I hope that within the words of my story you'll find something that inspires and uplifts you, no matter what hardships, uncertainty or doubts you may face.
Then may you step into the greatest dream you've ever dared to dream for yourself with full confidence that if the thought of it opens & uplifts your heart, it is meant to be yours. It's just a question of following the path to it, and hopefully doing so while enjoying the path itself.
(Magic and Me)
A Little Background
I had a hard start to life, but I can honestly say that I am now a truly happy person. So dramatic has the transformation been from my early life to today, that about 15 years ago when a doctor told me I was on the verge of dying (which obviously turned out to be untrue) I decided that I couldn't leave this world without leaving a trail behind. I simply had to write up the story of how I transformed my life from that of a suicidal 9 year old to that of a happy 30-something who was even able to help others find meaning and fulfillment in their lives.
That wound up being my first book Being Bliss and I'll share more on that journey below. But first I want to tell you more about who I am now, since really that's always where the power is, in the present moment.
Currently
These days I spend most of my time working with people who come from families that have experienced generation after generation of hardship. There are lots of reasons for this, but whatever the reason, it's hard to break out of the patterns we are raised within. We internalize what we need to survive those situations, but those adaptations may be the very thing holding us back later.
One of the key things I did in turning my own life around was getting a Masters in Counseling Psychology, and I draw upon that in much of my current work. I'm also a spiritual channel and a business consultant. I know, very different.
The spiritual and psychological work came first. From '97 to '07 I worked as a counselor, both for the state of Hawaii and also in private practice for the more spiritual counseling.
Then in '07 I moved to California, where I needed special licensing to continue doing the work I was doing. I wound up taking temp work while I sorted out my next career move, and that led to my being hired by a business consulting firm and trained for that new field.
I've been doing some version of that work ever since, though for the last few years I've been able to combine my spiritual work with the business consulting. I actually channel for clients as part of working with them on their business, and have had some truly miraculous results from doing so.
I've done a lot of service projects over the years. I was a major organizational component of the building of a land trust community for 26 Hawaiian families some years back, and that's probably one of the things I'm most proud of. I've also taught meditation to incarcerated teenagers, led workshops teaching teens how to start businesses, and generally participated in my community however Spirit moves me to.
I love living right on a Regional Park, but the delight of my life is definitely my dog Magic. If you've ever had a dog, I'm sure you realize that they are truly a gift to all humanity. Magic is particularly friendly and playful. People always think she's a puppy, partly due to her size but also because even at about 8 years of age she's still got puppy energy.
Me and Steemit
I first came to Steemit through watching @Jerrybanfield on YouTube. I'd heard mention of the platform before, but it was always in a negative light. Everyone made it seem like being such a spiritually focused person, I would never find a home amidst the many techies and political folks here. Jerry's content made it clear that there was indeed a supportive spiritual community on here, so I decided to take a chance and sign myself up and start sharing a bit of myself with you all.
A Bit More on Where I'm Coming From - My Story
(adapted from the intro to my first book)
Fear and hopelessness ruled my life for decades, but they don't have a grip on me anymore. For years now I have embraced a different way of living that has blessed me with the most important kind of freedom there is, the freedom to grow on a path of joy instead of one of suffering.
I am a happy person. I am a truly joyful person. And that is not because these years have been easy. In this time period I have suffered much pain and loss.
During these years I have seen someone I loved slowly die. During these years, I have found myself in New York City to experience the destruction of the towers, witness the needless deaths of all those people, and watch the militarization of the city for a year thereafter. During these years, more than once I have received news that has shocked me to my core and sent my mind spinning in search of alternative truths. Yet through it all I have remained a truly blissful person.
To be bliss doesn't mean to be untouched. It's not a state of detachment. On the contrary, you feel more. You don't hide from any of what you experience so you feel all of what has always been there. This means you find the horror of life along with the beauty. It means you are fully alive now while you have a chance to be.
Now, if you had asked me about the average person's chances for happiness 20 years ago I would have offered a tentative answer. My answer would have come from hope, not knowledge. I believed from the words of others that happiness was possible, but I had never known it personally.
Throughout my childhood I suffered from anxiety and clinical depression. I attempted suicide the first time at only nine years of age. The last attempt was at the age of 21. What prevented further attempts after that was not so much that I had a reason to live as that because I was hospitalized on the last attempt my younger sister found out about my suicidal behavior. I was so concerned that she might learn from me to give up on life that I realized I could never kill myself so long as she lived.
What would become of her if her sister, who had for so many years spoken so passionately about her worth and possibility, was to give up on the worth and possibility of her own life? Like it or not, I had to stay in this body until chance provided me with a good enough exit to preserve her sense of hope.
In the meantime, I figured I'd best try some new approaches in pursuit of happiness. After many false paths, I finally came to volunteer at Glide Memorial Church in San Francisco. I was motivated by a recollection that when I was a teenage volunteer I had experienced some minor degrees of enjoyment within the course of service work. It was worth the time to explore that avenue again.
The first volunteer position I took at Glide was working with the children in the computer lab. I went a few weeks and it was wonderful to be with them, surrounded at last by innocence. I thought I was giving them enough love and that it was all going quite smoothly. Then one day a little Vietnamese boy asked me how I had liked the church service the day before. I told him that I hadn't been there. He asked why I missed it. I told him that I didn't go to church, but only wanted to volunteer to help him and the other children. He was clearly puzzled.
I realized then that the Sunday services meant so much to the children I was helping that I could not call myself committed to them without going to at least one service so that I knew what experience they were having there. So the next Sunday I got myself up much earlier than a Sunday morning generally meant to me and off to church I went.
To my surprise, I felt comfortable there. I went in jeans and as I looked around I saw many young people, many people in casual attire, and people of various races. Everyone was pretty friendly and welcoming and it was easy to see myself getting in and out without any unpleasant experiences, which was rare for me, each scene of my life have pretty much been fraught with pain up to that point.
Then a visiting artist stepped up to sing. Her name was Denise Austin. I recalled the name from childhood and knew I was in for a treat. I had picked the right Sunday to drop in for a look at Glide's service, for sure.
As she sang, the excitement of star power quickly gave way to the awe of hearing the voice of God speaking to me. She sang, "Come on home. It is time to come home to God." Such simple words, but they reached into the very core of me. It literally felt as if it was God singing directly to me, asking me to please come back to Him, to please make peace with Him.
By this time in my life, after 27 years of depressive agony in all social situations, I had nearly perfected the ability to hide my emotions from those around me, but all my discipline broke down in that moment. Tears rolled uncontrollably down my face as I felt something opening within me. As it opened, in rushed a current of light that seemed to cleanse the corners of my heart. I was enveloped in a field of warmth, tenderness and safety as if for the first time.
At home later that day, I remembered that I had once had a very close relationship with God. Up until the age of 9 I had spent hours talking to God each day. When the other children were out playing, I stayed in my room to be with God instead. Already suffering from undiagnosed depression, I felt overwhelmed by the world of free play. Only at school was there enough order supplied by the teacher for me to have enough safety to come out of my shell. And in that arena I was a star. But outside the confines of the class, I was thoroughly incompetent in understanding life or knowing how to respond in pretty much any situation. Afternoons with God and long, deep sleep cycles each night were how I survived until I was old enough to direct my own studies.
Once I discovered that I could lose myself in an endless series of library books, I was off God. I don't know why I made that choice, but somehow I seemed to have forgotten my personal relationship with him and come to think of him only in terms of the judgmental "jealous" god my parents were trying to teach me about. I didn't like that God. He didn't make me feel safe at all. The world of ideas felt much safer. Like many before me, I became a somber, withdrawn, bookworm at war with the very notion of God. By age 19 I had come home from college announcing myself as an agnostic.
Though the years before that had been very difficult, in retrospect I realize that was the beginning of the truly dark times. Only after I made peace with the personal God and began the process of healing did I realize the cost the war had extracted from me. I had made a God out of the intellect and looked to the intellectual as if following in the footsteps of Christ himself. And a cruel and vicious heaven it was indeed.
Once I made my peace and began again on the path of seeking the truth of life and the keys to happiness not through the intellect, but through the heart, I threw off my false gods. It was at that time that I began on the path that ultimately brought me to a point where I could not just be happy myself, but help others find their happiness too. This path has led me through many different spiritual faiths, but what I find calling to me in each is the commitment to living as love that extends itself to all, just as the sun shines on everyone.
I began life with a physical condition and family history that magnetized me towards depression. Some might say that only through medication could I ever be healthy or happy. But I stand here now as a truly happy person, happier than most and even able to bring the light of happiness into the lives of those around me.
The turning point for me came when I experienced the unconditional love of the All-Pervading Light moving through another person, the guest singer at Glide. I was then able to find the courage within myself to choose life over safety. As beaten down as I was, I chose to face the possibility of even more pain for the chance at something greater. I regained hope that maybe, just maybe, this was a kind and loving world that I could emotionally face without being destroyed. I then seized the opportunity and applied all my focus, skill and energy towards learning the secrets of the happy people, hoping that if anyone could be happy so could I.
It is out of my love for you that I intend to share with you here on Steemit. I hope my shares reach you wherever you are in your life’s journey and provide you with good company for the road ahead.
(The house I lived in the year I was in Bali, where I finally quieted my mind enough to connect with Spirit as a channel)
Other Random Stuff
Here are some of the places you can find me online:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/IndigoOcean
Website (that seriously needs to be updated): https://indigoocean.org
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/IndigoOceanOrg
I look forward to discovering you just as you've discovered me a bit above.
I'd love for you to share a bit about yourself in the comments below. I promise to respond to all comments on this post, even if it's months after I wrote this that you're seeing this. I really want to "meet" you as much as this form will allow.
Was there anything in my journey that reflects something in yours? Is there anything you're working on that's similar to one of the things I've done that you could use some "been there" tips on? Is there any particular advice you might give me about doing well here on Steemit?
Let's chat.
And please also follow so that you get to see my upcoming posts of Miraculous Stories, healing meditations and assorted other stuff that I think will be helpful to those open to the spiritual aspects of life.