Some of my friends have mentioned over the course of the past months that apparently I’ve changed a lot.
I reckon'. I had to grow up and start to be responsible for my shit. But for the real shit.
To most people on the outside it might seem like I have been showered with pleasure and abundance lately.
And it’s true. But it’s not as 'simple' as that. And since 
A couple of days ago, Amore and I had a bit of an overemotional situation, and I realized most of the fallout was due to me having reached a threshold in my happiness container.
‘Yea of course’ I thought to myself. That one hasn’t been around for quite a while now, I was actually even surprised that it took so ‘long’ to reappear.
Okay, now let me explain in case you had no idea what I mean by ‘happiness container’
To be honest, it’s really hard for me to put it in a chronological context, but after a considerate amount of therapy, self-research and coaching, one time at some point I understood that in me was something deeply encoded that, despite all my focus on introspection, I seemed not being able to get out of my system.
There was an innate aversion to ‘success’ or as I can word it today;
a hesitation, indeed a resistance to live out my greatest potential.
A deeply rooted virus of self-sabotage had stem from an underlying addiction to chaos, and therefore drama.
Later I could understand this was the result of DNA-wiring over long time, thus generations.
Having pound my head in research done by Dr. Joe Dispenza, specifically in his book ‘You are the Placebo’, he explains how, supported by the latest findings in epigenetics, we have learnt that we all have aquired a specific gene expression that determines exactly which codes that are triggered in us, will be activated and will release the enclosing hormones.
Those hormones, each responsible for various mechanisms of our body, arraying from nurturing biological needs, to triggering illness or self-destruction, will define the fate of how the body manages the (new) information we have just engaged with.
The most powerful finding was that our body, cells and DNA respond to the emotions that are created by our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and our body.
This finding solidly reverses any ‘genetic transmission’-theory.
In fact, there is a subtle nuance in-between;
A healthy programmed feedback loop consists in the brain sending a clear undistinguishable signal to the system. The proteins understanding the signal 100% are ready to trigger the expression of the adequate genes and release the proper hormones that will take care of the feedback that the body is originally designed to perform in response to that particular event/input.
Now, a disturbed or corrupted feedback loop will have severe communication issues.
The signal is lost in translation, as soon as the emotional balance of the body is thrown off course.
That just means that there has accumulated fog between the brain and the protein, and/or the protein and the hormone, or even the hormone and the hormone itself.
With the wrong communication, the proteins activate the wrong genes, and release a corrupted bodily feedback.
Now, contrary to the myth of old-school genetics, nothing is irreversible here! It’s just a matter of wiring and conditioning, which for the greatest joy of all means
we can reverse the entire program to our advantage.
The most interesting thing about our DNA is that, in fact, we have all the possible expressions of human condition designed in it. It is our human genome. Everything is included in that: our greatest potential and our most efficient self-destruction.
Our genes are like musicians. They are all present in the band (=DNA). However, you, and especially your emotions are the very conductor of that orchestra.
It's up to how we instruct our genes to play our symphony of Life, namely activating them to function in harmony and to our optimal well-being.
We all inherit a certain a certain genetic mockup, and there may lay some hereditary genes dormant, yet there are just as much hidden positive potentials that are waiting to be activated.
The more a feedback loop is repeated, the more the response is anchored and becomes second nature.
In that sense, responses are being formatted over time through beliefs, behaviors, wording, emotions, crisis, physical and emotional trauma,...
There is no doubt that contexts such as religion, dogma, societal rules, historical events and education have had a major influence upon the way our bodily response engages with our ‘genetically habituated’ response patterns.
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So there I was, sitting with that conclusion of me having been wired as to revert to the same dramatic responses over and over again. And my parents did too, and my grandparents. And their parents, and theirs and theirs and theirs.
It’s not that I am simply addicted to chaos and I have mental will problems. No the matter is way deeper than that, I finally could see.
My brain and response system have been wired in such way, that for my system , the most chaotic and dramatic responses have become so second-nature, that they have become my comfort zone and of those before me.
And that the healthy original and optimal response systems have been left like buttons so rusted and overgrown with the poison ivy of time, that nobody for generations had dared venture on those thorned paths.
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Healing shame and addiction to chaos was the first step into reclaiming my body, my system, my own configuration and program for my best life.
It felt incredibly peaceful to embrace my power to decide what I wanted for my own life, as the new ancestor, and finally breaking those generational curses.
Understanding the path I had to take to reconnect these stimuli long lost was buried beneath my ancestral lineage, I got to dive into the mental corruptions that have stained our DNA by deciphering cultural, religious and historical context of both of my roots.
Half my blood comes from North Africa, in these lands, the indigenous have been invaded by Islam in the 8th century, and when that forced conversion was not enough, around a thousand years later, white colonization came to devastate the remnants of sovereignty amongst the Amazigh tribes, and when that was not enough, the Muslim Brotherhood-esque terror-regime made sure, shortly two decades after the independence, that nobody dares favoring a terrestrial freedom over the ‘promise of God’.
On top of that, gathering personal family stories to understand what the color of these people’s life was like, I could weed out recurring family traumas;
war and massacre on both sides, patterns of tragedy, kidnapping, rape, fatal alcoholism, those being the most predominant.
My father was born to a nomadic family in the gates of the desert in the middle of the Independence War. When he was an infant, my grandfather was fighting for the liberation of Algeria, and one morning while he left his family-tent to meet his comrade, they were both ambushed by the French Army and killed. The French took their corpses back to the settlement and went into each tent with the two fallen men to ask whether they belonged to them. Every single family member in those tents had to not show any glimpse of emotion or bond towards the corpses otherwise they would be slandered too.
Talk about overriding a natural human response.
My grandmother was forced to discard her children and remarry, and my father started his life in the People's Democratic Republic of Algeria as an orphan.
This is just one example that made me understand how certain responses and behavior has been wired in the people who were experiencing those conditions and how all that had come down to how my father unconsciously or consciously raised us.
The French Army assaulting a 'qsar' (fortified village) in the Algerian Desert. source
My mother is the 'daughter of the colonizers'; she was a baby boomer born to two distant cousins, my French grandmother and my Luxembourgish grandfather. Both have their own share of trauma. My grandmother, coming from a family that stems from the Mont-Blanc region, started her life without a mother. What I found out much later is that her mother literally kept repeating she would die after childbirth, which proves how we can wire our brain to such an extent that it eventually transforms our affirmations into reality.
Growing up in Paris in the 1930s, war hit when she was 7 years old. Her father, a French military officer got captured by the German and kept as prisoner of war in a camp, where he could stay alive thanks to his rank and talents in entertaining the Nazi officers in their quarters in the evenings.
My grandfather, a citizen of a tiny country that had dared to proclaimed itself neutral and did not involve its own military, saw his country being invaded by the Nazis yet had his share of luck, as he was exactly one year too young to be forcibly drafted into the Nazi Wehrmacht. He credits his survival and sanity to his strong faith in God during all those years he was silently praying for this war to be over.
Yet, I can distinguish in his ways a very Luxembourgish thing many do here which is: ’wait and see’, it’s safer to not take sides, it’s safer to keep a low profile, not take risks, adapt and try to make the best of it.
Also, it goes without saying that my grandfather is a kid that has been ‘saved by the USA’. His perception of the world is quite modeled through the mainstream lens that has been glorifying industrialization and globalization ever since, which is quite interesting as a consequence.
The US Army parading through the streets of Luxembourg surrounded by children celebrating the Liberation of Luxembourg
The Capital - 10th September 1944. source
It’s crazy how many members of our lineage have learnt to define survival with different solutions; in my case I found patterns like shutting up your emotions, not showing emotion otherwise you’ll die, entertain or die, Respect the Master!, freedom is a dead legend, don’t expect too much (don’t expect your loved ones to come back), bear the pain in silence, be grateful for even being alive and the power of words and affirmations about ourselves
I could see many cases of women in my family who literally experienced what they were always complaining about in vicious cycles.
Throw in the traumatic experience of womanhood encoded in many of us globally for hundreds of generations, and you have a pretty intensive mix of dysfunctional wiring.
When we realize that we all hold a ‘trauma’ blueprint, imagine what this means in the same logic we also have a ‘peace’ blueprint, a financial blueprint, a success blueprint, a scarcity blueprint, a happiness blueprint, an abundance blueprint, a love blueprint, etc etc
Scarcity has been the 'safe zone', or the most anchored feedback loop in my family and upbringing. So while I was a single entrepreneur and seriously figuring out how I’d like to be financially and emotionally independent in my life, I had to tackle the scarcity and chaos issue.
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With the understanding of my former wiring, I decided to train myself and recode my DNA for the sake of my life, the people I share my life with and my future dynasty.
I didn’t want to drag all that toxic shit anymore that was hovering over my bloodline, all that does not belong to me. It was never mine to begin with.
With therapy, and my own ceremonies and serpent practices, I have given those emotions a voice, but after that, those are not mine to experience or to embody.
I just offer myself for them to express, but never for me to hold onto them.
This is the biggest lesson I have learnt.
I feel like we should all understand we are not the product of our ancestor’s suffering.
We are mature enough today, to come to the conclusion that the past 2000-3000 years have been a period in humanity that has severely abused it’s dignity in way more forms than one brain can imagine by itself.
I believe, we shall step away from the shame or bashfulness that such trauma embodies, and understand that it’s up to us to be open and lay down all the horrors that have been passed on to us with each generation passing since millennia.
There are different recurring themes and patterns in each family line, and it’s no comparative exercise, in fact we shall understand that all that has to be healed in its totality, for everyone, alive and dead.
I truly embarked on a magnificent journey of crowning myself as the Ancestor I want to be and celebrating my freedom in choosing that for myself and my bloodline from then on.
Also I dug deep into my heritage and found beautiful things about my Ancestors that make me feel connected to them and also grateful to their living & dying for my freedom today.
The biggest reunion was with Abundance and Pleasure. Those two were my magic fountains.
By understanding the psychology of a person that is wired to be favoring dramatic and toxic responses over healthy ones, I saw that I was not even allowing the reality my own happiness.
You see, the golden gem of knowledge in this subject is understanding that we all have sort of a 'container' of all the (empowering and destructive) things we can hold in ourselves.
By nature of course, it is designed to hold an abundance of pure bliss.
However, with the evolution of the mechanisms I mentioned above, those containers have evolved as well and have become our unconscious blueprints.
I can only have as much abundance as I can hold.
As much as I am used to hold.
As much as is comfortable for me to hold.
But just as the individuals in Plato’s cave were not used to the light, people with a very small abundance and joy container will be aggressively blinded when they encounter a stronger amount of those things that they were able to hold so far.
This is the happiness-cap!
Innerstanding that was the key for my transformation and for my transcendence of layer upon layer of abundance in my life.
Expanding my container for pleasure, happiness and abundance meant unconditionally believing I deserved every atom of it.
Deciding that Yes, I am worthy of being showered with an abundance of Love, invited in a passionate dance with Life and penetrated with bliss by God.
Saying Yes to pleasure and freedom is not an easy feat for someone who always preferred not to dare to wish for too much in fear to be shamed for it or have everything taken away at last.
But the thought that gave me the most strength all along was that by doing that work, I was not only going to rewire my DNA for the sake of my own offspring, but I was also healing every ancestor of my bloodline with my own healing.
Also with every breakthrough, I was aware that I reinforced a positive feedback loop which I could draw my energy from because my normality shifted as my paradigms reversed & I held more space for the things that gave me joy and walked away easier from the things that proved toxic to me.
In practical terms, it meant I had to show Life (&God) how much I am being
Open & ready to Receive.
I started to watch my thoughts, my talk and my behavior.
What vibes did I give off to Life? This is really not difficult. Just think about how you think and speak about Life, Love, Money, the good things in Life, Magic, the ‘Impossible’ and imagine yourself at the other end of that praise (or not).
That’s all you need to know. How Life / Love / Happiness / Money / God really feels about your perception of itself and how it feeeels around You. It's all about. your. energy.
We all know we don’t feel comfortable around someone who secretly despises us or blames us for all their unhappiness.
Instead of playing the role of the sub that devotes herself to God in a self-effacing way without ever taking responsibility for the powerlessness she can feel sometimes about Life,
who just gives into her misery by holding herself on her knees in a defeated posture and grows frustrated inside about her circumstance and starts to blame her Dom in secret,
I decided to become the sassy sub with a mischievous smile who knows her worth and delights in pleasure, yet knows when to yield when the higher power deems appropriate, and therefore am burning ready to take responsibility for my attitude in Life, my sovereignty in my submission, and my free will as a human being.
I also started to act in that spirit.
I had to get comfortable with the uncomfortable (the unknown territories of joy) and get uncomfortable with the comfortable (the homelands of desolation).
So there I was, trying things I've never done before. Getting out of my comfort zone. Getting myself out there. Going after the things that make me feel alive.
And God met me halfway.
There the magic happened. And it all had to happen consciously in the beginning, because my job was to rewire and practice my happiness-muscles.
Whenever I experienced awe and felt really blessed with abundance, I consciously practiced anchoring and mentally taking in the enormous wave of joy I was swallowing.
I literally had myself expand my processing of agreeable and intense emotions, as I said yes thank you I want to, and I am ready to hold such an incredible amount of joy!
I'm not hiding that it was overwhelming sometimes. It can be real uncomfortable sometimes to be invaded by such an intense amount of bliss. When we are unconscious about it, it can be unbearable. The unconscious becomes restless and doesn't understand why all of a sudden we can have so much peace and joy. It's too good to be true right?
And that's what I meant, when I realized my subconscious was not used to the amount of joy I feel right now in my life, during my turmoil episode with Amore.
It's always at those times, that I sit back and look back on how far I got. From wanting to die to literally breaking through the thresholds of my generational caps of a fulfilled human experience on earth.
And then I just close my eyes, feel the moment, feel the immense amount of love, joy and freedom I CHOSE to being able to hold today.
I breathe in & feel my cells dancing wildly to the abundant vibration.
Yes, Thank you! Right then, I add in a little vision of how much more I would like my life to feel abundant & feel grateful for the reality of the possibility of that. (Quantum Leap, right there Baby!)
I breathe out, open my eyes and know that while I am consciously wiring that now for the next time, I am only going to hit the next cap, and so forth.
But the thought at how this can just be better and better from here on is just worth all of it. 💃
After writing this entire post, I came to the decision to no longer call it Happiness-cap for me, but my Happiness-temple, which is a wording that fits better my multiverse.
Yes, actually it's not a container anymore, it's a legit temple by now. And I am always expanding it, room by room, one day at a time.
I'm really grateful to you 
Bless you 😍
💛 dividers are made by me 💛