A week has passed and my mind still pondered about what Marian said to me. Yet, I haven’t replied nor called her back; she knew my family well, and the last thing I wanted was her having everyone scared. Why wouldn’t they get scared? I should be... I am!
It was the beginning of a new week and before I got out of bed that morning I reflected on everything; past, present, the possible future. I wondered if going through this experience was worth it; if becoming a writer was really worth this much stress. Giving up has never felt so easy; I had just enough money to leave the state, but that was it.
I then wondered, if going back to the life I had before - being that female who just existed - at least she had a steady job, a nice beachfront apartment, made people on Instagram assume that her life was perfect. Who cares if she was depressed, lonely, losing her sight?! We weren’t taught in school to follow our dreams, instead, we were taught to survive – have income, not be poor, heavens no; because if we were adults and broke that meant we’ve failed at life - we would be labeled as Losers. At least, the Kari back then had a roof over her head, food, money – that meant she wasn’t a failure right?!... So, why did she feel as though she had failed herself back then?!
I know I am crazy for staying with this family, but I needed the money. All I could do was hope that everything I thought about was false, and I was overthinking the situation.
I finally got out of my head, got dressed and went downstairs. Before my shift began, Liza walked towards me while I was making my coffee. I felt the hostile energy drawing closer and closer. Here we go, I thought.
“I want you to spend more time with Cathy this week... she really wants to play with you.”
“Okay!” I replied.
“It’s unfair that you spend most of the time with him and not with her... that really hurts her feelings,” Liza said.
“Ohh... and don’t forget to not have that thing on you,” she said while looking at my iPhone in my hand.
“Sure, no problem.” I then quickly ran up to the room and left it on the desk next to the bed, I wanted to avoid any bickering from Mother Dearest.
This woman never ceased to amaze me; maybe if she didn’t have me doing so many fucking chores, I would’ve probably been able to spend more time with Cathy. Also, the parents never wanted the kids to play together, so, it was quite difficult for me to go back and forth between the kids, along with juggling my Cinderella duties.
For some strange reason, Mother Dearest has yet to wrap her little brain around my inability to be in two places at once. I’m assuming it’s a difficult pill for her to swallow that I was not a member of the Justice League.
Perfect example; Later that day, while I gave Cathy her shower, Mother Dearest apparently called my local number twice, but I didn’t hear it because she made it clear to leave my phone far away, which I did - with both of them. A couple of minutes later, she stormed upstairs, pushed open Cathy’s bedroom door with steam coming out of ears and her eyes bulging out of her head. She was so furious the bags under her eyes grew threefold,
“Where is your phone, Kari?”
“In my bedroom Liza, where you instructed me to leave it,” I replied in a diplomatic manner.
“No you are to have it on you, in case we need you... you need to have it with you sometimes then not have it with you other times....”
WOMAN WHAT THE FLYING FUCK... I am sorry, I almost got carried away there. Let me compose myself. What I actually said was, “Okay, Liza I know what to do next time... I’m sorry.”It made absolutely no sense explaining anything to her. So, I needed to figure how was I to have my phone with me, but not have it with me at the same time... okay!
Ten hours later....
After long deliberation, there was only one solution; to search through the Yellow pages for the number of the fucking Justice League, explain to Superman or one of those motherfuckers my dilemma, and kindly ask them to share their damn superpowers with me.
If you have a better idea, please share it with me because I don’t know how the flying fuck this woman expected me to work this out. Maybe, she misinterpreted the phrase “Black girl magic.”
That woman drove me NUTS!
Over time, her behavior became even more questionable; there were a couple of times I caught her standing in front of the window for about a full two minutes, gazing – looking at completely nothing. Or was there something she saw that I was unable to see?! Then, she would snap out of it and walk back into the master bedroom. I assumed it had something to do with Chris; this was the second weekend he had booked a hotel room in the city to have fun with his friends. I found that strange, but it was none of my business. What else could it be?!
On the other hand, I realized Corey did the same thing - he stood in front of the same window in the dining room and stared outside, but it was usually when Cathy and I were playing in the yard. At least, he was looking at something. I had a feeling he wasn’t too fond of Cathy's and I playtime sessions. There was a slight feeling of guilt every time Cathy came back from school because I would have to leave him, wherever he was, and attend to her. Yet, I was mostly relieved to some extent because Corey became very affectionate towards me - a bit too affectionate.
Good news! He stopped hitting my Gluteus Maximus, but he’s moved onto doing something else. At first, I thought he just enjoyed hugging me. Until, he kept running towards me and placing his head in between my bosom, practically motor-boating me – minus the sound effects. Yes, and then screamed out “YEAHH!” The naïve side of me figured he’s too young to feel that “sort of” way, so, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Well, that was until midway through my week...
I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was going on, but something was off with Corey - again. During our yoga session on Friday, while we faced each other, he usually asked me the customary questions; my favorite color, my hobbies, and my favorite monster, yet, this time he was silent. He just stared directly into my soul, smiling. Then, he looked over at the dining area where Cathy sat, eating her breakfast. Seconds later looked at me, but I wasn’t sure if it was Corey I was looking at. His eyes – his presence seemed different.
He then stood up and shouted, “I am done!” then stormed up to his room. Was he upset with me, I wondered. Corey and I had little contact during the remainder of the morning, I figured he wanted some time to himself. When it was pool-time, however, he went back to his regular self. It quickly went back off when I told him I wasn’t getting into the pool with him. He became furious, and his tone grew more aggressively, “get into the pool now,” Corey demanded. I wouldn’t lie, I pissed myself a little - just a little tinkle. I immediately went into the pool. As I got in, he swam up to me, hugged me and laid his head on my chest.
"Come on, let’s race,” I said to Corey and swam off, which he eventually followed suit. Whilst swimming, I ensured there was a good enough distance between us, to avoid him from touching me, and every time he caught up to me, he grabbed my foot.
After the third lap,
“Kari!!”
To my surprise, there stood Cathy and Liza. Cathy was eager to get into the pool, so Liza gave me the look for us to do the switch. I knew exactly what to do, but for some reason, my body refused to take any orders from my brain. I did a 180 turn and saw Corey staring directly at me.
“Corey, come out .......Corey come out now!” Liza yelled.
Corey didn’t budge. He continued staring at me, again I had that feeling that it wasn’t Corey I was looking at. His eyes looked so different. Less than ten seconds later, he snapped out of it, smiled and then swam away. I swiftly turned back around and lifted Cathy into the pool.
“Let’s play.... splash Kari splash...” Cathy chuckled. Before Liza and Corey headed back to the house, I noticed through the corner of my eyes Corey looking in our direction, with his favorite green towel wrapped around him. I glanced over at him, this time it was more of a death stare.
The remainder of the day was spent with Cathy because Chris made plans to take her out the following day - another father-daughter bonding moment I guess. The night went by lovely, for once she wasn’t a stubborn brat. I washed her hair, brushed her teeth, fed her dinner and read to her.
The next day, around midday Liza and Corey, left for his therapy session; that was the closest thing he had to a school setting, but it still wasn’t enough, since he only went once a week. Usually, the session is during the week but they couldn’t make it this particular week. I was thrilled that they were going to be out of the house. Freedom!
Prior to her departure, Liza approached me whilst I was lacing Corey’s shoes up;
“Make sure you have your swimsuit on before we arrive... I want you to take him to the pool for an hour or more before Cathy gets back.... Oh! And there are some ants on my bathroom counter... make sure you fix that problem.”I stood there with the fakest smile, fix that problem Liza said to me.
It took me a while to grasp what she meant. She probably wanted me to call pest control - had to be! Or, she probably thought I was a fluent “ant speaker.” There was no other reasoning. All I did know was that she certainly knew better to even think for a second that I was going to clean up her bathroom. No fucking way! What’s next?! “Oh Kari, I have some poo stuck on my ass can you fix that problem!”
No-No-No-No... If it’s the children’s bathroom, of course, because that’s what I was there for.
Shortly after they left, there was a knock at the door, followed by the doorbell. As I approached the front door, there stood two sturdy white men. That was fast, I thought – I guess the pest control workers have obtained some special fucking powers. To my disappointment, it wasn’t pest control; the company logo on their blue shirt gave it away. Damn!
“Hello, ma’am,”
"Hello!”
“We are here to check the floors of the house... Chris called and requested that we take a look at some cracks.”
“Sure come in.”
I allowed the men to come inside and continued my chores as they inspected the floors. Moments later, the shorter of the two men approached me,
“is there an Attic?” he asked.
“Yeah.... uhmm upstairs,” I replied.
I pointed at the door that led to the Attic. Now was my chance, I thought. Nothing scary could happen because I wasn’t alone. We both proceeded up the staircase. I wondered if the guy was able to sense my nervousness, I stayed a few steps behind him just in case he felt I was in his personal space. When we got to the door, the man turned the knob and pushed the door open. As it swung open, I took a peep inside by looking over the man’s right shoulder, he then turned and looked at me with his brow raised.
“Sorry, my bad” I smiled.
Talk about a cringe-worthy moment. He then proceeded up the flight of stairs while I stood at the bottom contemplating whether or not I should walk along behind, but the area was confined, so, it was best for me to wait until he opened the other door at the top of the stairs.
“Hey, do you have a key for this?” He asked.
“.... No, I don’t,”
He turned around and walked back down the stairs,
“We’ll come by another time, tell Chris to unlock the door so we can check the flooring next time,” he stated.
I looked up at the locked door and wondered what laid behind that brown door. The men then signaled to indicate their departure, “we’re all done, you can tell Chris we’ll be back to fix the crack in the kitchen floor and remind him to leave the attic door open.”
I then went down the staircase, escorted the men out and locked the door behind them. As I headed into the kitchen, I heard one of the doors upstairs slam shut. The noise echoed. I jumped. I hadn’t recalled anyone else being in the house. Should I go up, I wondered. Then I remembered my ethnicity, and I had no business going up there to “check it out” yet, I needed to know.
Maybe it was my head playing tricks on, there was only one way to find out. So, I checked. The voices in my head went wild and I questioned if I was even black; any black person in their right mind would’ve ignored it or just got the fuck out of the house, but my foolish ass had to “make sure.” I stood at the bottom of the staircase and shouted,
“Hey, is anyone up there?”
“Yes bitch, I’m a killer! I have come to murder you and eat your brains ha-ha-ha-ha .... come on Kari what the fuck do you think this is... asking if anyone is up there... do you really want to know?!” one of the voices in my head said. I assumed it was the black side.
I shook my head, sighed and proceeded. As I slowly walked up the staircase, I reminisced about being on the beach drinking Cosmopolitans, in my favorite tiny blue bikini, but no, I had to go and pursue my dreams, now I’ll probably die, I thought. My heart raced as I drew close to the final stairs. When I was able to see Corey’s bedroom, I took a quick peak on the left side and saw Corey’s door still open – a sigh of relief. When I got to the top I looked to my right and saw Cathy’s door close in.
The room began spinning and I could feel myself hyperventilating. “Deep breaths, deep breath.......Fuck this,” I headed back down the stairs. Midway I stopped.
“Maybe, her window is open,” I said out loud.
So, I turned around once again and went to Cathy’s room. The palms of my hands became sweaty, and my hair was itchy as though I had a full sew-in. My hand was quite hesitant to turn the doorknob. I took another deep breath and quickly pushed it open. For some reason, I braced myself and closed my eyes. I slowly opened up my eyelids to take a quick peek. Another sigh of relief. There was no one in there. A weight had lifted off of me. I sat on Cathy’s nicely made bed and chuckled. “Kari, you have outdone yourself, once again,” I laughed. Then I stopped and wondered, what was it that made the door slam?!
Oh, Fuck! Jumbee – Ghost – Spirit; call it whatever you want, something was in the house. I ran into my bedroom, went into the suitcase and grabbed my Holy oil. Only Jesus was able to fix these problems. This house needed some blessing, but I couldn’t use up the whole bottle. Like a mad woman, I ran through the house sprinkling Holy oil everywhere, and I do mean everywhere.
What else was I to do?! Then, I sat at the bottom of the stairs with the bottle clutched in the palm of my hands, trying to slow down that overthinking mind of mine. My attention was then drawn to a tiny hole in the wall. The same holes I noticed the first day I arrived. I assumed that was where the family portraits once hung.
Wait, pictures... "where were the pictures?" I thought. The same thought I had from the beginning, but I got so distracted the thought never surfaced, until that very moment. There were no pictures anywhere, not one. Why was that?! Wait no, there was one picture I saw. Cathy showed it to me a couple of weeks back, I vaguely remembered because I was hardly listening to her. I think I was thinking about food or Johnson – maybe it was eating food with Johnson, or eating food off Johnson’s ripped ......Focus! I almost got carried away there; into an erotic realm. I had to stay focused and tried my best to remember that exact moment.
Fuck! I heard Liza’s car pulling up into the driveway, and I wasn’t in my swimsuit. I ran up to my room and got ready before Liza and Corey came into the house. When I was finished, instead of walking out of my door, I went through Cathy’s door, because I had to find that picture. I quickly searched through some of her storybooks, and smack in the middle of the “Come on, Baby Duck” book laid the picture of Cathy and her past nanny. I couldn’t recall her name, but I remembered Cathy mentioning how much she missed her.
“Kariiiiii!!!!!”
I rolled my eyes and replied, “I’m coming!”
I placed the picture back into the book and put the book back in the bedtime book pile on the desk, and proceeded downstairs.” Honestly, I hadn’t expected them home that early. Liza was at the bottom of the staircase nervously looking at me whilst peeping out into the yard,
“He had a tantrum... he hit one of the kids and made them bleed...I don’t think he should go to the pool today...”
Just when I was about to open my mouth, Corey stormed towards us, pushed passed Liza and gave me a tight hug. Five seconds into the hug, in front of Liza, he placed his head in between my bosoms and motor-boated me.
“Corey!” Liza screamed.
“What are you doing?!” she continued. Liza looked petrified.
Corey then looked at me, “let’s go to the pool now.” I looked over at Liza, and she nodded to indicate that I should go. Corey then ran up to his room to change into his swimwear. Liza grabbed my hand, pulling me closer to her – a bit too close, I smelt the curry on her breath, “I’ll come with you guys, just to keep an eye....to make sure nothing happens... don’t make him know that I’m there, it may upset him.”
“...okay...” I replied,
I never saw her that frazzled since I’ve been there. She released my hand and walked away. I grabbed the pool gear, then Corey and I headed to the pool. When we got there, I placed the items on one of the blue and white pool chairs. Whilst I was removing the floatables and paddle board from the bag, my surroundings sounded a bit too quiet. I turned around and noticed Corey hunched over in the grass. I rushed over to him to see what was wrong,
“Corey...Corey... are you ok?”
Corey slowly turned and looked up at me. What the fuck, I took a step back and was speechless.
“I like cigarettes.... I want my lungs to be black,” he said holding a used cigarette he found on the ground, in his mouth. He then took it out of his mouth and threw it away. He stood up firmly facing me, smiled and went into the pool before I could say anything.
I watched as he splashed around in the water giggling. Then he began speaking in that evil tone again to himself.
“Who are you talking to Corey?” I asked
He looked me directly in my eyes, smiled, and replied “my friend Jeffery.”
Say what now?! Who the fuck is Jeffery?! I was not going to get into the water with him and his invisible “friend” Jeffery. All I thought about was the bottle of Vodka I had up in my room because I needed a couple of shots, and the therapy bill I’m going to have after I leave this family.
I looked to the sky and prayed for the night to appear, and just like that my prayers were somehow answered. Time went by so quickly, I hardly remembered what I did between pool time with Corey and 9:15 p.m. The only thing on my mind was a massive headache I had. Right, when I was about to call it a night and opened my door,
Kari?!” Liza whispered from downstairs.
“What now,” I mumbled, “Yes please Liza.” I looked over the balcony and Liza signaled for me to come downstairs. I grunted and went to meet her. She was all dressed for bed in her pink robe – I wished I was already dressed for bed. Written all over my face was exhaustion. I tried fighting back the many yawns but was unsuccessful. Liza pulled me into the kitchen and whispered;
“We cannot talk in front of Corey of what he is not allowed to do, but you need to make sure nothing looks absurd...What he did earlier, when he brushed his face against your breast has me shocked... I have never seen him do something like that... he loves hugs and he is very innocent now, but he is approaching teens, so, we have to be very careful... You have to figure out a way to make sure he doesn’t indulge inappropriate touching... It’s strange that he does that to you and not to me... I can’t tell him don’t do something because it will trigger him...so figure something out...”
She didn’t even allow me to reply. She walked back to her room. I was a bit taken back, why was it up to me to get that situation under control?! She’s the parent. Great! Another issue added to a massive headache.
The next morning, I woke up with an even bigger headache. I was thankful it was the last day, Cathy’s aunt had picked her up and took her for a fun-day, Chris was out of the house yet again; he has hardly been home nowadays. By midday, it was Corey, Liza and I, after lunch, Liza asked me to check the mail for her.
Corey was outside in the yard, so I grabbed the mailbox key and headed out. It was only a two-minute walk, but I turned it into a five-minute stroll. I had no problem collecting the mail, anything to get out of the house was good enough for me. On my way back, as I approached the front door I heard shouting. I turned the key and opened the door, Liza was sitting on the first stair holding Corey’s wrist,“Why did you hit mommy? Why?”
I tried to mind my own business, and quietly entered the house, but I brought attention to myself as I locked the door. They both looked over at me. I cracked an awkward smile
“Hey you’re back,” Corey smiled.
“why did you leave me?” he continued.
I said nothing, I was too confused. What was happening?!
“...Wait is that why you got upset... because you thought Kari left?”
Corey said nothing. He smiled at Liza and said, “you can let go of my hands now.”
Liza slowly released Corey’s arms, and he ran up to his room giggling. What did I just miss?! I looked at Liza and she stormed off, towards the master bedroom. I had no idea what had taken place. I figured he slapped the shit out of Liza once again; her cheek was pink.
It wasn’t until later that night I understood what happened. After I read Corey his bedtime story, he sat up on his bed, and stared at me,
“Where did you go?”
“...What do you mean?” I replied.
“Where did you go?”
“Oh! I went for the mail,” it took me a while to understand what he was talking about,
“I thought you left me..”
“Don’t leave me!” he said with that same look he had in his eyes earlier that week during yoga and in the pool; the one where it didn’t seem as though, I was looking at Corey.
“Okay...” I replied.
As I headed out, I flicked the bedroom’s lights off.
“Kari...”
“... don’t leave me...”