If you've followed me for years, I am so sorry for all the words you've read, and even more sorry for the words that you may ignore. For a long time, an insurmountable task has confounded me. The only reason I am typing this is because Gyromancer crashed, and that was enough for me to call the game "done", because I tell you - it had me in its juvenile grasp, ready to snap my neck.
Gyromancer is crack. I've never done drugs, but I imagine that this is what they're like. It's a match 3 game in the style of Puzzle Quest and Candy Crush and others, except instead of swiping to match three or more things of the same colour or style, you rotate them clockwise.
Depending on the monster you choose, this powers up abilities, and then off you go, killing other monsters. The monsters don't have personalities, and the resolution, tactical depth, plot, and visuals of the game aren't anything to write home about, but there is something endlessly (until the game crashes) satisfying about organising imaginary mystical rocks and orbs into order and watching number go up, and number go down in concert with one another.
Number go up? Experience. Number go down? Amount of life left to live in the ontological construct our conciousness paints as reality. Also, the number of hit points enemy monster has until you engage once more in the gameplay loop, which has the potential to wipe productivity from the face of the Earth.
It is guilty pleasure gaming on offer here. Nothing special, just an addictive formula without micro-transactions, an easy difficulty curve, addictive game play, passable music, and a few tried and tested ideas all slapped together into one neat package. I am glad it doesn't work on the Steam deck. I'd never sleep again at night.
I played the game for about 8? hours and I could see myself playing it for many more to kill the time. Only, I do very much believe that I have much better things to do with my time, like, struggle with the stressful notion that I have approximately another 400 games in my Steam library to experience.
This experience may not be a memorable one, but it is one that will not merely go into the "Done With" pile, but instead go into a lofty pedestal of "best", which is a list of games that I would very much like to revisit again - if it doesn't crash. It will remain installed on my desktop for the time being, its icon tempting me away from other tasks.
Don't expect challenging puzzles and mind-bending revelations or story. Just expect a game that is a game, and does well at being a game. For the price it is on Steam, I feel like this is worth while use of funds in order to maximise your escape from the increasingly hellish capitalistic landscape that continues to rapidly rise (and simultaneously crumble) around us all.
That said, there's probably better options, but are there better options at this price?