So yea! I went for it!! I tried to withdraw the litecoin! Drove 2 hours each direction in winter weather! The fam came with to keep me company. I had seen the value of bitcoin and litecoin going down in the last few days so I thought I'd better try to get some of that out just to help me live a little easier for a while. I know it doesn't always work out.
The bitcoin atm was there! The mall was still open for a few hours. I went to the machine and it asked me for my number, email, name etc. Hmm, come to think of it I didn't think I registered before so I registered this time. Didn't remember it asking me that before. Well I put in the code, sold a bunch of litecoin to the machine, it gave me a receipt with a redeem code, says wait 1 confirmation.
I figured litecoin is fast, that is why this specific atm. All the other bitcoin atms just use bitcoin and only give you a few hundred. This machine gives you allot more and I used it before for bitcoin when the wait time wasn't as long for a confirmation. So I tried to redeem after a few confirmations. It says error payment not received come back later. 6 confirms, 12, 24. I went back to the atm 10 times in total. Had to eat there, checked after eating, still nothing. So I came back empty handed!
I thought something like that could happen. Ya never know! Sometimes bitcoin atms are no longer at the location you thought. You look all over the maps to find almost all crypto atms are bitcoin buy only. It is a very frustrating process if you know no one into crypto currency except as a hobby. So I emailed the company that runs the bitcoin atm. They are busy so will take 2 business days for them to get back to me. I can't afford a half a day trip to go back there just to check and see if I can withdraw. Will have to wait.
So yea was feeling pretty anxious and stressed out. Just going on a trip like that takes much energy and the $100 on gas and food is allot to me! It helped me look at how stressed I really am! So that is good in a way. I feel trapped and distracted. I'm desperate to just find a room to be alone in. I'm shaving in the dark! Almost. No bathroom sink. Lighting is not ideal. Yet, ya I know could be allot worse. Still have craved a room to be alone in for about 10 years, just as long as I've wanted a bathroom sink. But yea, my fam member has a friend with empty bedrooms in it. I can see if I could go there to be alone just for even an hour a week. That's how overwhelmed I feel, I find it hard to focus. My hands have blisters from psoriasis, my fam members got skin cancer the other year, we are having breathing problems from our construction work. I was always harsh anxiety at times wanting a break, not a break no! I mean a space and time to just sit and think.
It ain't that bad. It's better than ever! Just a lesson in reminders of how I've felt in the past and some in present. Finding what my aspirations are. What would I do in this room. Maybe nothing. Maybe I don't need a room. I'm okay with that too. It doesn't matter I didn't get anything from the atm. A momentary inconvenience. I like to see how stressed I really am, in a safe environment. The fam was with me too, they are a safe learning environment. At least I have them.
I'm able to see my pattern. Staying up late, yea, that can be alright. It's what I did after being busy working, I would give myself time by staying up late. I think that can change now. Need to keep the patience for it. I can get my thinking done in the morning and day and evening. Still have late nights on weekends. May help to lessen the stress if I switch the routine habits. So no matter what I have variables. So I can change up the stuck feelings as much as possible.