Alert: This could be a very very long post ya! For this topic, you will see why this is my passion because I have just too much to post about!
Being in this era, everyone is talking about their passions. "Be fueled by your passions!" "Be passionate of what you are doing!" For some, it is traveling. For some, it can be their work or business. For some, it can be a great hobby like singing or dancing. So I was totally lost in this. I don't actually have an idea what I would like to do or what I actually like. Hahaha. However, that doesn't mean I don't live life to the fullest as I believe that one will discover as one just LIVE ON! (oh, I'm passionate to talk about purposes of life and anti-suicide spirit too! Another post next time 😏)
Okay so one day, this little baby was born and it is a beautiful baby boy! (haha not that beautiful at first sight, cos he looked all wrinkly due to the water bag he has been 'swimming' in) but I have already loved him so long before I even see him! That baby is Levi Thaddeus Wong Thean Xer, 黄天示！
My husband and I have discussed earlier and decided that I would stay home to take care of him even though it was a bit difficult for me to settle with this decision at first. My mom has been a working mother all her life, so I couldn't gauge how it would be like for me to be at home almost full time (I still tutor 1.5 hours a day now). Anyway, it was one of the more difficult but best decision I have made. With this decision, it means lesser income to our household too. On the other hand, I get to see Levi grow day by day, or rather hour by hour. It has been very precious for me and him to have our exclusive time together. I witnessed him flipped, witnessed him crawl, witnessed him learning to sit, witnessed him took his first step, witnessed how he refused to eat and I had to bear with the headaches on what to feed him everyday, witnessed him walk, witnessed him starting to speak and scream! All these are priceless though I do salute working mothers too, for the sacrifice they made for the family. I have gotten remarks from friends saying, "njhl (ni jiu hao la 你就好啦 - meaning 'Wah, u lucky la') can stay at home with your child. " Well, it was a choice I made, a choice which they can make too if they want. Besides that, there are many times, uncountable times I have been frustrated with him. He doesn't sleep through the night since baby and it is averagely at least 5-6 times per night of waking ups. He wasn't keen to eat until he turned two years old. He still latches on me for the comfort of breastfeeding frequently and randomly, though I still enjoy our bonding this way. Nevertheless, our relationship still outweighs all these frustrations (though I have blown up from time to time and then I ask for his forgiveness again and again, exercising more patience from God, this cycle repeats hahaha)
I always wonder how our son would look like: will he look like his daddy when he was young? My husband has this really cute and angmo-ish look. Indeed, they do look alike and to me , he is a very handsome boy!
Now, let me introduce who Levi is or rather how he is like. He has been this very "cool" baby since young who seldom smile especially out of home. The most remarks I received from anyone is the coolness he showed. Levi is too adorable to me that I call him some cute names like: Pudding, mino, put put, haha. Hard to understand? They just came out from my mouth when I see him. With us, he shows us more sides of him: the playful, intrigued, lovely, cute and fierce sides. Hehe that is the bonus of being his family!
Levi grew to be more and more interesting. He showed interests in music, especially drums and guitar. Drumming is something he watched his daddy do and also whenever we are in church. He shows intense interest in drumming videos too. At home, he would arrange his drums or sometimes containers to play for some time. His hands would tap when there is a beat he likes. On top of music, he is really fond of his cousin, Jayden since young. He would laugh at anything Jayden does, even till today. Levi is a strong-willed boy, he knows what he wants and would not comply to what he doesn't want. So when his will was developing, I felt very tired everyday cos I had to "fight" with him a lot, lol. Levi is also a security-conscious guy, making him attaching to me everywhere we go. He isn't that adventurous to try when he sees a new thing. Recently, he has started to look more and more mischievous and cheeky! He is starting to speak a lot more and I am always amused by his "oh my goodness!" Hahaha maybe it is because I use that a lot and his favorite Mickey Mouse too.
So, why is Levi my passion now? I realize that I am very interested in him, in his life and I take interests in the things he likes too, even they are not too "my-type-of-thing". I am interested to understand him, to understand what he is trying to convey, even when he is being whiny or "unreasonable" or just simply crying. I would want to try my best to identify his need rather than shutting him off (though I can still be impatient with him sometimes). I take my time to read more on why he shows certain behaviours, what he may be thinking or trying to tell me. I also found out that being the most familiar person to him, I am the person so far who can understand most of what he is saying, when others may still be guessing what it is about, although he still speaks in his own 'alien' language quite often, hahah. Here's one that he has learnt to say recently: Whenever he wants to say he loves me, instead of a clear "love you", it always sounds like: "F you!"hahaha How that cracks me and those around up! I love to know Levi, even though I know one day this passion of mine will mean letting him go and letting him explore when he is all grown up. Rather, I have to let go bit by bit as he enters different stage. My husband is fanatic over his own son, when he says he missed Levi everyday even when we are together. Then I know what he meant. He is saying that he misses the yesterday's Levi, the Levi one year ago with small toes and feet, the one who still needed us to carry him all the time. Savoring every moment, I always wish I could capture all of his moments with something that I can replay to watch one day. Even with cameras nowadays, some moments are still missed and as I enjoyed it at the very moment, I am also afraid I may not remember small details like this one day. Hahaha
Never have I thought that parenting can be a passion, MY PASSION! Levi has made our little family complete and the joy he brings is incomparable! I bless him to grow up in his timings and into the things he is meant for, to have good health and joy all the days of his life, knowing he is loved and he has enough of love. I truly, deeply love this boy, my baby boy! What a gift, just like his name! <3
There's so much more to say about Levi, but I think this is good enough for now! Will update about him more as he grows :) Also, as I was finishing up this post, he came to drag me out to him because he spilled his pumpkin seeds AGAIN!