Figures.
Last Wednesday, I kind of announced my intent to turn my mid-week posts into something related to Marvel comic books I collected in my teens. While I believe I will still do that, this post isn't about that at all.
It's about basketballs.
So, anyone who came searching for the comic book topic (all 1 billion of you), I'm sorry.
Hopefully, next week.
Work, Work, Work, Work, Work
Yeah, it's on my mind. Today, I was supposed to go help a co-worker put together pool tables in a remote area of my routes, but instead, I got a reprieve and was able to stick around closer to home. Tomorrow, though, it's pool table assembly duty.
I've yet to go through that entire process, so I'm sure it will be educational, if I manage to survive all the heavy lifting. I'm guessing it's not going to be as bad as I'm making it out to be, but lowering expectations and then everything actually turning out fine is a go to Jedi mind trick I use on myself when I've got to do something I don't really want to do.
Yeah, I know. In some ways, you just never grown up, do ya?
Pool isn't the topic, though. Basketballs are.
This Isn't In My Job Description
I think I'm feeling a proper rant coming on. Let's see if it actually manifests.
My job is fairly simple. I collect money from coin and bill operated machines. That means getting in and out of a lot of locked and often padlocked doors. It also includes keeping display cases stocked with prizes people can win. And, to the extent that I can, I get the machines back up and running when they inevitably malfunction.
But then, like many jobs, I suppose, there's this unwritten duties as assigned clause. That's where you end up doing something that really isn't your job, but if you don't do it, no one will, and you'll ultimately be blamed for it not being done.
Setting The Scene
Okay. So, sprinkled throughout my routes, are basketball games. Usually, there are four or five slightly undersized leather-ish basketballs for participants to throw into a hoop that may or may not move side to side or back and forth. There's a time limit, a certain amount of points need to be reached in order to extend play, blah, blah, blah.
The basketballs I've mentioned are not light, and they're cumbersome for smaller children, so the possibility of them actually getting the ball where it needs to go drops the younger they are. My guess is, most kids who are maybe five or above will have the strength to heave a basketball somewhere near the hoop.
On each side of this machine is a steel mesh that prevents the ball from going sideways. Some even have them over the top so the ball can't get stuck behind the machine on accident. Generally, a ball won't carom off of any part of the machine and end up anywhere other than coming back to the shooter.
You Catchin' My Drift?
Okay. So some weeks ago (maybe a month and a half even), I came in to collect money from an establishment that has a few of our machines and noticed that the basketball game was missing basketballs. In their stead were soccer balls which belong to the business I was at, not the company I work for. Presumably, someone had put them there so there would still be four objects to launch toward the hoop.
Okay, great, but that's not the way things are supposed to be. Also, where were the three errant basketballs? Were they misplaced (it would be very easy to do there, given the size of the place and what occupies the space there)? Were they stolen (harder to do—the front desk person has a large screen with multiple camera views of the place, plus it's tough to hide a basketball on your way out the door).
When I asked, the front desk person didn't know exactly, but tossed out another possibility.
The inside of this place has ceilings that are at least 25 feet high. Maybe more. However, there are rooms for parties and such where the ceilings are considerably less, maybe ten feet at most. That means, it's possible for objects to end up above the ceiling of these rooms. Can't really call it a roof, but hopefully you get the idea from the picture I've provided.
So, the possibility the font desk person had was, the basketballs might be up there.
Remember The Job Description Part
Okay. Fine. Could be up there. No evidence. Can't see up there from below. In order to know, there would need to be a ladder, grappling hook, batarang, something.
I asked. The place doesn't have a ladder, even though I'm sure it would be handy for all sorts of reasons (I didn't bother to ask about the other possibilities. Maybe I should have).
Guess what? I don't run around with a ladder, either. It takes up quite a bit of space in the back of my van, which means displacing stuff I might actually regularly use in order to even put a ladder in there.
Climbing into the basketball rig itself wasn't going to get me the height I needed (maybe if I were a monkey), and even if it did, the machine was too far away from the wall to reach out and grab any basketballs that might be up there.
So, what did I do? I did the only thing I could do. I punted. I had some basketballs in the van I could pump up, so I put in a couple and removed the soccer balls.
A couple of weeks go by. I come back to check in. Guess what? The replacement basketballs were gone. So is a soccer ball. That left one basketball and one soccer ball.
Great. I still didn't have a ladder. Neither did they. Also, there's a time factor involved. I have other things I'm supposed to be doing that don't include chasing down basketballs. I punted again. Two more basketballs, along with the soccer ball because I don't know what else to do.
Two more weeks go by. By now, you probably know what happened. Only one basketball left. The others have disappeared along with the second soccer ball.
I can't justify putting more basketballs in there, but I still don't have a ladder. The company has a shop where there are all kinds of ladders, but all of them are either too short, which is no good, or too tall, meaning, they won't fit in the van. The only ladder I know of that I think might work is at home, in our garden shed.
So Now, It's Either Unpack My Van Some To Get The Ladder In...
...or there's only one basketball to use until it goes missing.
Well, finally, yesterday presented a unique opportunity for me to get up to this place at a semi-reasonable hour (before a lot of kids showed up), so I could at least see what I could see. There was no guarantee that there were any basketballs up above this party room. I could be wasting my time.
Unfortunately, I wouldn't know until I climbed up the ladder and looked, and since the people managing the business weren't lighting a fire to get one, it was up to me do it.
I can't really blame the front desk people. There is generally only one of them at a time and they have plenty to do other than babysitting basketballs, or making sure there's a ladder available for me to climb. Unfortunately, none of that gets the basketballs back.
At home, I unpacked part of the van, rearranged some other things, and lugged the ladder to the space I'd cleared. For good measure, I included a push broom, in case my own wingspan wasn't enough (it usually isn't).
Then, after making a stop at another business that I hadn't been to in weeks thanks to Oregon's current response to the pandemic (people weren't allowed to dine in or even linger in the restaurant beyond claiming their food), I headed over to the place in question to finally solve the mystery of the missing basketballs.
Lug The Ladder And The Broom Through The Door And Back To The Machine
I'm nearing 55, not 25. I don't like lugging anything anywhere. It hurts. But, you do what you gotta do, right? I put the ladder over one shoulder and held the broom with the same hand and opened the door with the other, managing not to break anything (door is mostly glass next to glass walls) on the way through.
Basketball game was in the back room, so off I trudged. Next step was to extend the ladder because at the height it needed to be to get into the van, it was too short. So, I pulled it out to the highest point on one side, and then went around to do the same on the other. All the while I was thinking, There better be some basketballs up there or else! Not sure what the or else was for, but whatever. I wasn't happy.
Ladder extended, I positioned it as close to the intersecting wall as I could get it. All that was left to do was go up the ladder.
Did I Say I'm Afraid Of Heights?
Okay, that's not completely accurate. I don't really suffer from vertigo, or can't fly in a plane, or look over a railing. It's the fear of falling that gets me. Ladders are generally secure enough, but by the time my bulk gets to the top of one, it's going to be top heavy, no matter what.
At this point, though, I don't really care. I mean, I still don't want to fall, so I'm careful, but I also want to get this over with, because I had money to collect and might need to fill the change machine.
Up I went. Ladder's not exactly the right height, but I got to a rung that allowed me to balance most of me so I could reach out with the broom. Guess what I saw?
Eight basketballs and two soccer balls! There were exposed two by fours running along the top of the room, which means there were channels for all the sports balls to be in. The closest ones I was able to get reaching out with my bare hand. The ones in the first and second channel closer to the wall I needed the broom to corral. Glad I brought it, because I almost left it behind.
That left the soccer ball in the third channel. It was at the very limit of my broom and then it needed to come over at least one two by four so I could reach it. I contemplated leaving it there for a split second, but I was up there, so I might as well at least make the attempt. Hard part was getting the right angle. Brooms aren't really meant to glom onto round objects. Fortunately, there was another set of two by fours running perpendicular to the others that I used to steady the ball with on one side so I could bring it over to the next closest channel.
That done, there was an empty box up there, too. So, I grabbed it. Another thing brooms aren't exactly engineered to do and I over twisted my body to get to it. That hurt. After the pain of straining muscles subsided I readjusted and pulled the box over.
An Abundance Of Basketballs
Now, of course, I had more basketballs than I needed. So, out to the van went half of them while the rest stayed in the machine. I presented the woman at the front desk with the two soccer balls for her to determine what to do with them. Then, I basically reversed the process for the ladder and carried it and the broom back out to the van.
Parents: Watch Your Dang Children!
The basketballs did not get up there by accident. It happened on at least three different occasions. Kids had to be somewhat older just to get the basketballs up there.
Maybe they threw them up and over the basketball game completely, where they bounced off the wall, not knowing their own strength. That might account for the first one. The next week, another kid let's one fly. So, two out of ten. No way they all ended up there by mistake, though.
This place is mostly for younger children, though I guess there could be a few teenagers showing up with younger siblings. Regardless, there needs to be an adult there.
So, where were the parents? Doing what I've observed most of them doing, no doubt. Not really supervising their kids, but letting them run around while they get on their phones.
Stupid phones.
This kind of behavior doesn't just manifest in public. I'm sure it's an extension of what goes on at home—or better said, what doesn't go on at home.
My family's not immune to it. My oldest son and his wife come over on the weekends and they end up on their phones while the grandson finds stuff for him to do. Sometimes, it's left to Grandpa and Grandma to save him from himself because we're the ones paying attention.
When I Was Your Age...
...we didn't have the Internet at our finger tips. My children largely came of age in the late 90s to early 2000s. The Internet wasn't nearly as much of a thing as it is now. There were no smart phones or tablets until they were well into high school. For most of that, we did have a computer with an external modem and a 24 baud connection over a landline.
Maybe I should feel fortunate that we didn't have the kind of technology we have now. Television was about the only distraction then for parents. But the television didn't go with us to the playground, the store, the mall, the homes of other family members, parties, the pool, hiking, etc. We actually experienced whatever it was we were doing. And yeah, you could still not watch your kids, but you were also thought of as inconsiderate or an idiot for not doing it.
Now, it's like a right of passage.
Wrapping Up
Okay. I guess I'm done. I'm not looking forward to the next time I have to go up there, though. If I knew ahead of time when that might be, I could load the ladder up, just in case. I don't always know, though. This week things have changed from day to day three times. I do a lot of going with the flow.
In the meantime, there's an adventure with pool tables in my future.
Maybe something else I can go on about?
Until then...
...Enjoy!
Images courtesy of Glen Anthony Albrethsen