Posted with permission from the writer..!!!!!
Something happened in October that shook my entire being.
We have this guy that has been barbing my son's hair for over a year now. He does home service for us. But this particular weekend, he could not come. He said he was extra busy and if the barbing was that expedient, I should bring Simon to his shop. I didn't have any other alternative, so we went. He was busy when I got there, two more people were on queue as well, so I had to drop my son with his aunt there.
When I got back there to pick them up, I could not recognise my son. He had given him a new look. He barbed off the whole hair. The whole effing hair. I was stunned, no angry...No I was mad. Is mad even the right word? I was on the loose. Both vocally and facially. This is the same guy that has been barbing my boy for years. How could he have forgotten his trademark cut. The punk style (I'm not sure I know what the name is though). But that style that they'll leave a lil bit in front with a parting slant in between. I was enraged. I told him he was stupid and blind. I called him idiot. He told me he has forgotten his hairdo or so. I didn't even bother to listen to his explanation. I threw the money on the floor and left.
All through my drive home, I was still bitter at him. I kept cussing him beneath my breadth. Simon, obviously unaware of the whole situation was playing and having so much fun. He couldn't care less. When I got home, my spirit was troubled. I knew I had over-reacted. Is it not hair? Ordinary hair that will grow back within days. So I'm gonna trade this relationship bcos of hair? I told myself I just have to call him. I have to apologize.
And so I did. He was surprised. He pleaded with me on the phone. That his mind was elsewhere. And I shouldn't be angry. I was still fuming but I just had to accept the apology. Even if I rain fire and brimstone, the hair wouldn't glue itself back. He promised coming to my house the next day, Sunday to shapen the front. I didn't allow him do all that at his shop cos madness wouldn't let me be. I told him I was deeply sorry too. For letting out too much unecessary steam. For the abusive words. We ended the convo with laughter and my spirit became lighter.
Sunday came and we waited for him at the time he was supposed to come. I called his number and it kept ringing. Hours passed and it was still the same. I was already thinking, 'this people have come again'. After a while, I decided to take my son to his shop. If Mohammed cannot go to mountain, at least let mountain go to Mohammed. We got there and it was locked. 'No wahala' I thought. His house is just a stone throw to his shop. We arrived the house and we saw people wailing. 'What could have happened', I wondered to myself as I alighted from my car.
On getting there, I got one of the most shocking news of my life. This guy has passed away. This same guy gangan. Our barber. The one I saw yesterday. The one that was seemingly hale and hearty. I was told he died on his way to the theatre. He had been battling kidney problems. He has been managing his health. He told no one except his siblings. It became severe on Saturday evening and he had to be rushed to the hospital. My tears became uncontrollable. I felt so much pity for his aged mum. I was mad at myself. So he was sick, that yesterday. He has been sick...Ohmaigod! Even though I had mended my wrong, I was still frigging mad at myself. I cried and cried. A young nice guy, cut at his prime.
I got a lot of lessons from this experience.
●Be slow to anger, even when you have every reasons to
●Give people the opportunity to express themselves, even if you are convinced they'll talk trash. There might just be a lil sense in their explanations.
●React less when you are hurting. You never can tell the deep shit the other party is going through.
●Be empathetic. Be sympathetic
●Learn to let go of things that cannot be changed
●Say sorry even though you are at the receiving end. It doesn't make you less of what you are. It only shows you value the relationship more than your ego.
●Forgive that person even though you are deeply hurt.
●Forgive again.
●Las las, forgive.
Make that call today, apologize, say you are sorry, let go. I know you are still grieving about the hurt, the betrayals. If the altercation is beyond saying sorry, just let go of it in your heart.
DECLOGG YOUR HEART OF UNECESSARY TOXIC FEELINGS!