1st January
Woke up at about 10am, nice and early, was in bed at about ten o’clock last night, didn’t want to stay up for New Year as I hate singing auld lang syne on my own, and I have to try to cross my arms so I can hold my own hands, but my arms are too fat so it hurts, stupid New Year. But this year is going to be my year I think, I’m going to get myself in shape and make this the year of my life.
2nd January
Woke up this morning nice and early to go for a jog before work, but tripped over the front step as my laces came undone and I banged my left testicle against the kerb. Couldn’t move it hurt so much, so I started crying. The neighbour from over the street came out and told me to “Shut the fuck up crying,” as she has a young baby. Don’t think she knows I was in pain, she sees me crying quite a lot though so she should know |I don’t cry over nothing. Couldn’t go into work after all that, so I had 4 packets of Space Raiders, burnt my laces and went back to bed.
3rd January
Didn’t sleep well last night due to testicle pain, every time I rolled over it hurt, I don’t know why testicles need to be outside of the body, they just get in the way, someone should look into that I think. Dragged myself into work but I was limping a bit due to the pain, and Jonny told everyone that I was being ‘Gangsta’ and they all laughed, but I don’t know why, as I don’t know what gansta means, it didn’t stop me crying a bit in the toilet but I pulled myself together after 10 mins or so. Watched Frozen again when I got home, I wish I was a princess, or a prince.
4th January
Stupid alarm clock didn’t go off this morning, so I was an hour late, so Jonny shouted at me and said it just wasn’t good enough, I told him it was the alarm clock, not me, but he said I need to get a grip. I was speechless that he could that I was to blame, stupid alarm clock, stupid work and stupid Jonny. Burnt my alarm clock in back garden tonight and found a Rollo down the back of the chair on the bus on way home, so not a bad day all in all.
5th January
Late again this morning as alarm clock didn’t go off, as it was melted in the back garden, ran all the way to the train station in tears, just couldn’t face getting shouted at by Jonny again, it always seems to happen to me. Got to town and ran to work all the way from train station, and got to work only ten minutes late, but the door was shut so I couldn’t get in. I ran to phone box and rang Jonny and told him I couldn’t get in, he told me the office was shut, I asked why and he said “Because it’s Saturday” and hung up. I hate my life.
6th January
Another Sunday to get through, I sometimes wish I believed in Jesus or one of the others. At least they have somewhere to go on a Sunday. I had a couple of the guys from some church knocking on my door a couple of weeks ago, I chatted to them for about an hour then I
invited them in to talk some more but they had to dash off. Had to go to church probably. That was a good Sunday. Was going to listen to Leona Lewis and lie down on floor and close my eyes this afternoon, but I had no batteries for my player, so I just put my fingers in my ears and sang instead, but it wasn’t as good.
7th January
Do you remember that time when we went out and had fun, and laughed, and just felt happy and normal? I don’t.
I woke up feeling a bit arty and poemy today, so I wrote that. It made me a bit sad though so I had a pot noodle before work, so I had to watch some Sex in the City while I ate it, but then I needed a wank so I nearly missed my bus and I had to run, so I was a bit sweaty in work. Hobbo said “Jesus mate, have a shower” when I walked past, but he had his headphones in so I think he was talking to someone on the phone.
8th January
Sang the Chim Chiminey song off Mary Poppins on my way into work today, I feel like the chimney sweep sometimes, only I can’t dance. My feet don’t seem to want to do what my head wants them to do, so I fall over, and lots of bits of me shake a bit too much for my liking. Had to stop singing when I got near the bus stop though as the kids were there who laughed at me the other week when I was singing the drum bit from the start of the Eastenders theme. One of them called me a peado, and said I was gonna get done, so I ran off because I don’t need that kind of trouble, but when I told my mum she said that it made me look worse so I just can’t win. I put my hood up today though and stood at the back so they didn’t see me. Jonny told me to prepare for my 1-2-1 today, I said ok, but I’m not sure what a 1-2-1 is, I asked Hobbo, but he just said “Jesus Christ” and walked off, so I’m none the wiser, I’ll ask mum, she’ll know. Had a chat with John, the homeless guy outside of Netto for a bit tonight during my walk, but he had to go home after about ten minutes, still it was nice to have a chat. Found some barmcakes at the back of Netto though, they were a bit hard and chewy, but I mixed them with a bit of water and rolled them in bits between my hands so they went stringy, then I pretended they were pretzels. I could only eat 4 though as they were a bit filling so I had to burn the other two in the back garden.
9th January
Sarah came into the canteen room today, when I thought I was on my own, and I didn’t see her. I was busy making the same noise as the microwave does, with the microwave on, with nothing cooking in the microwave. For a laugh. When I saw her I pretended I was coughing, but I don't know how long she'd been there. Then the microwave pinged and she opened the door because she wanted to use the microwave too. She looked at me like I was weird when she saw there was nothing in the microwave. I said “Don’t be nasty, show us your pasty” to her, which was something Dave told me was funny to say, to break the empty microwave tension, but she called me a tosser and walked over to the microwave on the other side of the canteen. She’s a strange one that girl. I told Costas at the shop tonight that Sarah from work was a strange one, but he just said “Yeah, innit”.
10th January
Fell asleep on the bus on the way into work today, and weed a bit in my pants while I was sleeping, but I had a can of coke in my bag so I poured it down my pants so it didn’t look as bad. Nearly got done again in work at dinner. I put bacon in the microwave in the canteen, but it was wrapped in foil, so it started popping and sparking and caught fire, so I ran back to my desk. Margaret the lady kitchen boss came to talk to Jonny, and I heard her say “I know Jonathan, but it’s the 3rd time already this year, and we’re only on the bloody 10th of January”, and Jonny said “I know, I know, I’ll talk to him”, but when she left he just spoke to Hobbo for a bit, then they both started laughing and went to the pub for the afternoon.
11th January
Had a Chicken & mushroom Pot Noodle for lunch today, instead of Beef & Onion, mum says I need to sort out my diet, and I read that white meat is better for you than red, so chicken is better than beef. Think it worked as I looked thinner I think when I was looking at myself in the mirror tonight. Nothing to do whilst it’s a Friday night, and dad told me once that you should have a long hard look at yourself sometimes, so I did that tonight. Don’t really see the point though as I just saw me.