“The only person who can pull me down is myself,
and I'm not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” ― C. JoyBell C.
FNCK the WAR inside our HEADS!!!
......
A few posts I stumbled across today, really got my mind reeling and my emotions churning! -
No, not in a negative way -
but rather in a compassionate and even more so,
passionate manner.
Whether it is ultimately of any use or not, I decided that I would like to attempt an extension of support and hopefully a little inspiration – not only to the peoples posts I read, but to myself too. It is NEVER a bad time to inspire yourself. This kind of post however, is not going to resonate with everyone, but this is of no consequence because if it reaches only one - I will be happy.
We all wake up in the morning and we go about our daily business. We brush our teeth, get dressed and at some point - stare at ourselves in the mirror. This is a pivotal point in everyone’s day (admit it or not) - however, the reaction/response will differ greatly from person to person.
Let’s say for instance that you are particularly confident and comfortable with yourself... your morning mirror experience would probably be quite a confidence boost. You would see yourself in your suit and tie or your floral blouse and pin skirt and confirm to yourself that you are going to have and amazing day ahead and that you look and feel absolutely fabulous...
Well, imagine for one second, that you are PRECISELY the same person - dressed in EXACTLY the same attire, yet for some reason... you feel and think absolutely NOTHING positive about the way you look or the way you feel…
Worse still – you DREAD stepping out your front door… having to put on that smile and make *** small talk*** with people who really speaking, just make you feel even worse about yourself – be it intentionally or unintentionally from their part… Everything you are ”required” to accomplish with the hours ahead of you seem so overwhelming that you struggle to breathe.
Do you imagine this would be a good puddle to stand in? No. I didn’t think so.
“Some friends don't understand this. They don't understand how desperate I am to have someone say, I love you and I support you just the way you are because you're wonderful just the way you are. They don't understand that I can't remember anyone ever saying that to me. I am so demanding and difficult for my friends because I want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though I am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time, not moving. Depression is all about If you loved me you would.” ― Elizabeth Wurtzel
Today has been particularly emotive. Not only for me, but apparently for many of those close to me – and this got me thinking…
I know how much I struggle at times to control my own emotions and mood swings, be they positive or negative and that boat alone is quite the steering challenge. I constantly have to slap myself in the face and rekindle the faith I have grown within myself over the years… remind myself that I AM in fact worth the effort. I CAN conquer whatever is placed in front of me and I AM up for the challenge – no matter what it is!
Honestly though, there are days when I tell myself the above and I just really DON’T believe it. Those are the days when I wish the ground would just swallow me up. Nothing can make you feel better on those days… it’s like a black hole of nothing-ness. Engagement on ANY level feels completely unattainable… like deeply inhaling for that breathe that you simply cannot reach… somehow you always fall short, and this makes your breathing shorter and the heart rate quicker – perpetuating the problem… around and around we go…
I am a FAR cry from perfect… (we all are) but I have learnt how to silence that demon… or at the very least ”control” it. How and Why? – Because FNCK - I deserve more than a dwindling existence that does nothing other than squash my true soul!!!!!!
Tonight, I watched a video… compliments of a comment which 
I have literally TRAINED myself to be the positivity glutton that I am. Does anybody ever wonder “why” that is?! – Most likely not lol… but that is of no consequence. I know it works! YES I DO have my moments of weakness, but they are becoming fewer and far between… and that, to me is 50% of the battle won!
I am exceptionally emotionally and energetically receptive too – which in many respects over and above my natural “mood” tendencies - does NOT do me any favours… although I will say that despite it’s “often negatives”, I would not trade that gift for ANYTHING in this world!!!!
Life does NOT always pan out quite the way you want… fnck – I know this WELL!!!! But my primary message and purpose for this post is to say PLEASE OPEN YOUR EYES… *** and look around you - or*** CLOSE THEM and look within you – It does NOT matter which one – just do the one which shrieks louder in your ear!
We have this ONE opportunity – this ONE life to sing our fncking song!!!!!! Screw all the financial pressures! Screw your boss, Screw the mother in law that hates you, Screw the relationship that is killing you, Screw what other people think of you, Screw ANYTHING that prevents you from A) being HAPPY and B) BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF!!!!
Remove ALL the concern you have for those details from your life and MARK MY FNCKING WORDS you will begin to feel like a different person!!!!!!!!!
NO! It is NOT going to happen overnight – a little persistence is required at least… but I can assure you of one thing – ultimately…. That little bit of initial persistence, perpetuated… will carry you a LOT further than you EVER believed possible!!!
NEVER FORGET THAT!!!!!!!
“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.” ― John Joseph Powell
A couple of songs comes to mind....
(and yes, I share these two often - but for good bloody reason!)
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
