With my son's 14th birthday right around the corner, I figured I'd ask him what he would like me to waste my money on this year. He quickly replied, "I would love the PlayStation VR for your PlayStation 4." (The emphasis of it being my gaming console was put there by me). I told him that if he wanted to use it, he’d need to duel me for it.
The sport is already wildly popular with invisible people.
Because I don't like to make anything too easy for him and I also want to teach him an important life skill, I always respond to these requests with, "Convince me." This means I expect him to do some research, read reviews, test the item and then hunt for the best deal. Then he needs to report back to me.
Well he recently reported back to me and opened with, "There are so many amazing games for it. But one is the best game ever." I took the bait and inquired what this incredible game could be. He proudly responded, Job Simulator.
Job Simulator ?!
Almost as confusing as your girlfriend kissing her brother.
WTF!
Are you freaking kidding me? This kid can't stand to do his real work and he wants to take on some pretend work? Seriously? Plus I think this is simply offensive to people like me and you who actually need to work in order to feed our damn kids who want to mock us by playing a game based on what we do 40 to 168 hours per week! Work isn't fun. It isn't a game. It sucks! That is why they pay you!
This is really a game. I shit you not.
OK but what the heck does this have to do with sports?
Clearly the world has changed. Instead of going outside and playing, kids now perform virtual jobs for free... like idiots. There are also countless E-Sports leagues and contests. The Fortnite World Cup has a $100 million prize pool. Colleges are starting to offer scholarships for E-Sports. In other words, parents can never again say, "Stop wasting your time and put away that video game." Because now a kid can legitimately say, "I'm training for college."
Curses!
Luckily it seems some sports are trying to keep up with the times and have widened their nets to try and attract geeks (like my son) to participate in an actual physical activity... WHILE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH THEIR OPPONENT!
For example, The French Fencing Federation or FFF ( I don't know if anyone really calls them that but I like saying it and it sounds like a noise a lightsaber might make while being slowly swung back and forth) has officially recognized Lightsaber Dueling as a sport. It now has its own category just like epee, foil and saber (the stupid non-light kind).
I'm not sure if every match will begin this way, but they should.
The sport even has its own set of rules. These include:
The requirement to point the tips of their lightsabers behind them before attempting to strike their opponent. This will recreate the more swooping attacks of the lightsaber battles in the movies rather than jabs (that might actually work in real life).
Competitors are not allowed to strike their opponent while they are pointing the tip of their blade backwards.
Competitors score 5 points for a strike to the head, 3 points for the arms or legs and 1 point for the hand.
Duels last for 3 minutes or until one competitor has earned 15 points (or the competitors’ moms yell that their Hotpockets are done).
If both duelers have earned 10 points, the match goes to sudden death and the first to strike the head or body wins.
Never try it if your opponent has the high ground.
Don't ever strike down your opponent. If you do, he shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
The old guy is about to become super powerful... and super dead.
Although this is a new development, I have hope (I avoided saying "new hope" because I didn't want to be that guy) that it will explode and become a scholarship worthy college sport. If it does, my son will have a little over four years to become a master.
Who am I kidding? Even though this sounds incredibly cool, he'll be too busy washing the virtual dishes.