This is the thing I’m most committed to doing these days, that I invite you to experiment with too. It is my answer to the EcoTrain question of the week:
“Name one small change you have made or could make to your life that would be of great benefit to the world if everyone did the same.”
Consensus reality is a crucial aspect of our being able to live together in communities. A baby’s nervous system and mind hasn’t yet learned to interpret physical and energetic stimuli the way others do. They live in their own little world. Part of socialization is training them to interpret the same color when they see a certain frequency of light waves. To say “blue” when others say “blue” instead of thinking they see yellow.
In so many ways they are taught to interpret reality the way those around them do, especially their parents. This relates to politics, society, money, self-concept, religion, all sorts of things.
Our teachers tell us we must get the answer right to pass the test. If we don’t pass tests, we are put on track to never have a good job, which means to never have enough money, which means to have more worry and less security and standing in society. Very serious stuff, this giving the teacher the answer she/he wants.
Stopping the Playing Along
This is important for a child to learn. A child has too little knowledge or personal agency in the world to be too much of a renegade. He/she needs adults to help them too much to reject all this indoctrination coming every minute of the day. But there comes a time to set aside childish things and this is where most people fall short.
I call it “going along to get along.” The teen wants to fit in with his peer group, so does and says things that undermine his future well-being, and may even endanger his life.
The young adult goes to law school, not because she wants to be a lawyer, but simply because she doesn’t know what else to do that will put in her in the category “respected professional.”
The other young woman wears makeup and high heels every where she goes, even though it makes her skin break out and hurts her back, feet, and knees. She wants to be seen as a certain sort of desirable romantic partner by males or as worthy competition by other females.
The voter with a certain party votes along party lines, even when the candidate stands for nothing they stand for and against the things they actually value most, rather than switching parties and denouncing an inferior candidate in their own party. They may even support an outright traitor, defending him to those who speak the ugly truth about him.
What’s expected changes by the social group we run with, but ultimately we are told in direct and indirect ways what is expected of us, what we’re supposed to see, perceive, interpret and believe. Our “reality” is supposed to fit the consensus for our group.
But what if we decided to stop going along to get along? What if we decided to live our truth in each moment, and without separating from our normal social groups? What if we loved and trusted our community enough to stay connected with it even as we grow and change?
I’ve often said that the only problem we humans really have in this world is the lie. No one would ever commit any crime or immoral act if they had to tell the truth about it afterward. Tact of course is good. Let’s keep tact. But apart from that, lying is the root of all “evil.”
Well shaping our interpretation of reality to fit that of those around us is a form of lying. It’s actually the most insidious kind, because in it we lie even to ourselves.
The Commitment
So here is my commitment to myself that I’ve been practicing for some months now, that I encourage you to take out for a spin:
Refuse to go along to get along
Start acting like you know what you know, even if the people around you are acting like they don’t know it. Heck, maybe they don’t know. Maybe you’re the one who has gained (even been Divinely bestowed) the knowledge that was meant to benefit your entire group. But you have to have the courage to speak that truth even when it is unpopular. Stay in love. Stay in compassion. And stay in Truth, as best you can.
As I’ve been doing this, I’ve had a lot more hard conversations. Voices have been been raised on one occasion. But the level of real ness within my connections with others has also deepened. The payoff has been rich for all involved
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We adults don’t actually need life to be easy. We can take a little conflict, so long as the commitment to love, compassion, understanding and honesty is present.
What would you have to do or say differently if you were to in each and every minute, without exceptions for context or who is present, act as if you know what you know about physics?
Wouldn’t you need to acknowledge that A/C current is in fact something to avoid as much as possible, because it interferes with the human electromagnetic field’s normal, healthy rhythms? (That’s why you feel so much peace when you get out in nature away from wired buildings.)
What if you adhered to such unwavering honesty with yourself and others about romantic relationships? What might change there?
How about work?
Money?
Politics?
Family?
Food?
Look at each of the areas of your life and really consider what you’ve been pretending is different than you know it to be. Then ask yourself what might happen if you stopped pretending anything for anyone. Except tact. Tact is good, so let’s keep that.
This is a random photo I took of my last flower arrangement from my garden before leaving the house I sold in CA recently. Just because it’s pretty and I don’t have an easy time doing much on this darned iPad.