Although the numbering system in this piece is all over the place ;) I promise it's 5 :-) Even though the formatting goes all weird when I upload.
Since I've been single I've not actively been seeking romance. In fact I was pretty adamant all round that at 32, I was happier alone and focusing on other things.
I'm not every woman, nor a relationship expert but I'm hoping my sharing could may help someone out there get the attention of that lady they like.
- Take an interest in me as a person, rather than "hey you wanna go on a date?" :/
If someones ask me about my feelings, appear to care about my feelings, remember what I look like and things I've mentioned, I am going to take an interest back. Otherwise it felt very generalist, shot-in-the-dark and devoid of genuine emotion or desire.
- Don't tell me about past intimate relationships :/
That just made me think they'd discuss me in that same way with the next half-stranger they met.
- Please, don't mention all the attractive women around you :/ I could elaborate on this, but I don't think it will add much ;) Just, it's not nice, it's not necessary, and it certainly doesn't make me think you are very focused in your affection ;)
- Be discrete with my (or our) business, trustworthy, reliable, respectful & loyal. The little things matter.
If I feel I can confide in you and tell you things I don't want repeated, that's a pretty major score. One friend of mine repeated a minor thing I asked him not to. It wasn't a big deal, but I know not to tell him anything that is.
- Don't bombard :/
If I don't reply to your iMessage, don't send me a snap chat. And then a Facebook message. And then a whats app. By that point it's dead and I'm scared you will next show up at my door.
I think it is fair to say women get scared quite quickly by bombardment and once you have passed into the scary stalker zone there's no going back.
There's nothing to lose by NOT messaging someone.
If they like you, they will seek you out. They are not more likely to like you just because you asked them how they are by a different means this time. I know you want them to know that you are thinking of them, or care about them - but that needs to be a much lesser concern of yours than scaring them. Message once and leave it.
I know, I'm a nightmare to my friends as I get excited and send one link and then a question and then another link, sometimes about five messages with no reply. But they are my friends, I know them, I have spent time with them and I do not actually care if they message me back or not. A new romantic thing is not the same. One message, three words, then drop it.
Three men managed to get me to like them back through persistence, even though initially I wasn't interested, their persistence was not in quantity it was in quality.
They made me laugh, they remembered to ask how a meeting went that I had mentioned. Noticing is sexy. Once we talked about things we had in common, I felt a connection and I wanted to spend more time with them.
I asked for the dates, not them, even though in the beginning it was them after me- with me saying "no, I just want to be friends". They didn't disrespect my boundaries but they didn't give up being friendly, supportive and there for me whatever. Eventually I found them attractive, when I hadn't seen them that way before.
I want to remember how you made me feel. Whether it was some shared time together doing a fun activity, a chat we had, that's the thing that will make me come back for more of the same. Repeating "how about a drink, meal, not even a coffee?" It's focusing on the wrong thing.
As I said, I'm definitely not an expert and I'm only one female.
Last thing I have to share: I have been having a little glancing relationship with two guys who train at the gym when I train every week. For. Two. Years.
I am far too shy to even smile back at them :/ I look down when they look at me and put the level up. It's my new year's resolution to just smile back. I'm confident in other areas of my life and with male friends, but in this area I no longer am. I don't know if they like me or are just looking at me because I look at them, but please, if you do like a girl- speak to her, just say "hey".
Never think she's out of your league or she's probably not checking you out because there are fitter and bigger guys in the gym.
The two guys I am talking about are just ordinary looking guys in normal gym gear - they aren't the beefcakes in vests.
Thanks for reading! If you found anything at all useful, please upvote :-)
I may then elaborate more on these things :-) It's not my usual area of expertise, I just thought it may be helpful to share these observations. "I've heard that attraction is either there or it isn't". "If someone doesn't speak to you then they don't like you enough". "If someone talks about other women they clearly aren't that into you as men know that puts people off". That hasn't been my experience.