"Philip, don't go; please don't leave me again." Her voice was broken.
She knew I couldn't grant such a request; even if she cried a flood right now, she knew I would still leave her because I couldn't go back on my oath to my country. I live only to serve this country; I only exist because my time warfield wasn't over. If I lose my life today, then it's with dignity, knowing fully well that the next generation after mine won't have to go through what I had. They would look upon my tombstone with pride, and they would call my act a heroic act because I had fought well and died as a soldier.
So I thought until I met Ruth, she was the perfection in my imperfect world; she loved and accepted my flaws without a second thought. So it kills me to see her break apart in front of me. Knowing fully well, I can't do what she asked of me.
"I can't grant such luxuries, Ruth; I am a man of the battlefield; I live and breathe for my country" I said it clearly, masking up my pain
"What about me, Philip? What about us? Our future together. Am I no more important to you??" Her brown eyes held so much hurt.
"You are Ruth. But in this war, I must go because it's important to me as well."
"What if you never come back? What if you die? Why are you being selfish to me? What have I ever done to you to deserve this?"
Her sobs were like broken records, each one grief like I was already gone and it killed me. I couldn't assure her of the future she wanted; I couldn't lie to her because that is not who I am.
I wrapped my arms around her, embracing her, everything I said only made it worse. That's why I was more than surprised she let me embrace her. "I am so sorry, Ruth, but this is who I am."
If her cries were heartbreaking, now they pierced my soul; it was like the truth only broke her further apart, and I couldn't fix it. My mind wandered to all the good times we had, and then the guilt settled in.
But that night, as we lay in each other's arms, we got comfort from our bodies to ease the pain from our souls. We made love. Each kiss on her lips was like a vow from my heart to hers. I worshiped and memorized each corner and each perfect skin of her body. Her eyes spoke so much pain that her mouth couldn't say because she had accepted the reality of things, and each time I kissed away her tears, she choked on a sob, pleading with me not to leave.
There, I made a vow to her: to come back only to her, and if she could wait for me, then she should wait to tell me good-bye.
And so we part ways.
Warfront….
The explosion was so bad that half of our men were killed on the spot. Men were dying like chickens. It was a terrible sight to behold.
"Josh, stand down! Stand down! Over!!." I yelled on the EE-8 field telephone.
"Capital, I'm going in for the kill, over!" Josh responded stubbornly.
Josh was just a kid, 20 years old. He joined the force when he was 18, pretty young, according to him, his family abandoned him to the military force, turns out they were sick of him. He was going to get himself killed, I saw it coming. Josh had grown into my skin these past few months, he was a good kid and dying so young wasn't his calling.
"Abort!! retrieve! The enemy is upon us; mission abort! Over." I shouted on the EE-8. As other members of my team started running back to our camp, helping those who were injured even.
But no, Josh just won't stop running into the danger up ahead, and just like that, my body moved, and I was running to go save him as I saw all the M2 machine guns aimed at him. The next thing I knew, I was pushing Josh away, standing in for his place, and all I recalled afterwards was being shot so much that I was swimming in my own pool of blood.
The bullet to my chest, legs, arms, and the crack on the back of my head was bad enough to kill me, and it was.
At that moment, I knew I had failed my love, my Ruth; she was going to wait for me, and here I was choking on my own blood. People would cry to God for forgiveness or to Buddha for reincarnation; but I cried to Ruth. I cried for her forgiveness and for the pain I had put her through. And the last thing I recall was Josh pressing on my chest to keep the blood from rushing out, but was there really a use? I wondered before I black out.
2years later…..
It was pretty long. I don't know how I survived, but I know I was on life support for more than a year. With a cracked skull and eight bullets from different parts of my body, the doctors said it was more than a miracle that I was still breathing.
I don't know what happened; how I'm alive and breathing, but all I knew was that I was going home. The government and my team weren't sure if I was going to make it, so they never disclosed if I was alive or dead.
But here I was driving back home to Ruth, God. Two years is pretty long. And I have changed so much. I looked down on the bouquet of red roses and her favorite chocolates I got for her. It was pretty funny how I gained consciousness. The doctors were skeptical because I was in a coma for a year and a few months. They said the first thing that came out of my mouth was Ruth's name, and that alone kept a smile on my face.
Though I was pretty nervous about my body, all the scars from the bullets are covered in tattoos, mostly the one on my chest, which I thought Ruth would love. Her face with that stunning smile got me to fall for her in the first place was now imprinted to my chest for life.
As my car approached what used to be our home, I noticed a lot of changes, like the paint was different, the flowers and plants were all beautiful, and I couldn't help the smile that made its way to my lips.
I did a quick check on how I looked and damn I still got my hot boy looks. I grinned at my car windscreen, inhaled, and exhaled before knocking at the door. I couldn't help the excitement I felt when I heard the door knobs begin to open, and that's when I saw her.
A little baby girl with Ruth's hair and eyes. She was so stunning, I couldn't help but look at her.
"Hello, Mr. Stranger." My heart started beating, but not from excitement; now it was just from another reason entirely. Fear, I didn't want to believe what my mind was telling me.
"H-hello angel." I stuttered. "Where's your
mom?."
"Oooh! She's inside with Daddy." It felt like something broke in me when I heard that even this beautiful girl's chuckles couldn't bring me out of it. And to make matters worse, I saw my love, my Ruth, so heavily pregnant that she couldn't even walk properly without the help of another man. That's when I saw their bond—a ring on both their hands. And I felt something die inside of me.
"P-phlip?." I could hear the regret in her voice, but was there any use now?.
"Hey Ruth." I put on that mask, the one I had worked so many years to put on, hiding my emotions until she came and broke it and made me want to live again. "I see you're round and heavy." With someone's child. I thought.
"How far gone are you?" I grinned.
"6 months away." She answered, quite exhausted as tears were already running down her cheeks.
"Funny, because it's the same time I wake up from my coma."
I looked at the man Ruth left me for; he looked like a decent man. The way he wrapped his arms around their little girl, you could see he was really a good father. The way his eyes hurt from seeing Ruth in tears , I just knew my time in Ruth's life was over.
"What's the little angel's name?"
"Fiona, her name is Fiona." Ruth's husband answered.
If I thought the pain I endured from the gunshots was painful, then nothing on earth prepared me for this kind of pain as I watched the woman I have loved for so long in the arms of another man with their kids. Haha, jokes on me because I knew I would never recover from this one; it wasn't like some gunshots that would heal and leave a scar to tell its story; this pain was going to stay forever.
"The name is Philip." I stretch my hand for a handshake to the young man.
"Samuel." I smiled as he took my hands in a handshake.
"Samuel, take good care of her; she deserves to be happy more than anything, and I can't ask her why she didn't wait for me because I left her and went ahead to war, I wasn't sure I would have made it, You see this." I opened my chest, revealing the tattoo of Ruth.
"She's the reason I'm walking and breathing like a human being, the reason I came back to life after eight bullets and one shot to my chest. So don't ever make her cry like the way I'm doing right now. You have my respect." I saluted him, and Fiona mimicked me by saluting me. And that brought tears to my eyes as I turned to leave.
"Philip, Philip, wait!" Ruth called out to me.
"I'm sorr-."
I turned around and hugged her; the scent of flowers filled my nose. She was so gorgeous.
"Shush, don't cry. Just be happy, Ruth; I will never forget you, maybe in our next life things would be different." I pulled away from her warm embrace. Giving her the bouquet of flowers. She smiled sadly and took them.
"Where are you going too?" She asked immediately.
"Where you won't be seeing me that often."
And that was the last thing I said to her. Now here I am driving to what used to be our favorite spot with all these thoughts in my head: what if I didn't leave when she asked me to? Would it be any different? Would we have had our own family? Would I have been a husband or a dad? I wonder what it would feel like to be genuinely happy.
With those thoughts, my car went off the cliff. This time, I felt nothing.
There was no pain, no scars, no more fear, but most especially, there was no more Ruth as I felt the abyss pit engulf my soul.
