I was pouring the last drop of lemonade into a small white plastic cup.
We had just about finished for the day and I was ready to get back to the station.
In addition to policing this canal, our squad runs several of these quaint old style lemonade stands.
I looked askance at my partner Justin.
Source: Giphy.com
He had one large bug eye pointed towards me through a thick glass bottle of whiskey. It was upended in a completely vertical position.
"Dammit man! Watch the merchandise!" I guffawed.
No wonder the kids weren't coming to get lemonade anymore.
Looks like we were going to need more of our famous secret ingredient.
Love.
With a hop, skip, and a jump we found ourselves lying at the bottom of our gondola staring up at the sky. We probably should have just walked on board.
It never fails. Whenever you're in a hurry you will always run into traffic.
"If there's one thing I can't stand...... it's people that don't know how to drive on the river."
I nursed the purple goose egg coming from my forehead.
We were almost to the station when I spotted something grey and unusual floating on the river.
It was a newspaper.
The Canal Street Herald.
The only reason anybody read the Canal Street Herald these days was for the ridiculous horoscopes.
Today is your lucky day.
You're not going to die today.
It was mostly lies to get business.
Justin scooped up the laminated paper and threw it in the bottom of our little boat.
"If there's one thing I can't stand..... it's these dumb horoscopes." I yawned loudly.
"You fickle bastard." Justin retorted.
I flipped it open to the first page.
You will read the newspaper right now.
That IS remarkably accurate.
"Sure but what does it say about MY horoscope?" I wondered.
"You see Justin...... these horoscopes are all about broad generalizations."
"You will meet someone new, for example." I laughed.
"How many days of the week do you NOT meet someone new?"
It was all pointless dribble.
Well my birthday was coming up soon. It was October 24th. I'm a Scorpio.
You will encounter great fortune. .....hmmm.
At Lucky Al's .....well that's pretty specific.
At 7:00. ....getting a bit strange now.
Tonight. ....what the heck.
It was already 6:30.
"Justin set a course for Lucky Al's" I barked.
"You mean turn the rowing oar?"
"Whatever."
Lucky Al's was the first spaghetti wrestling joint on the canal.
Two men enter. One eats a plate of spaghetti while the other looks on wistfully, stomach rumbling.
We arrived at 6:45 just in time to see the match between Little Annie and Black Midnight.
Not a very fair match if you ask me considering that Little Annie was only 3 ft tall and Black Midnight was about 7 and a half. Little Annie ended up scuttling up Black Midnight's long rigid back and choking him out using her strong lower region.
Huh.
When they brought out her giant plate of spaghetti dripping with sauce you could see the desire flowing from Black Midnight like a river flowing into a sea of wishes.
The next two matches were pretty much the same thing.
I was kind of getting bored when suddenly it happened.
Joe Boxer was up against a new addition.
A spaghetti wrestler by the name of Great Fortune.
It was a great matchup with Joe getting in several good hits. It wasn't even wrestling anymore. It seemed like a kind of no holds barred MMA match.
The winner by a mile, though, was Great Fortune.
He tossed out Golden Razorbacks left and right. They cut through Joe's boxers and left him with one limp noodle.
Justin and I sat entranced on the small narrow audience benches when suddenly Great Fortune came up to us both.
"Hey nice to meet you fellas. You work for the Canal squad right?" he smacked Justin on the back.
"I'm a huge fan."
I pulled out the newspaper and looked at the horoscope again.
Looks like another victory for the Canal Street Herald.
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