Day 732: 5 Minute Freewrite: Tuesday - Prompt: gut feeling
At 11:05 p.m., Wednesday, in March, over 10 years ago, my heart stopped. At least at the time it felt like it did! I dropped the phone in the kitchen and ran to the hall post to grab my keys. I could barely unlock my garage door because my hands were shaking so hard. I couldn't remember which way the lock turned to open. As I was trying to twist it back and forth, I heard this voice saying, "you can't go anywhere without your purse and shoes". That was my husband grabbing my arm and pulling me back into the doorway. "What's the matter", he said in a louder voice than a minute ago".
I said in a rushed voice, "She's gone, I know she is. I just know." while trying to pull away from him. I repeated this. My heart was pounding as I could feel my chest heave so hard I felt like I would faint. A confused look on his face, my husband said even louder, "Who's gone?". "Big Mam., I said. "I know she's gone. I just know. I can feel it", I kept repeating.
"Gone where? he questioned. He had now managed to get me back inside the house and sit me down on the couch. "What's happened, and who was that on the phone?" He held my hand tightly so I couldn't move. I could see he was not going to let me go. "My dad said she fell down and was now on the way to the hospital," I said in a quieter voice. "But it's too late, "she dead." My husband said in disbelief, "How do you know? "Who said she was dead?", he shouted. "My mom is dead," I said.
Pacing back and forth in the hospital waiting room. That's all I did for over 30 minutes. My siblings made it to the hospital about 15 minutes later. As I sat there recounting what my dad told me, I remembered a detail that haunts me to this day.
You see an hour earlier that night, I was on the phone with my sister. We chatted about the usual girl stuff, all the while my mom was trying to reach us while she was having a heart attack. But I was on the phone. Apparently my dad, who was in bed ill himself, heard my mom trying to call us when she first starting feeling bad. She told my dad she was going to lie down on the couch. Shortly after, he heard a loud thump. Apparently, she fell to the floor. She somehow managed to crawl to the telephone, dial 911, then unlocked the door the paramedics reported to my dad before taking her to the hospital.
Back then I didn't have the type of telephone where you could see who was on the other line like it is today. What if, is all I could think about.
We left the hospital after talking with the doctors. My mom had a stroke and a massive heart attack. She slipped into a coma. Her doctors said she didn't have any brain activity, and they confirmed she was "brain dead" after running all the appropriate tests. Few days later, they put her on life support as my siblings insisted. They told us that we needed to make a decision soon. Somehow this news didn't affect me as I thought it should.
I already knew.