Overcoming Social Anxiety, Shyness & Fear in General
We've all experienced it. Social Anxiety. Shyness. Being in a social situation without feeling the courage to fully express ourselves authentically. Horrible. Especially when you begin to realise that the quality of your relationships and the feeling of being loved and connected are things that really contribute to our overal fulfilment in life.
I've struggled really hard with this in the past, and I tried many things to overcome this illusionary fear. That's right, illusionary, because once you gather the inner strength to prove these inner demons wrong, you quickly come to understand that the thing you were always afraid of, in this case simply expressing yourself authentically the way you are, is not something to be afraid of.
But that doesn't help you at this moment, so how do we overcome this fear? Well, the first step is to shine some light on your fears by doing some reflection, contemplation or meditation. There are many ways to do this. For example, you could talk about your fears to a safe person. This requires courage but it's a very efficient way to gain awareness of what you're actually afraid of. Saying your fears out loud to yourself can also help. My favourite way of doing this is by journaling about what scares me. Let me give you some powerful guidelines.
Contemplation, Reflection & Meditation
Let us begin with mentioning that everybody human being has fears, insecurities and doubts. Seeing that all is one, knowing that there a millions and millions of people with the same fear as you, is something that soothes it automatically. For example, when you cross somebody on the street and you watch them in the eyes and you instantly look away, know that chances are high that they are feeling the same exact fear as you do.
The very first step is to be aware of your fear. Admit that they are there and see that they are limiting you from living the life you want to live. Running away from your fears is like running away from a part of yourself. Not a good idea. So what's next?
The second step is really defining what you are afraid of. The more specific you are, the easier it will be to overcome your fear. I'm just going to give you some pointers, but try to not skip this step for yourself as this is important. Some examples relating to social anxiety could be:
- The fear of being misunderstood.
- The fear of not being good enough
- The fear of rejection.
- etc...
The third part is to accept them for what they are. Accepting and embracing our fears is essential. Most of the time they stem from our childhood, so if we don't accept and love that hurt inner child that feels separated, lonely and sad, chances of it becoming worse are big.
One way to deal with the fear you just described, is to create a extremely scary doom scenario in your head. Create a situation in your mind in which the fear is extremely intense. When you do this, and actually zoom out on the situation, and ask yourself: 'Is this situation realistic? Does it match real life? By doing so, you'll really quickly realise that this situation you created in your mind is very unlikely to match reality, and that your fear is unrealistic, imaginary and very unlike to manifest itself in real life.
Another way is to ask the question 'What if?'. What if I get rejected? One answer could be: 'Well, then I'll know that that person is not somebody I want know, because we don't resonate on the same level.' What if I get misunderstood?' Well, they'll just keep saying that they don't understand me, and that would be the end of it. You see, that what you're really afraid of is actually nothing scary.
So once we shed some light on our fears, we also have to gather our focus, will and courage to take some action steps outside of the comfort zone.
Action Steps
- Consciously Facing Fear
The problem is that fears limit our behaviour. They lead to inauthenticity. They keep us stuck in an invisible box and prevent us from exposing the infinite, peaceful, radiating and childlike self that we all really are. Consciously facing your fears is the only way out. The trick is to take gradual steps outside of the comfort zone. If your steps are too small, you won't feel like you've gained any courage or awareness around your fears, but also don't try to give a presentation when you've been living in your basement for the last 3 months, as that would obviously too intense. You'll come to understand that you always win by facing your fears, because by doing so you:
Expand your comfort zone, which leads to courage, awareness and confidence
Have a big chance of having a light, fun an inspiring conversation
Find out more about yourself and the world.
Visualisation
Visualising situations, encounters, scenarios in which you express yourself lightly, confidently, authentically and clearly really helps in becoming more conscious. Actually focusing on the positive polarity, such as confidence, peace of mind, eloquence and clarity help us with magnifying these qualities in ourselves. Our subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between real and vivid imagination, so it will almost be as powerful a successful social interaction.
- Requesting/Prayer
Requesting help from your spirit guides is the most powerful and simple thing you can do in my opinion. They are always there to help you, all you have to do is ask. Ask them from strength, courage, confidence, peace of mind and you shall receive it. If you don't believe in prayer, requesting or the metaphysical and spiritual realms, that's fine, doing the visualisation will also help you as it's basically the same internal state of consciousness in essence. The same expression. The same feeling. But it's important of focusing on what you actually want in stead of dwelling on the negative. What you focus on expands internally, and your reality is an exact mirror of your thoughts, so try to focus on things such as peace of mind, courage and confidence in stead of enhancing stress, fear and shyness.
- Grounding in the Present Moment
Doing things that you love and ground you in the present moment are crucial when dealing with social anxiety. Meditation. Biking. Jogging in in nature. Drawing. Dancing. Deep conversations with a friend or family member. Writing. Reading. Journalling. Deep breathing. Painting. Gardening. Yoga. Playing an instrument. Just some examples, you know best what you actually love. Besides, being good at something and creating things boost your confidence automatically, so a double win.
This step was the thing that helped me the most.
- Focus on Your Presence
Try to focus on your presence when feeling tense. Focus on the sensation of your breath, the feeling of your body and the space around you. This will get you out of your head and bring you to the present moment.
Conclusion
Not having the courage to express yourself is a horrible thing, since loving relationships and a feeling of being connected, loved and appreciated are things we all crave. So chin up, relax and know that there is nothing on the other side of fear.