Have you ever noticed someone doing something that you felt you didn't like?
Did it bother you? 😫
Did it bother you because of your relationship to that person?
Would it bother you as much if you didn't know them, if they were just a random stranger on the street? 🤷♀️
See, a lot of us get really attached to what our significant other, our parents, our children, or our friends do.
Maybe it's because we see them as a reflection of ourselves, maybe it's because we want what's best for them... Whatever the maybe, MAY BE, it's really not serving them or yourself to dwell on what YOU don't like about THEM!
Let me give you an example for context:
Your husband leaves his clothes on the ground in your (shared) room and that bothers you because you LIKE to have a tidy space. You see clothes on the floor as going against having a tidy space and so there's contention in your mind. On his end, he couldn't care less about having a tidy space so he continues on with his way of throwing his clothes onto the floor.
You assert yourself and might say something like "I DON'T LIKE YOUR CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR!"
Where do you think this is heading? It's spiraling into an argument because you're pushing your needs onto another person.
This is a hard pill to swallow, believe you me, I know it!
I think I know a lot of "right" ways in life because of how I was raised and the AGREEMENTS I accepted an my own reality. They are so RIGHTto me, I think they're right to others!
The thing of it is, each and every one of us has their own unique interaction with this world and not everyone's opinions, wants or needs are the same so it's not going to get anyone very far trying to push their life view onto someone else. That's called conflict!
If every time you see his clothes on the ground (again, something that's perfectly fine in his world) you allow yourself to get angry and spiral that annoyance onto him, you are 1) associating him with resentment in your mind and 2) bringing your drama into his life!
People don't typically change habits because we nag them to and if they do, it's often out of coercion and fear or attempt of avoiding conflict which isn't a way we want change to occur.
So, can we get what we want and need without forcing our opinions on to another person? ABSOLUTELY!
This is a little bit crazy so hold onto your hat--
if I (MYSELF) don't like clothes on the floor, I CAN PICK THEM UP!(HOLY LIFTON! I know...mind-blowing!)
Why? Because it's MY problem! The problem is coming from inside of ME!
It's not hurting him! He doesn't care but I do so YES I can ask him kindly to try not to leave his clothes on the floor because of XYZ, but honestly, the problem is within myself and it's up to me to take ownership and responsibility for that.
When we take responsibility for our own thoughts, beliefs and opinions, our whole world view changes!
Instead of holding onto resentment which is a spiral of negativity, I can simply react out of love and that's guaranteed to give me more positive results both personally and within the relationship!
When I realized in my heart that things that bothered me were almost 100% of the time, not an attack on my personal life and that my life was not going to end because of it, I realized I had the choice whether to get upset about it or to change my perception.
Give it a try, don't sweat the small things!
💜💜💜💜
Love,
Cece 😘
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