Beep Beep
It was 5:30 a.m. and my alarm went off. I reached over to the night table beside the bed to turn it off. I then rolled over onto my back, facing the ceiling and whispered, “Bring on day number one!” I stepped out of bed at 5:45 a.m. and into the shower by 6:00 a.m. I commenced my usual morning battle with my contact lenses which took up most of my time. Once I was finished, I quickly got dressed and brushed my hair; so that I could be downstairs on time. As I approached the kitchen, I noticed Liza was already up and seemed to be making tea.
She was dressed in a long pink bathrobe with her hair tied in a messy top knot. “Good Morni...” before I could finish, her head began to turn towards me slowly like the girl from the Exorcist and she gave me a lethal look.
My smile quickly disappeared and I took a huge gulp, I finished my sentence faintly under my breath “...ing?” “Good Morning Kari” she replied in a sarcastic tone. This might of just been in my head but she sounded like Smeagol from Lord of the Rings. I chuckled quietly, but this was no joke. It was like a completely different woman from the day before. I wasn’t sure what I had done wrong but I ignored it.
She instructed me to get Cathy ready for school. So, I quickly ran to her room and got her together; Cathy was such a sweetheart, she listened to everything I said. I thought “this is going to be a walk in the park” - HA…… Boy, was I wrong!
First things first, I thought being a “nanny” was simple; play with the kids, help them get ready for school, help them with their homework, feed them, arrange playdates and tidy up after them. I was WRONG. Nannies are Super-humans. Well, that’s what “Mommy Dearest” expected from me.
I later found out that being ready at 7 a.m. was not good enough for her. She wanted me to be downstairs before 7 a.m. to have my breakfast separate from the family, which was why I got that death stare from her. She expected me to transform into something horrible - HER. Ouuuu that woman got on my nerves. She needed my assistance with a little tidying up at an apartment her and Cathy stayed at for a few months prior to my arrival. I thought it was quite strange that they were renting out a place away from the father and son for almost seven months but it wasn’t any of my business. Who was I to say no to my boss? We pulled up to this really nice gated community.
As I entered the apartment… HOLY SHIT. If I was wearing a pearl necklace I would’ve clutched onto them tightly. My eyes suddenly bulged out of my head in complete shock. Let me tell y'all about this apartment. Homegirl said a little tidying - A little?! The apartment was filthy. It was no wonder this woman needed help. It definitely wasn’t a job for one person at all.
Mommy dearest then looked at me and said “OKAY! You have an hour to clean this place up, I’m going to take Corey to the park and then pick you up.”
Before I could even say “UH,” she slammed the door and went her way. This woman left me there with a two feet tall broom that looked like it was made in the 1600s by the indigenous people with dead coconut leaves.Probably the broom she flew in with.
-LOL, I crack myself up.For about ten minutes I stood there in shock. Shortly after, a text came in. Guess who it was?! - the Wicked Witch from the west. It was a list of duties for me to complete in the hour she gave me.The audacity of this biatchhh!
My duties were:
- Scrub the tub and toilet; I guess she probably wanted me to scrub it with my teeth because I wasn’t given anything to clean it with. So, I used the broom. FOH, if she thought I was going to go near her piss and shit stained toilet. Clean the counters; the bathroom, bedrooms, kitchen. Using some dirty ass rag that smelt like spoilt juice.
2.Clean out the drawers.
Throw away the 200-year-old leftover food, fruits, rotten vegetables that were in the fridge, then wipe it down using the same dirty rag I used for the counters.
Clean the stove and cupboards. And yes, you’ve guessed it, with the same multipurpose dirty rag.
Sweep up the trash on the floors; using the broom, I cleaned the toilet and bath with because she forgot to charge the vacuum, and made the executive decision to NOT bring the one from the house. Mop the floors.
Finally, take out the trash.
I was stunned. I couldn’t believe this was what I was doing as a “nanny" and I was not being paid extra for this shit. I sighed. I pulled myself together and remembered my goal. I YouTubed the Cinderella soundtrack and got to cleaning. The playlist was suitable for the moment because I felt like cinder-effin-ella, well minus being swept away by a dashing prince. For sure that wasn’t happening anytime soon. The only thing that was getting swept away at this moment was the fucking dust along with my pride. I tried moving as quickly as possible. After completing all my duties, I was so impressed. I did a phenomenal job with the little time and equipment I had. The place looked pretty spotless and smelt great; it had to since I emptied the air freshener up in there.
A couple of minutes later, Mommy Dearest picked me up to drop me back the house for lunch. How kind of her to allow me to eat, I thought. As I got into the vehicle, the first thing she said was“I will drop you off and then head back to make sure you did a good job cleaning. I hope it is spotless.”* In my best Cardi B voice* Oookuuuuuuuurrt! Who DAFUK this old mother Hubbard think she’s speaking to.
I smiled, nodded and said in my best Jake Peralta impression, “Okay...cool cool cool coo coo coo.” It was the fakest smile ever but I tried my best to compose myself.
After lunch, Liza approached me “you didn’t get the cobwebs in the corners of the ceiling” shook her head and walked away. I quickly said a prayer and walked towards Corey because it took everything in me not to go Bruce Lee on her. Can you imagine the audacity of this woman?
I attempted to bond with Corey since he didn’t have to start school until the following week. I figured that it was going to take a while for him to gravitate towards me, which I fully understood because I was new to him. I didn’t want to pressure him to play with me, I wanted our relationship to be natural. I was persistent but I still gave him some space.
I thought it was a good approach. But you know who thought it was a terrible approach? - mommy dearest. She wanted me to constantly follow Corey around the house to force an interaction. The confusing thing was that she contradicted herself a lot. I listened to her and followed him, then from across the room she would yell “why are you following him, give him his space!” And whenever I gave him some space, she would yell “why aren’t you interacting with him?”
Make up your fucking mind!!!!!
What I really wanted to tell her was, “Listen, Biaattchhh! Like WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” But I didn’t because my grandmother told me to be kind to my elders, and since mommy dearest seemed to be the same age as gran-gran, I would’ve felt bad telling her off. sips tea
To think about it, Mommy Dearest did that contradicting thing quite often. Another example; I had my phone with me just in case either of parents called or messaged for some reason which she had a problem with it. Now I wasn’t on the phone or anything but it was still a problem. She told me that I should not have my phone around and to leave it in the room. So, I did what I was told. A few hours later, she asked why I didn’t have my phone with me when she was trying to call. I tried explaining myself but she kept saying “You always have an excuse don't you” in a very condescending tone. It was evident she had a problem with me, which I didn’t mind because after those few days the feeling was mutual.
I guess it was the Dementia kicking in. After all, she looked like she was approaching that age.
By Day Four, the tension had risen. It was Saturday morning and I was about five minutes late. The kids weren’t up as yet and the house was still in darkness. So, I waited in the kitchen until the kids were up. Mommy dearest saw me at the table enjoying a cup of coffee and said to me, “the weekends are for the parents to sleep in late and relax. So, you have to make “our special” tea every morning,” in a disrespectful condescending tone, as though I was a servant.
This bitch was trying and testing me, and I ain't no free sample; okay hunnayyyyyy?!! - I was a nanny, not a maid and even if I was a maid, that didn't give her the right to speak down to me. I don’t give a fuck what occupation someone has.
A few hours later, another task was added to my list of chores. She told me that I was responsible for taking out the trash among other things; absolutely nothing to do with the kids. She handed me a huge basket of laundry and said: “Fold these.”
I stood there and stared at her because I thought it was just the children’s laundry but instead, it was EVERYONE’S laundry, including her nasty ass granny panties. Ohh Helll naw! - Fuck this shit!.
Sigh, I took a deep breath, told myself most nannies probably have to do these sort of stuff. So, I did it like a punk, I folded her worn out panties. I wish I knew exactly what I had signed up for because I wasn't told any of this.
I tried my best not to quit because I spent the last of my savings to pay for the flight. I started thinking back and I understood why the father was so adamant about only refunding me the flight cost after three months. It was also evident why people in the past probably didn’t stay as long. It was only four days in and I already felt miserable. I wondered if I was able to push through the three months.
I then heard her annoying voice screaming “Kari! I need to talk to you!”We sat down in the master bedroom and she complained about how awful I folded her clothes, and that I didn’t fold Corey’s clothes a particular way; it was very important not to get him upset. She continued going on and on, and I began to tune her out. I had to because the way she spoke to me was uncalled for and belittling.
She told me I should be thankful that she gave me such a wonderful opportunity because people like me should feel lucky. Wait, pause! “People like me?!” - LOL, I wondered what that meant. “I am going to give you another chance and not fire you,” Liza said. Honestly, I wanted her to fire me but then would have sent my plans to shambles and I had a bigger picture to think about. Plus this would probably be pretty good content in the future - who knows?!
I, oh so badly wanted to tell her to “FUCK OFF!” but instead I smiled. After the conversation, I went to my room to gather my thoughts. A few minutes in, the bedroom door slowly opened; it was Cathy. She stood there smiling at me, showing off her chipped tooth. “Come let’s play,” Cathy said. I cracked a smile. I grabbed her hand and went to her room to play.
I thought about it all; the kids were cool, I needed the money and the father was a cool guy. Maybe life wanted me to see the bigger picture. I had a first - row seat to how some nannies - "the help" was treated. Most of them don’t have a choice but to put up with this sort of treatment or even worse, for a long period of time. Even though I'm dead ass broke. I could easily go back to Marketing; all I had to do was call someone and tell them I wanted to go back home. I had that choice.
Then I remembered why I wanted to become a writer. It was to share my experiences of life, in hopes of helping others going through similar occurrences to know that they aren’t alone.
Sometimes knowing that other people can relate to your circumstances, can make you feel at ease. Plus, there were some weird things about this family and I guess I was curious to put the puzzle pieces together. Therefore, I had to put my big girl panties on - you know?! The oversized ones I normally wear when I needed to do laundry or when I’m on my period; the comfy ones. This was no longer about me. I had to share this experience, so people could get an idea of what “the help” goes through.
The new plan was to stay with the family for a while, see if there were any improvements, or if circumstances somehow got any worse. I still wanted to form a bond with the kids. It was time for me to put my acting skills into full gear and play my role - “The Nanny.”
OH! I forgot to mention, an hour later the father told me to get ready and he took me for a drive then bought me a bottle of alcohol; something to add to my morning coffee.
LORD, GIVE ME STRENGTH!!!!!
This is going to be one heck of a ride. Grab your favorite glass of wine (my fav is Moscato) and read along about my crazy life as a nanny. See you guys next week. Hopefully, I make it out of this place alive. Pray for me!!!
xoxo