murderers. How do you think I have lived so long? I’ve been able to use this information to keep myself alive in spite of the new version of me being in power.”
“So what do you want me to do about it? You were in charge and did nothing.”
“I am old and no longer capable of changing anything. You can still make a difference. I am not interested in sending myself to the vats voluntarily. However, I feel like I have one more revolutionary action left in me before I pass on. I have my own ideals and a conscience also, although you probably think of me only as a monster. Just because I am a copy of the Second doesn’t mean that you and I are inherently different. I believe in the ‘Greatest Good,’ and I think the current system is not set up for this maxim.”
“What can I possibly do to undo hundreds of years of brainwashing and gene manipulation? I am outnumbered, and I don’t want to meet an unhappy end like your last conspirator.”
“You’ve noticed you are different than the others. We just need to see more of those differences. Once we achieve that, the path forward will become clear.”
“And how do we do that?”
“I’ll show you. Meet me at the birthing center at eleven PM.”
“How can I trust you?”
“If you can’t trust yourself, who can you trust?” I sat there and considered it. It was true that we all began from the same roots. I could also understand her need for revenge, as I felt that emotion, as well.
I made my way back to the bunk where I found my family waiting for me. Boss spoke first.
“Why did you sneak out this morning?”
“I felt like going for an early morning jog.”
“I’ve never woken up early for exercise a day in my life.”
“People change. You should know that.”
“And what does that mean, exactly?”
“We are not all the same.”
“That much is obvious. Tell me something I don’t know. For example, why you are trying to deceive me? We may be different people, but our telltale signs are still the same. You should really move your hand away from your mouth when you lie. Now, what is going on?”
“It is too dangerous. I don’t want to get you involved.” Boss grabbed me by the neck, pushing me painfully into the wall.
“Don’t tell me you are going to be like Nika! She was butchered. The village is set up to take care of nuisances like you. What can you do to change any of this?” It was getting hard to breathe, but I had to speak the truth. I owed it to her.
“I met with the old White. She and I are going to bring down this whole system.” Boss let me go.
“Are you an idiot? She was the one in charge of the regime.”
“I can’t sit here and do nothing. Everything we worked for has been corrupted.”
Chelsea decided it was an opportune time to intercede. “Boss, you need to let her choose her own path.”
“I agree.” Eve nodded. “It’s not her fault that Nika died.”
“I know,” said Boss, “but I can’t let her repeat Nika’s mistakes, either. What are you going to do that’s different?”
“Nika was killed because she thought she could bring truth to the blind. I don’t know what difference I can make, but I’ve got Old Jane at my side on this. I think old age has opened her eyes to the need for change. She will help me, even if it is out of selfishness for her legacy. The woman is the most knowledgeable of us currently alive. Without her assistance, I have no hope in succeeding. Besides, if she doesn’t help me, you will tell the next me to not trust her. I am meeting her tonight.”
“I see it is pointless to try and stop you. Even if I locked you in here, I’m certain you would find a way to escape. I still remember how stubborn we all are once we’ve set our mind to a goal. You can skip work today. You need to prepare for this evening,” Boss said. “We will cover for you.” She came over and gave me a hug. “You better come back.”
“Don’t forget that the rest of us are here also. Give them hell!” Chelsea said.
“We will back you up when you need us. We need someone to put these old ghosts to rest,” Eve added.
Evening came, and I made my way out the door before Eve, Chelsea, or Boss had returned. I knew that Boss would feel guilty if she didn’t try to stop me one last time, and I couldn’t cause her any more pain. That wouldn’t be right by Nika’s memory. I sat in the forest, admiring the majesty of nature until the appointed time came. I made my way to the village. Old Jane was waiting in a blind alley a block away from the facility.
“What is the plan?”
“I’ll tell you more when we get in.”
“How do I know you aren’t setting me up?”
“Look at how decrepit and ancient I have become. If I were to betray you, I am certain you could easily kill me. I know that things need to change. Living a long life gives you some perspective. Now let’s go.”
She led me quickly to the front of the old building where I had been first brought into this world. The door was barred.
“Fortunately, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.” She opened the door with an ID card. “Follow me inside.” We made our way to the basement where the cloning equipment was stored. “Youth always goes first.”
I walked in and saw in front of me dozens of fully grown clones floating in their vats. Their lifeless eyes were blank, in spite of them all being alive. All they lacked was information to fill their empty brains. For now, they lived unaware and breathed the liquid oxygen that surrounded them.
“So what now?” I asked.
“After Nika was recycled, I thought long and hard about what had gone wrong in our strategy. It became clear to me that educating the masses was just not possible. The controls that had been put in place were too strong to be broken by one woman, regardless of how passionate she was.”
“So what does that have to do with what we are doing now?”
“When you came and visited me, it was clear that some of Nika’s personality had been displaced into you. That gave me an idea. One woman could do nothing, but an army? That could bring about change. Now, can you help me by walking over to that control panel over there?”
I did as she asked.
I turned around and saw too late the syringe she held. I tried to knock her hand away, but it was too late. She injected me with a paralytic. I fell to the floor.
“I’m sorry it has to be this way. I tried the first time with words. They weren’t enough. I think something within Nika activated your latent memories when she was reprocessed into you. The only problem is that her raw material was mixed with a bunch of others. We can’t have that happen this time. Don’t worry. It won’t be painful. Your death won’t be in vain. Your sacrifice will serve the greater good. Be the revolution, Star.”
I started to feel the life drain away from me. There would be others after me. Justice would be served. Darkness swirled my vision as I slowly went to sleep for the last time.
I suddenly awoke. She had failed to kill me. I would get that bitch back for double-crossing me. I felt weak. The tranquilizer must have worn off. I lifted myself up carefully and looked around. There were dozens of others waking up around me. Old Jane’s body lay on the ground in front of me. She had been killed with a scalpel to the neck. One of my sisters grabbed me by my hand and lifted me to my feet. She was covered in birthing agent. I noticed that I was, too. I asked her a single question.
“Do you know who you are?”
“I know who I am. Do you who you are, Star?”
I started to laugh as once again I realized that I was not the First, but just maybe I would be the last.