Assertive people are neither submissive nor servile nor do they use narcissistic or disrespectful arrogance. A fact that characterizes them, no doubt, is their ability to resolve conflicts and disputes. They are skilled profiles to defend their rights, and original to mitigate tensions and solve misunderstandings with the serenity of those who properly control their emotions.
We all know that assertiveness is ultimately the essential ingredient that improves our communication and the quality of our relationships. This statement is clear, but we often lack agility, energy and solvency in this strategy. Whether we want it or not, it's not something innate.
Many of us lack coherence between what they think and what they do. Gradually, we store so much frustration and discomfort that at some point we end up reacting in the worst possible way. Assertiveness is above all an exercise of personal dignity that must act as a gear in any scenario of our lives.
One of them, and perhaps the most important, is that of relational conflict. Whether at the professional level or at the personal level; there is always a moment of the day, of the week or at least during which we are obliged to defend territories, our opinions and even our own identity. Knowing how to manage these moments without falling into servility or verbal aggression is something of priority.
5 keys that assertive people use to resolve their conflicts
Fear of hurting others, of not knowing how to express our anger or disagreement without falling into offense or reproach, fear of not having the necessary resources to get rid of the threads of manipulation ... We could give more examples of the inexhaustible architecture that affects our self-esteem when we manage to be assertive and agile when reacting and defending our rights.
It should be noted that it is not easy to achieve this overnight, but we should remember that these resources are learned, practiced and applied effectively as we understand them. Let's take a look at the strategies used by assertive people to deal with everyday conflicts.
1. Assertive people have reason to be
We could call it dignity, self-esteem or self-esteem. We must all know what is indispensable, what we must protect against all odds, what defines us, what is our raison d'être and that no one should attack.
We all have values that no one should trample on. We all have a story, a personal fabric that no one can attack or ridicule. We have the right to have opinions, passions, to defend ideas, to be free, to act in accordance with our identity without hurting anyone ... Each of these dimensions represents our motivations, our reasons for be.
2. Speak in the first person without fear
Often, we fear to pronounce this personal pronoun which retains our essence, our reason for being and our will: "I think, I believe, I affirm, I need ..."
When assertives resolve conflicts, they are not afraid to use this pronoun, do not hide it, and leave it alone. For this, and as an example, they do not hesitate to begin their sentences in the following way: "I am hurt, and although I understand your position, you must understand that your attitude offends me because you do not respect my rights because I think that things can be arranged between you and me by speaking with more sincerity and respect ... ".
3. They do not go through four ways, they describe the offensive behavior or the central problem
When resolving disagreements or managing conflicts or misunderstandings, the last thing to do is to scatter ourselves by accusing, using reproaches or by presenting only our uneasiness.
We must be as direct, concise and constructive as assertive people are. For this we must focus on the crux of the problem: "I feel disappointed because you did not consider my opinion. I think that if we are a team, it is necessary to express things. "
4. Assertive people make clear and direct demands
Effective communication, the one that resorts to assertiveness, knows that to resolve conflicts it is necessary to make demands, those that are conducive to good resolution and guide us to the agreement.
So, something we must keep in mind about assertiveness is that it is not enough to express the way we feel. It is also necessary to direct our dialogue or discussion towards a constructive end. For example :
"I do not like people screaming at me, I feel bad. Next time, use a less aggressive tone, a normal voice with which to communicate more things. "
"I feel disappointed because you did not tell me about your idea. I ask you for the next time not to forget me so that we can all together achieve the best projects. "
5. Sometimes agree not to reach an agreement
Assertive people know and understand that when it comes to conflict or misunderstanding, it is not always possible to reach an end or an agreement between the two parties. Often, disputes remain, separating two positions, two attitudes, two behaviors.
We must not despair of such a situation, nor be angry. The good emotional management of assertive individuals in these cases allows them to accept such situations. In the end, we do not have to agree on everything, and see things from the same point of view. The key lies in knowing how to respect the perspectives of others.
If a conflict does not end well and the person we face does not argue, understands and does not propose and limits himself only to offend and intensify negative emotions, the best is to put away . This is something assertive people have clearly identified and for that, far from falling into a meaningless dynamic, the ideal is to maintain calm and move away.
Often, it is said that assertiveness is the intermediate point between the kneeling and the flattening of the interlocutor. Assertive people move in this sphere which day by day knows themselves better and which allows them to be more able to defend themselves without attacking or being assaulted. They gain in ingenuity to effectively solve everyday problems.