I'm beyond visually annoyed by all those posts about ways to achieve perfect parenting / perfect relationships / perfect ... you name it, it's out there in the social media. Somebody has the perfect answer to every life aspect.
Somebody out there has the perfect outlook on life, perfect attitude about anything and everything, perfect reactions in any occurrence.
...Are you for real?...
Here I am, almost 42. Single mom with a special needs kid. I've been through a lot and I've learnt a lot in all these years.
If I'd have to define myself, I'd say I'm a realist. I almost pity myself for it :D - I've noticed that people who go through life with huge, bright pink lenses on their eyes live so much better...
[ My daughter is such a person, I am happy to notice, although I wonder who she got the gene from :D ]
What I want to say is - I am messy. I am far from being that perpetually smiling, happy, thriving person we see in so many posts in social media, advising the rest of humanity how to achieve perfect... anything/everything.
How do you do it, you perfect people? How do you manage it?
I'm beyond tired. I no longer have patience for hypocrisy, masks, the "fake it until you make it" policy I see around me (I actually never understood the point of that).
As a mom, I am far, far from picture perfect. I curse.
I don't protect my daughter of our life's hardships - by that, I mean I let her know and help her understand when/why we can't afford something and I also help her understand that mom is allowed to make mistakes/be sad/get ill etc. I also allow and encourage her to experience life as it is, with different kinds of people (of course, I do my best to make sure she's safe).
Outdoors, my daughter plays. Her clothes get dirty, and that's okay. We sometimes play together - we even try our best to keep vertical while on roller skates.
Indoors, she's terribly messy. Her toys are thrown together on her shelves. I told her I won't put them in order, that's her job. She doesn't care about it, I don't care when she whines she doesn't find stuff (I secretly keep hoping she'll straighten up the mess, though this is more like aliens landing).
She is learning to play guitar - I am learning along, to be able to help her when she practices. Our fingers hurt and we complain about it together.
As a brand new adolescent, she throws a lot of drama - I respond with my emotions. We begin to get along even better together. She's a pain in the ass, I'm the momster. We understand each other.
She's loving, sweet, artistic = messy.
I am passionate, strong, too independent / open minded to give a fuck about any kind of stereotypes = messy.
She's posh - I wear jeans in any circumstance. She likes fancy shoes, I like comfy shoes. She likes pampering herself (and she pampers those she cares about). I am the get-to-the-point, let's-get-this-over-with type.
She has this "vision in pink" about life - and her wishes usually come true in ways that go beyond my comprehension. I am happy for her.
I look into the abyss and the abyss is looking back at me. For real. Nietzsche nailed it brilliantly.
I have noticed quite early that my girl is very different from me. I have been paying attention to her individuality and I have done my best to support her qualities. I am working consistently on helping her develop a strong will, self confidence ( = confidence that she is beautiful, feminine, artistic, smart), make her own choices... all kinds of normal stuff, I think.
We also argue. She yells, I yell. When it comes to that point in the family dynamics, I don't step back, thinking it's not right to yell at each other. It's a fact of life, it's real. We both have emotions, we both lack patience or are tired sometimes. This doesn't happen often, but it does. She's not affected by our drama queen moments, she's more saddened when she gets time outs. I firmly believe that a constant neutral, reasonable tone hides freaky mental issues :))) - sometimes emotions burst, and we need to let them fly.
I don't do fancy sandwiches for her school snacks. I buy her Lay's every now and then and we also eat chocolate. We eat plenty of fruits and veggies - but when the mood strikes, I'm all for french fries with a side of something equally "non-healthy" food. What I don't do, however, is take her to fast food places. She can go there on her own, if she wants to, when she's older.
...So on and so forth.
I'm quite optimistic about us being true friends for a lifetime. We allow ourselves to be who we are, not straining to fit any molds. We keep it real.
So what's the point of all those posts bleating about X ways to get your kid to respond the way you want them to, Y ways to behave to make your kid happy, etc?
Isn't it enough to love your kid / kids , to help them feel safe and loved, and to stay true to yourselves?