What exactly is happiness? This is a question surely each and every one of us has wondered about from time to time. Of course, there are probably as many answers to this question as there are people on this planet. Different individuals have different scales and benchmarks on which to measure happiness and conclude whether they really are happy or not. Be that as it may, there are certain theories and concepts regarding happiness that might well be universally applicable.
Before discussing happiness and, more importantly, what constitutes true happiness, I would like to mention a famous quote by Don Marquis about happiness being an interval between the stages of unhappiness. To many of us, this will seem like an accurate description of life. After all, we all strive for happiness and make it pretty much our life’s aim. But the simple fact is that happiness is not a constant trait but something flexible that has its requirements altered from time to time. Yes, being happy feels so good and it is great for your health, well-being, your performance at work and elsewhere, and even when it comes to your relationships. When you are happy, you are able to lead a more fulfilling and satisfying life. You can make a deep connection with your fellow beings and with nature while your performance levels, be it at work or play, go up manifold as compared to when you are not feeling particularly happy.
Dr. Martin Seligman, one of the pioneers of positive psychology, has defined happiness as
frequently experiencing positive emotions such as excitement, joy, and contentment coupled with feelings of deep meaning and purpose. It entails maintaining a positive outlook on the present and being optimistic about what the future may hold.
However, being happy also means that you allow yourself to be unhappy from time to time. Let me explain this in a bit more detail.When you feel happy about something or because of something, it is inevitable that some things and situations will also make you unhappy every now and then. Happiness and unhappiness can be considered as two sides of the same coin. You simply cannot have one without the other. Some even say that if you have never been sad, how would you know what happiness feels like? That would make life pretty dull, drab, and meaningless for the most part.
As far as mental health practitioners and experts on happiness are concerned, the key to happiness and well-being is to have psychological flexibility. This means that you need to be open to new and varied emotional feelings and experiences while having the ability to cope with frequent episodes of distress and anxiety. This will ultimately help us get to a deeper, richer, and more meaningful life. In a nutshell, you must know unhappiness in order to experience real happiness in life. Because if you have never known what unhappiness and distress feel like, then you are unlikely to value moments of happiness in the same way. You are never going to be happy all the time. Life just doesn’t work that way, no matter how much we all wish that was true. It is about responding to those seemingly shocking and disturbing events in a positive way because the way we react to such adversities and traumas often seems to have more influence on our happiness and well-being than the actual thing.
Another thing to note is that being unhappy is often not the problem. Life will inevitably throw many uncomfortable situations at you and you will be unhappy with many things from time to time. The problem is when we try to deny and consequently avoid unhappiness as a natural and normal part of living. When we try to suppress an emotion or don’t allow it to just pass through, this problem only aggravates because that negative emotional state has been strengthened because of our attempts at denial. By trying to avoid and get rid of that negative feeling, we only end up showing it a pathway to come closer and pretty much take over our hearts and minds.
Recent research from mental health experts has even indicated that experiencing adversity and stress can be beneficial for us if we react to it and deal with it in the proper way, one that is laced with rationality and not extreme emotions. Enduring discomfort and tough times enable us to build lots of resilience and take positive action to come out of the tough situation stronger than ever.
All in all, if you want to be truly happy, you must first learn and experience unhappiness. Only then can you fully appreciate the good times in your life and be truly happy. You know what they say, “When life throws lemons at you, make lemonade.” So, just keep a positive mindset and go after what you want with passion and determination.