Mollie
Against my better instincts I went to Natalie’s block party, and now I’m dealing with the fallout from that decision—the guilt and the regret.
Maybe I wasn’t ready—It’s only been two years since Mollie passed away, or maybe I’ll never be ready—anyway, it’d take a superwoman to fill that space again.
One thing I do decide though—when I walk my pup, Em, I won’t head in Natalie’s direction—I'll be taking a new route from now on.
It’s easier that way. Yeah, I’m a mess, but it’s all because of Em.
That’s the lie I tell myself. I look in the mirror and recite my mantra:
Ethan Cameron lost his wife
Ethan Cameron has no life.
Whatever happens can’t erase what’s been
And can’t put Ethan together again.
I put this sorry mess to bed and let Em sleep lying across my feet.
I fall into a troubled sleep. I’m back in Florida, but this time not with Mollie—Natalie’s there. We’re on a beach and it’s very stormy. The sea rises in a huge black swell.
It’s windy but in the thunder, I can still make out Natalie’s laughter rising above the storm’s din. Moving shadows surround us and seem menacing but turn out to be Natalie’s ‘friends’.
She’s dancing and flirting with strange men. My stomach twists and I feel hollow inside.
I awake shivering and panting. The window is open and I can hear the soft rumble of thunder and smell the scent of rain on the breeze.
I get up, go downstairs, light a fire and sip some wine. Em comes up on the couch and presses his body close to mine.
I still see the images from my dream—a time-skip into a future where I don’t want to be.
I pick up Mollie’s photograph, hug it and soon fall back to sleep and awake to warm sunlight pouring through the parted drape.
Natalie told me she was heading off to Florida by the end of the week, so according to plan, I deliberately don’t phone or go by her place.
A week or two passes and everything falls back into place. Even my sister, Elle, resigns herself to the status quo.
Then inevitably one day late in June, the phone rings. I see Natalie’s name on the Caller ID.
I don’t panic. I’ve prepared for this. I know exactly what I’m going to say—a few lines from an old Willie Nelson song I’ll change a bit but the sentiment will stay the same:
Well hello there, my it's been a long, long time.
How am I doin'? Oh I guess that I'm doin' fine.
It's been so long now but it seems now it was only yesterday.
Gee ain't it funny how time just slips away?