Imagine this. You're a boxer but you're not in the ring right now. So you ask, "what's the point of practicing my footing, my strikes, my speed or stamina if I'm nowhere near a match today?"
You understand. Skills take time and energy to cultivate. Practice outside the ring puts you in mental and physical shape for the main event. Yet you aren't in front of another boxer, so. "What value is there in training now'" you wonder?
Next imagine, your big day comes. You're in the ring, with another boxer who's ready to go at it with you. Toe to toe, blow for blow.
It's the match you've waited for, dreamed about, and you haven't trained one bit. What might be the outcomes of this match?
- If the other boxer is as untrained as you, it's anyone's match. Good luck!
- If the other boxer is more prepared than you are, you may feel unprepared and get so beat bad you think twice before stepping back in the ring
- If you're somehow in better shape than the other boxer, a joyous outcome is all but assured - unless you blow it.
This is a Thought Experiment - a frolic of imagination that allows you to experience inner wisdom without having to put on actual boxing gloves, in this case.
Thought Experiments aren't always about boxing, but they are designed to bring you new realizations and awareness.
Hopefully you see the disastrous results a professional boxer faces doing zero work before entering the ring with an opponent. No one would expect a champion-level battle. In fact, the match is likely to end quickly and painfully.
Yet this disaster prone approach is used by many singles in love, sex and romance. As a LSR Trainer, the biggest feedback I get from singles are something along the lines of
"I'm alone so there's no point in me gaining those skills."
In other words, why practice being in a relationship before you're actually in a relationship? Valid question!
Here's the answer: love, sex and relationship are phenomenally better experiences when you are prepared to have them.
The truth is, "what's the point?" offers a unique answer for everyone. Relationship goals and desires are personal, but there is an opportunity cost in delaying your preparation.
Like the boxer who waits to be in the ring before putting their skill in action, many singles believe they should wait to be in a relationship before they put effort into creating healthy, thriving connection.
This mindset is one of the secret reasons relationships of all kind fail so commonly. Many people aren't prepared to have personable, effective, human-to-human connection because they don't learn or practice to.
It's not like schools and Universities teach you how to learn and grow in relationships. Practice being with people is usually an unwitting series of trial and error called life. Playing it safe is often recommended. People are crazy.
Nevertheless, your big day always comes. Usually in the form of someone to love. One or more persons ready to go at it with you, round for round of loving interaction.
Perhaps it's the match you've been waiting for, spent time dreaming about. When you haven't prepared one bit. What might be the outcomes of the match?
- If the other person is as unprepared as you, it's a clumsy and awkward match that can go good or bad. Good luck! You'll need it to find an equal match.
- If your partner is a more prepared Lover, you could really benefit as long as they're willing to carry your slack. Hopefully you don't feel inadequate along the way.
- If you're a better Lover than your partner, this might offer everything you want. Then again, it could be completely unfulfilling, time and again.
The cost of waiting is missing the opportunity to have the relationship you desire, the moment you are ready to have it.
When you're prepared, you have more power to step into a relationship that nurtures and satisfies your highest desires.
The real costs of being ill-prepared are the pain and discomfort of a mismatched relationship, or worse. Breakups, divorce, heartache, drama, unhealthy avoidance and a host of toxic outcomes.
Relationship trauma is all too real. Sadly, bad experiences are normalized and expected. Just about every human being can point to a moment where someone treated them like crap. It's a social epidemic no one is safe from.
You benefit from LSR training just as much as Boxers benefit from working out before the fight. You're getting ready to win. Lovingly, a relationship match doesn't have an opponent. Instead you get a partner. Someone ready to meet you toe to toe, and create love with every blow.
In the healthiest relationships, someone is counting on you to come prepared and ready to deliver the best love, sex and relationship you have.
Being a champ at these things requires specific attention to your actions and plenty of practice with skills like authenticity, communication and pleasure.
Living life as a champion lover ensures you're not caught in the epidemic of treating someone with less love than they deserve, including yourself. Even people with great intentions can lack the skill and experience to deliver better results.
The value of thought experiments like 'the untrained boxer' is discovery of new awareness and perspective. These allow you to make new choices in your life.
Whether you're single or involved, your love life is already in progress. You're going to have a shot at romantic relationships at some point. You'll also have connections with family, friends and colleagues.
What if you could live as a champion in every single one of the relationships that mean the most to you? What can you do to be ready?
If you're already dating and relating, consider how well you're matched with your partners. If you're single, consider how ready you are to create winning results.
Champion Lovers create relationships win-win relationships. You win, they win. There are no losers in healthy relationships. The sooner you decide to be a champion, the better.
Your move.
Photo by Diao Darius