Dear steemit, it's been only few hours you approved my account so, still not sure how everything works here tho... I'm not going to introduce myself yet, even though I still don't know what's this post gonna be about. But i'll give it a try. Let's start like this...
I said I won't tell you who I am (yet) but I will give you some pieces of my life. I live in a small town near the sea. Maybe it won't be so interesting if I tell you the name of the city so, I will describe it to you, it will make it sound much better. Maybe some of you could guess where it is (or not). It's a small town in Europe (I repeat myself) near the sea and it is not so big or crowded either. I mean, everytime I step outside the door, I can't walk without passing someone whom I already met. You know how it is in small cities, everybody knows everyone. So, my neighbourhood seems pretty peaceful and quiet that sometimes you would say that saints live in it. It has a church with a beautiful park near it, big city square (or not so big if you are from idk London), a library etc.
I live there for 18 years since we moved from a small village near the city. My family is pretty big. I have two younger brothers and older sister and we live in a small flat in the centre of the town. It is a really good thing because everything you need is about 5 minutes far so that's a thing I never complained about. However, I am at a Teacher's college in a town near my hometown, so I'm like living my life in two cities. Right now, I'm trying to finish it, to be precise this is finally the last year at college .
It all seems like a perfect life right? I mean, I cannot complain, it's not so bad when you compare it to the worse life conditions. I have pretty nice family, live in a town that I like, study at the college I wanted to, even finishing it. But is it everything I imagined when i was a little girl with big dreams? Oh well, you guess, it's not. You know how you see all those perfect lives on Instagram, like people travelling to idk Paris for New Years Eve, New York, Las Vegas, Thailand, Dubai, and posting photos how they ride an elephant, how they climb Eiffel's tower, how they try to swim in The Dead Sea... And I'm sitting here trying to solve how to do the best I can with my life, and it seems to me that I am constantly missing all of it. How it is possible for someone to accomplish everything they want of his/her life? I find it hard to even wake up in the morning and go to the college, do some obligations that I have and go back to sleep. How people find enough time in 24 hours to do their jobs, to workout, to put their makeup on, to meet up with friends, with their better halves, to post photos of their ''perfect'' lives on Instagram and Facebook? I can't event solve the first task.
Everytime I decide to do my best and to ''seize the day'', I find myself like losing time without even noticing what I am doing. I even started studying and ended up writing this post. But I want it all. I mean, I want everything of life. I want to travel, I want to climb Mount Everest for Gods sake even though I am afraid of heights, I want to swim under Niagara waterfalls (even though I'm not sure if it's possible), I want to explore the world, I want to be able to do all these things without struggling with even small obligations in life. But how? Day lasts 24 hours, and I can't even find out how to sleep for 6 to 8 hours. Even if someone paid me for the time that I sleep, I wouldn't have enough time or money to do and see everything I want. How is it possible that someone has everything already and I need to make everything on my own? But maybe, just maybe, things are not always as they seem at first. Maybe that perfect lady who is Instagram blogger and looks perfect on every single photo she posts, maybe she is not so perfect either? Maybe she doesn't have everything under the control either. Maybe that fitness model on Facebook is not so perfect as he represents himself on photos? Maybe some famous football player who makes like zillion for a second, has suffered so many injuries that he asks himself was it worth it, but still smiles on the photos we see from the football pitch? Maybe this ''perfect online world'' has distorted the picture of life in general. It all seems so perfect for famous people. For example, I listen many types of music, rap, gangsta rap, pop, rock, even children's songs sometimes (don't judge), and those people..I mean singers... dear God. They seem to have it all. Fancy cars, trips to wherever they want, clothes and clothes and more clothes, that Gucci T-shirt I saw on Young Thug and those sneakers Rihanna has that I wanted for years before I was even born! But actually, do they have it ALL? Maybe they are missing some things that I have, maybe they miss the everyday struggle to accomplish some things in life? I mean, they have it all. Some of them would live perfectly if they don't work any minute of their time for the rest of their lives. But, do they, just sometimes, miss the life they had before? Maybe they miss the effort they need to put in everyday, maybe they miss the unplanned life they can't live anymore…Like, maybe for them it wouldn't be a bad thing to wake up in the morning, drink the first coffee and go to work or college, without everybody noticing them in the streets, asking what's the next step they are going to do, what's the next song that is going to be a big hit, what's the next movie they are working on, what's the next competition they are going to be a part of. I can't even imagine the pressing they have to accomplish something. Like million of eyes are pointed in their direction and everyone can't wait to see what's gonna be their next step. Sometimes, even though I envy them, I think myself „Jesus let them breathe, let them be“.. Maybe they want to live their lives just like me. Maybe sometimes, but just sometimes, they are jealous of people like me (hard to believe but oh well) living average life, waking up, doing their stuff, having fun when they have free time, going to a cinema, going out, studying a little bit in the meantime, and not knowing like anything what will happen to their lives tomorrow? Maybe, maybe, maybe.... Oh well, enough maybes.
I forgot what am I even trying to write. Almost lost the point. The point is that... There's no point. Live everyday of your life like it's the last one and do whatever the hack you want to do with it. It's yours. Nobody's else. If you want to be a gangsta rapper from the hood, then be! If you want to be a lawyer, be one! If you want to be a teacher, be a teacher. If you want to be a go - go dancer, be one! If you want to be a football player, be one! I even had a phase I watched the whole season of Spartacus and I wanted to be a gladiator which is, actually, pretty stupid and childish for a 23 year old woman. Not so long time ago, I have seen The Wire so I wanted to be Omar… Don't judge, he is a good fella. But what I wanted to say... Don't you ever think you ain't capable of this you ain't capable of that. You are! You think that 2Pac knew that his songs are going to be popular even today? You think that Einstein knew how important his work for humanity will be? You think that Connor McGregor knew he would be a champion? He didn't! Nobody of them did. But they had a vision, they had a dream, they had a goal, they had a strength, they had a will. You are a human being just like them and whoever your idol is.
Nobody stops you in your wishes or your goals. Live like you want, not like your parents, friends, not to mention people who you don't know, but even though you look for their approval say! And at the end of it, you know what? You can't blame anyone or anything. If you give your best, or at least, as much as you wanted to give, you will know that you did just how you wanted it to be done. Not your mother, not your father, not your brother, sister, friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, who want the best for you, can fully understand you or decide for you because they are actually too busy trying to handle their own lives. Nobody will ever know how you feel in your own skin. So, make it however you want it to be made. Because, in the end, who asked them for they approval in the first place?
Seems like I am talking fairytales, doesn't it? Maybe. Maybe you ask yourself do I live like I say everybody should live? I'm not sure but I'm trying to do so everyday. But you know, it's hard when you want different things each day. I think I want to be a MMA fighter. Or a ballerina. Or a president. Wait a second I know! I want to be a gangsta rapper! Or nah… Or or or a firefighter, they are like hacking heroes! Meh, I don't know yet.
Sometimes, I think I am a female Peter Pan. Maybe I am, nice to meet you. I will never grow up. And I don't see any problem with it. I will be a child forever. And that is my decision.