Here I am trying to convince you that separation anxiety is valid, first and foremost, just in case you think I am blowing things up, haha. Perhaps this may sound like a way exaggerating matter to you, but I'm writing about this because my whole mind is blank except for thinking only about my 2-year-old at home. Yes, it is my FIRST separation from him and I was and am experiencing a separation anxiety. Lol.
Do You Know?
Separation anxiety is a result of a deep soul attachment. I have been breastfeeding my boy since birth and that is a 34-months-jouney thus far. Many have tried to convince me I have "over" fed him. Yes, it required a lot of sleep sacrifice on my side and there are days I grumble about it. However, the deep bond that we have is almost unspeakable.
So here are some scientific facts:
The skin-to-skin contact regulates the body temperature and blood pressure, and at the same time, stabilized glucose level.
Breastfeeding also induces the production of oxytocin which is actually a hormones released by the hypothalamus. This hormone is responsible for reducing stress. This would actually calm the baby and also the mother down. It has great soothing effects.
Breast milk is very sweet. The sweet taste of the milk would release opiods which functions like pain killer and has analgesic effects.
There is also a surge of responsiveness of the mother who breastfeed their child due to the close bond they already established. The skin-to-skin contact increases the mother's sensitivity and produces a great desire to be with the baby as much as she can.
Research has found that the more that babies and mothers are kept together, the greater the impact on the mother in terms of exhibition of responsive caregiving and security of attachment in the child. Source: Karleen D Gribble, International Breastfeeding Journal
Traveling Alone VS Traveling with a Child
VS
I used to love flying alone especially before I was in a relationship, married or even after I was married. I very like the quietness and me hearing my own thoughts. I enjoy looking at things and people around and sometimes strike a conversation with a stranger.
Ever since I have Levi, or 
Even though I'm traveling by myself this time, I still did my necessary preparation such as restock his favorite drink, got him gifts for every day I'm gone, non-stop reminding my husband and mum-in-law where I keep my things and remember to remind Levi to drink a lot of water. Hahaha I am super naggy and hard to be away eh?
Why I am flying alone this time?
Today, I got to fly alone back to the land of Borneo, to my home state, Sarawak. It is my first time flying from Kuala Lumpur to Sibu, which after that I will take a ride to Sarikei, the place my maternal grandparents are at.
My grandma passed away on Saturday early morning, though she had been very critical for the past week. I struggled in my great dilemma to choose to go back to pay my last respect or not, because I clearly know that my boy may not be able to accept or settle in that unfamiliar atmosphere. That is because there was a prior visit when I first brought him back to see his great grandparents. He was not able to get used to the new place, so he was crying the whole time till I couldn't talk much with my grandparents till the husband took him away. What more this time with an elevated spiritual atmosphere, because it is going to be a funeral. I believe children and older people are extra sensitive in their spirits, so I don't blame him. Moreover, I foresee the schedule will be hectic this time too so I decided to make a short trip of three days two nights, for I feel that I NEED to be there. My parents told me not to, considering Levi's attachment to me. However, I still think I NEED to.
My Separation Anxiety Kicks In
Anyway, the separation anxiety kicked in, even before I have decided and purchased the air tickets. I am very worried how he would be, without me.
Will he be able to fall asleep?
Will he be able to eat properly?
Will he be able to sleep through the night? Will he be looking for me and crying all the time?
The longest time we have been separated before is actually 6 hours. This is 12x of what we have experienced before!!!! Before I left, I cuddled him as much as I can, latched him and kept telling him that I am coming back to him, that I love him whether I am away or with him. I asked him, "Levi, do you know mummy loves you?" He said, "Yes!" Then I asked him, "Does Levi love mummy?" He said, "Yes!"
Traveling alone, missing the boy
I know I am better now that I'm flying but I am still looking out for any child who is around me, especially boys. Usually when I'm out without Levi, I would spot the other boys easily, reminding myself of my own. I was looking at things to buy for him and looking at the many photos I have taken of him before I departed from him.
Took lots of photos before my departure from him
Nevertheless, I have to be rest assured everything will be okay. It is a big step out of our comfort zone and perhaps it is also an opportunity for us to grow. My husband and mum-in-law will take good care of him and he will eat and sleep well. We will miss each other but we will be okay! Yeah, it is a new grace once we step into an unfamiliar zone, doing things that usually Levi and I can't do. I thank God for this wonderful grace that in my weakness, He will be the strength that comes from within. I was in church today and God spoke to me that the emotional attachment Levi and I have for each other isn't a bad thing. It is good as he derives great sense of security from me, and it will help him develop his confidence and need not fight for love. In fact, it is usually the good things that may "hinder" us from tapping into even greater things. Our relationship will advance even more after this separation. So okay, I trust God.
The daily report from home is Levi has been VERY OKAY without me, and I too could have some time with my family here.
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