And not everyone has to like you. Really, they're two sides of the same coin, you can't have one without the other, so why is it so hard to understand that sometimes? Alright see, the thing is this all started with a book, as so much does these days.
I'm reading 'When we were orphans' by Kazuo Ishiguro (I'm a big fan) and while I am liking the writing very much as well as the story, something is just off. I'd love to get really dragged into the story, but something is keeping me and I didn't understand, until now. Well, I realized what's bothering me is the main character (and narrator) who is profoundly unlikable, at least to me. Seriously, the way he talks is just really annoying and it gets tiring after a while. And there's nothing in him to make me commiserate or root for him. And obviously, as a reader, that's quite irritating.
But then, I thought about it and figured maybe I don't have to like every character. It's a big part of the story, sure, but I have to be honest with myself. I sometimes write deeply unlikable characters too. Well, I like them, because I made them, I have to at least “get them”, be on their side somehow. But the reader doesn't. I've been told sometimes that the character in X story was completely obnoxious or really annoying. It happens.
You know why?
Because stories are about people and yes, you've guessed it, not everyone is likable. Have you noticed that? I'm sure you have.
Some people are just off. Like cheese or something. You meet someone and you'd really want to like them, maybe because you have to due to the social setting you're in or simply because they haven't done anything really wrong, so you feel bad for not liking them. But you can't. Some people are just annoying. To you alone or perhaps to everyone. It's an idea that gets pushed a lot, particularly in today's culture – you have to like everybody.
No.
What you have to do is be civil to everybody. There's a big difference. You know, don't spit on them, don't curse at them, don't hit them, but that's basically it. Help if you can. But if someone's an asshole or even if they just give off a bad vibe, it's perfectly okay to distance yourself. To not like them, because you don't have to.
Someone out there is trying to make our world really very beige, a place where everyone is the same and thinks the same and everyone loves everyone. But you can't love everyone, it's impossible. That's what friendship is based on, after all, liking someone. I can be friendly with everyone (unless they're assholes, again) but that doesn't mean I'm friends with everyone. And this is an idea that's getting pushed into a corner in today's PC agenda, where you have to desire, love, appreciate everyone. You feel bad if you say you don't like someone. Hell, you feel weird even thinking it.
But that's the way things work. It's normal, you're not supposed to like them all.
Besides, if you “like” everyone, you're just helping build this beige universe. Don't do that. Don't build the beige universe.
Another problem I have with this liking everyone is that it affects the way you view yourself in the world. If you like everyone, it's only natural that you be paid in kind. And so, you expect to be liked by everyone. You can't have a universe where I like you but you don't like me, at least not in your head. In reality, that is very much how it works. I know, it sucks and you're probably a great person. But that's tough luck, man. 'Cause I don't like you. Plain and simple. Maybe it's my loss, maybe you're really an asshole. I don't care.
And you shouldn't either. Stop expecting everyone to like you because then, you only take it harder when someone does not in fact like you (shocking, but it happens).
You are you and that's all there is to it. You have ideas and preferences. That goes for people, too. That's what makes you you, after all. If we all thought the same and liked the same things, it wouldn't be much fun, would it?
So maybe I don't like you, but you know what?
You don't need me to like you. The only thing that matters is if you like you.