Resisting and Handling Emotional Manipulators

Emotional blackmail is not uncommon in a relationship. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is - parents, partners, siblings, friends. Individuality is still very important, because the manipulation during emotional blackmail can take on different dimensions. Emotional blackmail defines that one person tries to strategically manipulate another through feelings. If exactly what the blackmailer demands is not done, the blackmailed person will be burdened with strongly negative feelings .

It's an emotional dependency that can move in two directions. On the one hand there is the fear of loss and on the other hand there is the desire for relentless love. The problem is a lack of and faulty communication. Partners who use emotional blackmail are clearly not to clearly formulate able requirements and directly.

In addition, they see themselves in the role of the victim. Advanced emotional blackmail can be defined by far-reaching consequences. "If you don't support me here, I don't know if we can still be together." The victim endures this in order to avoid further conflicts and not to hurt the partner. This information asymmetry suggests the emotional blackmailer the right to behave in this way. This makes the victim feel like you owe the other person something.

If one of them complies with the other's wishes, he will be rewarded with affection. If he does not parry, then there is withdrawal of love.

To avert the latter, the partner complies. Often completely unconscious. The one who submits to the other does this or that not out of inner conviction, but out of a sense of duty. He feels responsible for ensuring that the other is well and doesn't want to have to reproach himself for his or her discomfort.

Common approaches are for example:

"If you would only love me, then you would ..."
"What have I done for you and what are you doing?"
"My girlfriend's husband does too..."

That sounds harsh at times - and it should be in the respective situation. Maybe it's a cry for more recognition and attention, he doesn't feel appreciated enough.

But maybe one of them has huge expectations of the relationship and thinks that they cannot be happy if the other does not meet them. It is also possible that someone does not express their wishes and tacitly expects the other to fulfill them. If this does not happen, the other person will be emotionally blackmailed at some point.

If you have already experienced as a child that one parent was able to get his way through the other with a certain scam, then the probability is high that as an adult you will also try to do it in a comparable situation. This assumes that the partner is a type at all who can be emotionally blackmailed.

If the partner overwhelms you with accusations, then the other should respond and say something like, let me understand why you are so angry now. What do you suggest that I can do so that justice is restored for you? Another possibility can be to ask the partner to speak openly about expectations in the future so that they can be fulfilled or explained more easily why that doesn't work. One partner should also talk about how he is doing when the other puts him under pressure.

But everyone must also be aware that the partner is responsible for his or her feelings. Even if someone doesn't work according to the other's ideas, they are by no means a bad person. Perhaps in one situation or another you also have to accept that your partner feels bad - but don't blame yourself for it.

Couples should seek professional help if one person has a permanent guilty conscience and feels bad because of the other person's behavior, becomes depressed or develops an anxiety disorder or has physical problems such as insomnia. Then a therapist or psychologist can reveal communication styles and behavior patterns and convey how one can adequately express his needs to the other.

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Tips to identifying emotional blackmail

Anger

Do you keep your needs in the background ? This can lead to subliminal aggression. For example, if you get angry and pissed off at the mere presence of your partner, you have already spotted the first clue.

High expectations

Expectation in emotional blackmail is very important. Ultimately, you will be taught that you are to blame for everything and that you should adjust your expectations of the partner, because from the blackmailer's point of view, you are not prioritizing the way your partner wants you to.

Avoidance of conflict

Not only do you always give in to your partner's wishes, but you have reached a point where you give in from the start and avoid the conflict. You know it always comes down to the same thing and what you would like is out of the question.

Self-doubt

We humans often tend to compare ourselves to others and the feeling of not being good enough or of failing is always present. This will make your partner feel by often other compares , claiming that person can or does everything better than you.

Permanent demands

Your partner will always have something against it and will push his way through. This also includes permanent consideration as a requirement.

Feelings of guilt

Do you feel guilty all the time? No wonder, because your partner is constantly trying to impose his will on you.

Pressure

Due to the countless demands and expectations, you feel constantly under pressure. Your partner is pushing himself to the fore and the constant recurrence of blame puts a strain on you and your relationship.

Signs to recognize manipulation

They use your weak points against you

Manipulators know which buttons to operate so that it really hurts the other. Anyone who seems unsure about their figure or appearance is easy to influence. The choice of clothes is commented on or the choice of food when visiting a restaurant together. Manipulators try to make life more difficult for others and to increase insecurities.

They pretend to be helpful - but are not

When you ask a manipulator for help, they're quick to say yes. But when the time comes that he really has to help, he pretends it's a huge extra burden that he has to bear. He moans and moans about how much work he has to do on the favor. To save yourself that, don't ask her next time.

They are good liars

Manipulators tell things that never happened or deny things that happened. They are so credible that you simply buy the lies from them. They want to arouse pity, put themselves in a good light or change perception. Anyone who feels they have been lied to should question stories and look for discrepancies.

You play the role of victim

The whole world has conspired against manipulators and they are never to blame for anything. Basically, they simply never take responsibility for their mistakes. They always blame others, and preferably one particular person: you.

You are playing with your conscience

No matter what you do, an emotional manipulator will make you feel bad about it. Any argument will ultimately be made your fault. If you share a problem, it is your own fault. Then manipulators use the bad conscience of the other person to their advantage to get exactly what they want. Basically, they don't care about the feelings of others.

Getting away out from being emotionally manipulated

Communication behavior

You have been communicating with your partner for weeks or months. But you are not the problem, you are the blackmailer because he is unable to say what he wants. Get him to speak by calming down your partner in these situations and responding to what he is currently asking. Be defensively active so you can break through the emotional dependency bit by bit.

Observation

Analyze exactly when your partner starts to blackmail you emotionally. Is it because of your own dissatisfaction? Are you the air valve and getting it all off? Does it happen in times of stress? Pay special attention to these things.

Set goals

Don't rush into anything, think more carefully how you want to proceed in order to avoid emotional blackmail. Cautiousness is the key word here, because the emotional dependency cannot be resolved overnight.

Information

You now know what you are dealing with, but multiple sources of information are not enough. So you can now better assess the situation and react with agility.

Perseverance

Avoiding the partner from the emotional blackmail does not happen overnight. It takes perseverance and patience to achieve the goal together. You both have to work on yourself and learn to communicate with each other and respond to the needs of both parties.

Relieve pressure

It's going to be another heated discussion and your partner wants you to give in and do what they want? Then defuse the situation by remaining objective , doing a few small things in order to think about the situation again in peace. So you are able to get a decent answer afterwards and do not give in.

Consequences

If you can't stand it anymore and your partner just doesn't want to see that you are suffering from them and just don't know what to do anymore, then the time has come to draw the conclusions. Take a break from the relationship. Is the emotional blackmail so extreme that you can not take it anymore, then you should consider it the relationship to end.