Fight for existence. Get past being a drone voiceless. Bone up on how I feel life to the bone. Hypersensitivity to hyperbole is my gift. Stuck working with money woes in decades, yet I still gear up to fight against decadence. The t.v. and economy try to dunce cap me yet everyone is scared stupid. Most people just work, then play videogames or watch t.v. Not me! I have higher aspirations but still feel frustrated stuck.
I never liked working like this, I never liked living like this. Hand to mouth, always 2 weeks away from being homeless, yet I am still here! Want to branch out and need help, none, people are gone into drug and drunk lala land. I can't go there to die or to live. I want a different outlook. To thrive in community. Not just do a job, go numb and get entertained. No one is happy with that, yet they hang out and go on vacations. I never go on vacations.
How to get out of the routine of living like a drone. Still need to eat, so have to work at what I don't want to do. Many times grit my teeth, freak out and scream, but still have to do a job I don't really like. Even though I would rather spend time on healing and creativity, you have to work just to barely survive. Even if bare survival isn't really living and it's not fun. How to get out of it!? How to get more resources. How to find help. How to find connection. Even the last years after rejecting friends the lonelyness stings and gets worse. My hands flare up from the trauma. The ears start ringing and I wake up screaming!
All the drug drunk people having kids. Are they raising their kids on suicide? Making the kiddies set up their drinking games for them! They should get their kids taken away. I got taken away! By the government. I don't want children. I think it's wrong to bring them to church and school. Those frightful brainwashing institutions. The parents drink and make their kids watch cartoons, they are not really talked to but more treated like a pet. The child is just a meat dolly for mommy.