My friend passed away yesterday.
I feel simultaneously angry, lost, hurt, depressed, anxious, and worried.
This combination of feelings is wrapped up in a heavy blanket of numbing nothingness which smothers all these emotions so that they feel buried underneath, where I can't reach them.
I thought I would have more time.
Time to say how much she meant to me.
Time to say goodbye.
There was a timeline.
The doctor gave this timeline, but the cancer had other plans.
What the fuck is cancer?
Does it seem like we have more cancer now than we did like 50 years ago?
What are we doing wrong?
My friend was an Angel.
A beautiful soul that helped so many people.
She was an active member of community outreach programs to help those in poverty and also spent so much time helping animals in need as well.
She spent her life helping innocent children and animals and in turn, she gets devoured by a cancer that kills her.
What is the reasoning here?
Don't tell me that God has a plan.
What the fuck kind of plan is that?
I'm sinking in isolation and anger.
I want to crawl up into a fetal position and sleep forever.
My friend was a beautiful singer.
I dedicate this song about the bargaining stage of grief to her.
I love you M.
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